The Rewatchables: 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano

Published 2018-09-03; 1:11:13 by the feed.

As extracted (engineer-sonnet-2026-10-13)

The extraction calls the show “The Rewatchables (The Ringer)” and the episode “'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano”.

Hosts: Bill Simmons. Guests: Shea Serrano.

Subject films: Taken (2008).

On the transcript: No speaker labels and transcription is rough; sponsor reads at 0:21:33-0:23:42 and 1:10:02-end skipped. Simmons and Serrano are often hard to tell apart, so attributions are low confidence.

Awards and segments (43)

Most rewatchable scene

pick Kim gets taken: the phone call with Brian while she hides under the bed, up to the line that they're going to take you.
“The most rewatchable scene has to be, uh, Kimmy Wincher, Kim, when she's about to get taken, all the way up until when Liam Neeson has to say, you're going, they're going to take you.”
Shea Serrano · 0:24:33
pick Brian shows up to Jean-Claude's house for dinner, shoots Jean-Claude's wife in the arm and says relax, it's a flesh wound.
“It is Brian shows up to Jean-Claude's house for dinner, is not only my favorite scene in this movie, but is one of the greatest cable scenes of all time.”
Bill Simmons · 0:28:38
floated Brian talks to the kidnappers on the phone (listed among the five rewatchable scenes).
“Brian talks to the kidnappers on the phone.”
Bill Simmons · 0:24:07
floated Brian takes out the apartment of bad guys while pretending to be an FBI type (listed among the five rewatchable scenes).
“Brian takes out the apartment of bad guys, pretending he's some FBI, whatever the hell he was pretending he.”
Bill Simmons · 0:24:09
floated The entire ending (listed among the five rewatchable scenes).
“Brian shows up to Jean-Claude's house for dinner and then the entire ending.”
Bill Simmons · 0:24:21
floated Brian gets the address from the call girl and cleans house at the brothel; mentioned as not even cracking the top five.
“We didn't even mention like the scene when he, when he gets from the, uh, from the call girl.”
Bill Simmons · 0:28:15

Roger Ebert's review · What Roger Ebert gave the film; here only a passing jab at his rating.

pick Taken: Ebert gave it 2.5 stars; the hosts think he missed about 3.5 more. The review is not read aloud.
“Only 2.5 stars from Roger Ebert.”
Bill Simmons · 0:02:15

Aged the best · What about the movie has held up or gotten better over time.

nominee A movie that knows exactly what it is: Likes movies with a simple, clear premise that know what they are.
“One of the things that's aged the best is just, I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.”
Bill Simmons · 0:32:10
nominee Liam Neeson as Brian Mills: The history with him; he feels like the guy from Taken.
“Another thing that's aged the best is just Liam Nason, the history we had with them.”
Bill Simmons · 0:32:16
nominee The phone call monologue (very particular set of skills): Reads the whole speech aloud.
“This monologue is outstanding.”
Bill Simmons · 0:32:50
nominee The lesson that you get soft behind a desk (Jean-Claude): Jean-Claude's desk job theme runs through the whole movie.
“The biggest lesson of this movie is you get soft behind a desk.”
Bill Simmons · 0:34:14
winner The phone call monologue: Argues the speech never gets old and is the one scene Taken is known by.
“I think that the speech has to be the number one thing.”
Shea Serrano · 0:35:34
winner Liam Neeson: Conceding Bill's point that the speech was perfect from day one, says Neeson's whole filmography got retrofitted into an action star.
“I think the answer has to be Liam Neeson.”
Shea Serrano · 0:36:32

Aged the worst · What about the movie plays worst now.

winner Every foreigner is a kidnapper and trafficker: Everyone who isn't a white American man is portrayed as horrible.
“The thing that's aged the worst is the, uh, every foreigner is going to kidnap and kill your daughter and sell them into sex slavery.”
Shea Serrano · 0:37:17
nominee Teenage girls lying to follow U2 around Europe: U2 in 2008 is not a band young girls would lie to their parents for.
“Two teenage girls in 2008 lied to their parents because they wanted to follow you too around Europe.”
Bill Simmons · 0:37:45
nominee Brian having drinks with his buddies: A strange scene where four buddies who would never hang out together establish Brian as a good guy.
“Brian having drinks with his buddies.”
Bill Simmons · 0:39:44
nominee Kim is the only trafficked girl who isn't a heroin zombie: Questions why she rebounds so quickly after 72 hours.
“His daughter, the only one out of all of them, who's not a heroin zombie, who's kind of at the end, when they're showing her off when they're auctioning for, she's kind of out of it a little bit, but not totally, by the time she gets on the yacht, like she's got enough strength and wherewithal to know she's in danger and then hug her dad.”
Bill Simmons · 0:40:22
nominee Taken 3: Offered as an aged-the-worst nominee; Shea concedes it was horrific.
“Another age the worst.”
Bill Simmons · 0:41:54
nominee Taken 2: Has a main bad guy, which makes it less exciting than the first film, where Neeson tears down the whole ring.
“For me, what's age the worst is the 2 part.”
Shea Serrano · 0:43:37

Casting what ifs · Who was cast or almost cast instead of the actual lead.

pick Jeff Bridges as Brian Mills: Was first cast as Brian but dropped out because the role was too physically demanding, which opened the door for Liam Neeson.
“Do you know who his 1st cast is Brian, who dropped out of the movie because he didn't realize it was going to be so physically demanding, paving the way for Liam Neeson to be Brian?”
Bill Simmons · 0:43:46

Dion Waiters Award (biggest heat check) · The supporting player who took the biggest heat check in the movie.

nominee Marco, the good luck guy: One of five nominees Bill reads.
“The good luck guy, Marco.”
Bill Simmons · 0:44:50
nominee Jean-Claude: Nominee.
“Jean-Claude, Jean-Claude's wife, the sex slavery club manager.”
Bill Simmons · 0:44:55
nominee Jean-Claude's wife: Nominee.
“Jean-Claude, Jean-Claude's wife, the sex slavery club manager.”
Bill Simmons · 0:44:55
nominee The sex slavery club manager: The 'it was just business' guy.
“This was just business.”
Bill Simmons · 0:45:00
nominee The sheik at the auction: Described as the stereotypical sex-hungry sheik at the end; the transcript mangles the word.
“The random stereotypical fat sheet, fat sex hungry chic at the end of taken.”
Bill Simmons · 0:45:06
nominee The other men at the table with Marco: Shea's addition: they all went for it when they claimed to be Marco.
“I feel like all of the other guys at the table with Marco were really going for it.”
Shea Serrano · 0:45:20

Joey Pants Award · Best that guy, named after Joe Pantoliano.

winner Actor who played Jean-Claude (name not given) as Jean-Claude: Neither host knows his name; the only that guy in the movie. Shea agrees he is the only one.
“For me, it's Jean-Claude.”
Bill Simmons · 0:46:50

Apex Mountain · Where a performer's career peaked.

pick Liam Neeson as Brian Mills: Apex is Taken, over Schindler's List, for becoming an action star in his mid-50s.
“Liam Neeson, Liam Neeson, 100%, yes.”
Bill Simmons · 0:55:14
pick Maggie Grace as Kim: Says it never got better for her than Taken.
“I'm going to say it never got better for after this.”
Shea Serrano · 0:55:40

Who would have been best in this movie · Which character actor the hosts would have dropped into the movie.

pick Steve Buscemi as Manager of the sex trafficking auction: Bill asked among Danny Trejo, Steve Buscemi and Michael K. Williams; Bill says it was exactly his role too.
“Give me Steve.”
Shea Serrano · 0:57:04

Overacting (the Mark Ruffalo category) · Best overacting performance in the movie.

winner The manager of the sex trafficking club: Shot three times and still delivering his only-business line, as if trying to win an award.
“I'm going with the manager of the sex trafficking club.”
Shea Serrano · 0:57:33

Picking Nits · Nitpicks of a movie they love.

pick The Paris fifth-floor apartment two 17-year-olds get to stay in: Who gets an apartment like that?
“That 5th floor apartment in Paris was just like, phenomenal.”
Bill Simmons · 0:58:42
pick Kidnappers leave the destroyed cell phone behind but lock the door: Odd choices by the kidnappers.
“Would the kidnappers have really left the cell phone behind the destroyed cell phone?”
unknown · 0:59:13
pick Recognizing Marco's voice from the words good luck: Doubts one could identify an Albanian from two words.
“Can you really recognize a specific Albanian's voice just by having them repeat the words good luck?”
unknown · 0:59:32
pick Why not just kill Liam Neeson in the sex club instead of handcuffing him: Shea says they needed to ask him questions first.
“Why wouldn't they just kill Liam Neeson in the sex club, Shea?”
Bill Simmons · 1:00:02
pick Jean-Claude carrying an unwrapped baguette: A cartoonish French detail.
“One of my favorite Jean-Claude bits is when he comes home right before then and he's carrying a baguette, but it's not in a bag and it's not wrapped in paper.”
Bill Simmons · 1:00:56
pick Brian improvises a transmitter and disguiser on the fly in France: Would seem to take months of planning.
“The other nitpick I have is somebody's in France just buying shit in the fly, but they can somehow have the transmitter where they're on the phone sending people, the bad guys to a location that they're not at.”
Shea Serrano · 1:01:25

Best quote · Best line in the movie, other than the speech.

nominee It's a flesh wound
“It's a flesh wound.”
Bill Simmons · 1:02:01
nominee Now's not the time for dick measuring, Stuart
“Now's not the time for dick measuring, Stuart.”
Bill Simmons · 1:02:04
winner That is what happens when you sit behind a desk (the weight of a gun): He settles on the last of his three; the speech is set aside as the best quote overall.
“And then that is what happens when you sit behind a desk.”
Bill Simmons · 1:02:09

Unanswerable questions · Open questions about the movie's world.

pick Did Kim learn her lesson and trust her dad after this: Shea says she clearly trusted him in the later movies.
“Kimmy didn't listen to her dad and completely betrayed his him and his confidence.”
Bill Simmons · 1:03:12
pick Do sex slavery auctions like the one in the movie really exist: Bill doubts the elaborate auction exists as portrayed.
“I'm going to say that this auction world does not exist and in the way it's portrayed in this movie.”
Bill Simmons · 1:05:36

Who won the movie · Who comes out ahead; here a take on the genre's future.

winner Liam Neeson: Wins the movie and action movies; Shea adds that the 5 o'clocker is back on streaming.
“He not only wins the movie, he wins action movies and he revives something that is now kind of quietly moving into a new frontier, Shea.”
Bill Simmons · 1:06:32

Films that came up

Claims (31)

unmapped (same type): John Wick → Taken. John Wick is called an elaborate 5 o'clocker with more moving pieces than Taken.
“Uh, is an elaborate 5 o'clock or. There's actually some moving pieces in that, and you can't totally shut your brain off.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:04:59 · Bill Simmons (0.80 sure it was them)
lineage (genre descendant): Taken → The Equalizer. Taken's box office started a subgenre of an older star beating up younger bad guys, and The Equalizer is the first example.
“There's a whole subgenre of movies after taking exploded at the box office where everybody's like, oh, shoot, we just have to get an old person and let them fight young people”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:07:29 · Shea Serrano (0.60 sure it was them)
lineage (genre descendant): Taken → John Wick. John Wick may belong to the subgenre Taken started, though Wick is a more elaborate 5 o'clocker.
“Probably even John Wick, maybe.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:07:45 · Shea Serrano (0.60 sure it was them)
theme (genre revival): Taken → Commando. Taken returned to the basic Schwarzenegger/Stallone template, but with a real actor selling the lines.
“We're still going to have him do all of the same stuff that a Schwarzenegger or Stallone would do in commando or cobra, but now we've got a guy who, when he says things into the camera, when he gives the phone speech, you feel it.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:10:08 · Shea Serrano (0.70 sure it was them)
unmapped (only other option): Liam Neeson → Denzel Washington. Only Denzel could have pulled off the actor-in-action-hero role before Neeson.
“Denzel could have done it. And maybe that's it afterward.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:10:28 · Shea Serrano (0.60 sure it was them)
people (casting against type): Taken → First Blood. Both worked because the actor had not done this kind of role before, so it felt like a genuine surprise.
“I think with Liam Neeson, it's the same thing. Where it's just like, he's, this was a guy who was in like Woody Allen movies.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:11:43 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
theme (five-word plot): The Grey → Taken. Neeson's later action films each fit the five-words-or-less 5 o'clocker test: The Grey, Non-Stop, The Commuter.
“Liam Neeson wilderness wolves.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:14:44 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
contrast (realism contrast): Taken → Kidnap. Halle Berry's frantic-parent chase is more realistic than Neeson taking out 35 Albanians.
“I think that's a more realistic look for me than taking out 35 Albanians.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:18:35 · Bill Simmons (0.80 sure it was them)
lineage (genre descendant): Taken → Kidnap. Kidnap is another of the movies stemming from Taken.
“Kidnap is another one of the stemmed off of taken movies, so it's funny that you mentioned it.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:18:47 · Shea Serrano (0.60 sure it was them)
theme (five-word plot): The Equalizer → Chris Ryan. Chris Ryan pitched The Equalizer to Simmons as Denzel killing a bunch of dudes in a Home Depot.
“Denzel kills a bunch of dudes in a Home Depot.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:21:10 · Bill Simmons (0.80 sure it was them)
unmapped (surprising detail): Taken → Beverly Hills Cop. Taken's line about forgetting the weight of a gun is the kind of never-seen-before detail, like Beverly Hills Cop's gum wrapper trick.
“Remember in Beverly Hills cop when they break in the house and he uses the gum wrapper to like disarm the center on the window.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:31:03 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
career (career retrofit): Liam Neeson → Love Actually. Neeson's pre-Taken IMDb all got retrofit, even his Love Actually character reads as Brian Mills.
“He's Brian Mills in love actually.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:36:53 · Bill Simmons (0.60 sure it was them)
career (career retrofit): Liam Neeson → Schindler's List. After Taken, Neeson's earlier dramatic roles read as if he were about to take people out.
“Yeah, Schindler's list. You feel like he's going to take out some people.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:36:55 · Shea Serrano (0.50 sure it was them)
people (writer blamed): Luc Besson → Taken. U2 as the band that two teenagers would lie for is blamed on the writers, Besson and someone else, who had no feel for kids.
“It was written by Luke Bassan and somebody else, who clearly didn't have a feel for what little kids like.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:37:57 · Bill Simmons (0.60 sure it was them)
lineage (sequel quality): Taken → Taken 3. Taken 3 is conceded as horrific.
“let's concede that taken 3 was horrific”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:42:00 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
lineage (sequel quality): Taken 2 → John Wick: Chapter 2. Simmons says Taken 2 is not the case where the sequel is arguably better than the first, as John Wick 2 is.
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:42:12 · Bill Simmons (0.80 sure it was them)
lineage (sequel quality): Taken → Taken 2. The first film works because there is no main villain and Neeson figures it out as we watch; Taken 2 gives him a known enemy.
“I like Liam Neeson figuring it out. I don't like him being pitted in a spot where we know exactly what he has to do.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:43:16 · Shea Serrano (0.70 sure it was them)
what-if (casting what-if): Jeff Bridges → Liam Neeson. Jeff Bridges was the first choice for Brian but dropped out because it was too physical, paving the way for Neeson.
“paving the way for Liam Neeson to be Brian?”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:43:46 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
career (career association): Jeff Bridges → Hell or High Water. Serrano reaches for Jeff Bridges as a real actor in the Neeson mold, citing Hell or High Water.
“Jeff Bridges, hell or high water, Jeff Bridges?”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:44:01 · Shea Serrano (0.60 sure it was them)
theme (trope): Taken → Training Day. Bad guys playing cards at the hideout is a staple, as in Training Day, which was even more intense.
“this happened in training day as well, and training day was even more intense”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:45:40 · Bill Simmons (0.50 sure it was them)
unmapped (method commitment): Liam Neeson → Tom Cruise. Neeson trained in karate during four months in Paris, which went a little Tom Cruise.
“Went a little Tom Cruise on us, really wanted to live the role.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:47:44 · Bill Simmons (0.80 sure it was them)
theme (toddler comparison): Furious 7 → Taken. Toddlers are like cars without brakes, as in Furious 7 with Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.
“in fact, in Furious seven. Vin Diesel and Paul Walker in that car are jumping across buildings because there's no breaks in it.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:52:34 · Bill Simmons (0.60 sure it was them)
theme (same era): Maggie Grace → Lost. Maggie Grace was on Lost at the same time as Taken, and this is her Apex Mountain.
“Maggie Grace, um, who was also on Lost at the same time as taken.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:55:33 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
people (dream casting): Steve Buscemi → Taken. Both hosts independently put Buscemi as the manager of the sex trafficking auction.
“I think Steve could have been the guy on charge of the in charge of the auction.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:57:06 · Shea Serrano (0.50 sure it was them)
unmapped (overacting): Alive → Taken. Simmons's overacting category is nearly named after a guy in Alive, prompted by the sex club manager's performance in Taken.
“there's an overacting guy in that, that was like the quintessential. I almost want to name the category after him.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:58:35 · Bill Simmons (0.80 sure it was them)
unmapped (worldbuilding): Taken → John Wick. Both drop the viewer into a hidden criminal world with only hints, and it works because they do not over-explain.
“they just dropped you into this world, and they give you little hints of other parts of it, so you know, or you assume that these things exist, but they don't ever go into explaining anything.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 1:04:53 · Shea Serrano (0.70 sure it was them)
unmapped (failed imitation): Wanted → John Wick. Wanted tried the same assassin-network trick but explained too much and flopped.
“It didn't work with that movie Wanted. Remember they try to do the exact same thing with Wanted.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 1:05:18 · Shea Serrano (0.70 sure it was them)
theme (trope): Taken → Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. Both stage the illicit auction downstairs while the party continues upstairs.
“They do the same thing in the Fallen Kingdom, the New Jurassic World movie. There's like a dinosaur auction.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 1:06:08 · Bill Simmons (0.60 sure it was them)
industry (streaming 5 o'clocker): Taken → Braven. Braven is a solid modern 5 o'clocker, and streaming services may make many more Taken-style movies.
“I feel like the 5 o'clocker is back.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 1:06:57 · Shea Serrano (0.60 sure it was them)
industry (streaming revival): Taken → To All the Boys I've Loved Before. Netflix revives mid-budget genres theaters stopped making, such as rom-coms, and could do the same for Taken-style action.
“what if we get a string of taken style movies on Netflix?”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 1:07:43 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
unmapped (kidnapping untapped): Kidnap → Ransom. Simmons asks about Ransom as another kidnapping movie streamers could remake; Serrano is out on Mel Gibson.
“Where do you stand on ransom with Mo Gibson?”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 1:09:20 · Bill Simmons (0.80 sure it was them)

Fun items (23)

fun, about Taken: Simmons's dad, a school superintendent near Boston, called action movies a 5 o'clocker: the 5 o'clock showing he caught on the way home to turn his brain off. Taken is called the quintessential 5 o'clocker.
“I would say taken is the quintessential 5 o'clocker.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:03:32 · Bill Simmons (0.80 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Simmons remembers the trailer, which was nearly the whole phone speech, airing between the second and third quarter of a Texans-Pats game. He asked: what is this, where can I see this.
“you're like what? What is this? Where can I see this?”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:13:45 · Bill Simmons (0.50 sure it was them)
fun, about Liam Neeson: Pre-Taken Neeson was Schindler, Kinsey, Michael Collins, Woody Allen and Scorsese movies, so no one expected karate in Paris. His 6'4" frame matters more than you notice because films usually make everyone look the same size.
“This was not somebody we expected to see like doing karate in Paris.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:14:05 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: The perfect 5 o'clocker can be described in five words or less: Liam Neeson, daughter gets taken. Neeson's later films do the same: wilderness wolves, airplane, train conspiracy.
“I love action movies where you can describe the plot in 5 words or less.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:14:55 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Hiding under the bed has a success rate of zero in movies. Simmons's only winning case: his youngest grabbed him by the ankle from under a low IKEA bed during hide and seek.
“it just seems like going under the bed has a success rate of zero.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:26:17 · Shea Serrano (0.50 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Rewatchable scene list: Kimmy gets taken, the phone call, the apartment of bad guys, the underpaid bad guy, dinner at Jean-Claude's, the ending. Serrano's pick flipped over time from the phone call to dinner.
“It is Brian shows up to Jean-Claude's house for dinner, is not only my favorite scene in this movie, but is one of the greatest cable scenes of all time.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:28:38 · Shea Serrano (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: At dinner Neeson shoots Jean-Claude's wife in the arm because Jean-Claude forgot the weight of a gun (it is empty), then says relax, it's a flesh wound.
“Relax, it's a flesh wound.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:30:02 · Shea Serrano (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: The movie's biggest lesson, per the hosts: don't let your daughter go to Europe unless you're there, and don't sit behind a desk or you'll forget the weight of a gun.
“And the biggest lesson of this movie is you get soft behind a desk.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:34:14 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: What's aged the best: Simmons names the speech; Serrano counters that it was 100 out of 100 right away so it could not age better. Answer instead: Neeson, whose entire IMDb got retrofit.
“That speech was 100 out of a 100 right away.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:36:13 · Shea Serrano (0.50 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Aged worst: every non-American foreigner is a kidnapper, and two teenage girls lying to their parents to follow U2 around Europe in 2008, when the band was in their late 50s. Simmons's wife's counter: every young white woman loves U2.
“every young white woman loves you too.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:39:26 · Bill Simmons (0.50 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Nitpick: every other kidnapped woman is a heroin zombie, but Kim is out of it only a little, then bounces back in two weeks, cheery, with no emotional distress, ready for a pop-star singing lesson.
“Within 2 weeks, she's cheery as ever.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:41:39 · Bill Simmons (0.60 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Dion Waiters Award nominees for biggest heat check include Marco, the good luck guy, and Marco's friends who all claim to be Marco and all from Tripoli. Bad guys playing cards is a staple; hosts wish for Monopoly.
“When he says, which one of you is Marco in that one guy's like, we're all Marco.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:45:28 · Shea Serrano (0.50 sure it was them)
fun, about Liam Neeson: Neeson expected Taken to go straight to video and spent four months in Paris learning karate. Neeson also says American parents thanked him and he tells them the danger was exaggerated and to travel more.
“Liam Neeson expected this movie to go straight to video.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:47:28 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Famke Janssen: Trivia from internet research: Janssen, who played the incompetent ex-wife, now serves as a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN office on drugs and crime, inspired by Taken.
“She now serves as the Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations office on drugs and crime.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:47:56 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Shea Serrano: Serrano bonked his twin toddlers' heads together while tossing one in the air; his wife has never brought it up again, but he obeys her now.
“I'm just like, okay, you know something.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:49:23 · Shea Serrano (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Bill Simmons: Simmons's worst parenting moment: while watching Kevin Durant at Texas, his toddler Zoe walked out the open front door at night, and a stranger in a stopped car brought her back.
“I'm like, I can't, but Kevin Durant has given it to AC.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:51:27 · Bill Simmons (0.80 sure it was them)
fun, about Maggie Grace: Reportedly trained by running coach Alberto Salazar to run like a younger girl. Both hosts note she runs like a toddler and acts nine at seventeen, though she was older than the role.
“she very clearly runs like a toddler in the movie.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:54:29 · Bill Simmons (0.60 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Body count debate: Brian kills 31 people, or 35. Apex Mountain goes to Neeson for becoming an action star in his mid-50s, and to Maggie Grace, for whom it never got better than this.
“You became an action movie and your action movie star in your mid-50s.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:55:25 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Wrong-day question: the pop-star assassin picked the one night Brian guarded her, but the sheik, who just bought the wrong daughter, had the worst luck of all.
“Wrong day, sir.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:56:52 · Bill Simmons (0.40 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Nitpicks: Jean-Claude carries an unwrapped baguette; the kidnappers left the destroyed phone behind but locked the door; Neeson recognizes Marco's voice from two words, good luck.
“Can you really recognize a specific Albanian's voice just by having them repeat the words good luck?”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 0:59:32 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Best quotes besides the speech: it's a flesh wound; now's not the time for dick measuring, Stuart; and the line about forgetting the weight in the hand of a gun. The stepdad Stuart did nothing but supply the jet.
“Now's not the time for dick measuring, Stuart. Classic.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 1:02:04 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: The elaborate auction with red buttons probably does not exist as portrayed; Simmons jokes about a sex-slave auction draft guide. Movie auctions are always downstairs, as in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom's dinosaur auction.
“It's always downstairs.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 1:06:07 · Bill Simmons (0.50 sure it was them)
fun, about Taken: Who won the movie: Neeson, and the 5 o'clocker itself, which streaming services will now make and own, producing many more Taken-style movies, like Braven.
“That's that's way more of an insightful thing than I was expecting to happen on this taken podcast.”
The Rewatchables · 'Taken' With Bill Simmons and Shea Serrano · 1:07:19 · Bill Simmons (0.70 sure it was them)

Who's talking

Bill Simmons (host): Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Shea Serrano (guest): Loves action movies that make you feel the hero's performance, the Neeson phone speech, and Jean-Claude's dinner scene as a greatest-cable-scene. Defends Taken 2 mildly, dislikes sequels with a defined villain, and praises John Wick for hinting at a world. Wary of Mel Gibson movies.

The show's recurring bits

Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.

Names the transcriber got wrong

Liam Nason / Leon Neeson / Lilian Neeson = Liam Neeson
Shay / Chase Serrano / Shade = Shea Serrano
Sam Nason = Liam Neeson
Fam K. Jansen = Famke Janssen
Luke Bassan = Luc Besson
Slice Stallone / Sliced alone = Sylvester Stallone
Stephen Segal = Steven Seagal
Danny Treo = Danny Trejo
Man Genoble = Brian Mills (or Genoble garbled)
Jean-Croix / Jean-Claude = Jean-Claude (character)
Mo Gibson = Mel Gibson
Lisa / lease = Leesa (sponsor)
zip creator / zipcru.com = ZipRecruiter
Chad Wick / J Wick = John Wick
taking = Taken
Lenny = Lenore
Sheira = Sheerah
Mark Ruffalo (in the category line) = likely 'Mark Ruffalo Award for overacting' garbled
Pats Texans = Patriots vs Texans