Loves the rewatchable ones that snuck up on him and the last half hour of courtroom movies; is a sucker for stat-style trivia and Oscar conspiracies. Dislikes lazy car endings only mildly; mostly he cannot resist digging up oral-history detail.
Stances
Believes the frozen-envelope Oscar theory over Jack Palance
Pesci was the most improbable A-list star of his lifetime
Humor: Dry, sports-metaphor-heavy riffs and relentless trivia.
In their words
“I believe the David Stern thing, the frozen envelope way more than the Jack Palance.” (0:17:18)
“The most improbable A-list movie star I think we've had in my lifetime.” (0:25:57)
Loves ensemble comedies and a great one-line movie pitch, and believes in the McBride gospel. Can't stand Hitler-adjacent hand-wringing and sequels that disappoint (Fletch 2). A sucker for sports analogies (Dion Waiters, Stephen A.) and Kenny Powers bloopers.
Stances
Danny McBride is the funniest since Ferrell
Rogen and Goldberg did the right thing by not making sequels
Release the Hitler cut
Humor: Drops sports-radio-style asides and rapid callbacks to running Rewatchables gags.
In their words
“I said he was the he's the funniest guy since Ferrell.” (0:26:30)
Loves survival and wilderness movies, bears, and plot-heavy 90s star vehicles, and has read Art Linson's book on the making of the film. Won't rewatch The Revenant and dislikes bad casting. Sucker for nitpicks like the watch engraver and for sports analogies.
Stances
The Edge is the best mainstream bear movie
Bart the Bear won the movie
A real actress should have played Mickey
Baldwin is a prick on set but a good actor
Always in on survival movies
Humor: Rapid sports analogies, deadpan nitpicks, and elaborate hypothetical bits.
In their words
“Bart the Bear won the movie.” (1:34:04)
“Sadly, it's Elle McPherson's acting, for sure.” (1:02:43)
Loves ensemble casts throwing 98 miles an hour, office thrillers, and A-listers used from the bullpen. Dislikes weak links and weak titles. A sucker for a good rewatch category.
Stances
Margin Call is better than The Big Short
Margin Call is a horror movie more than a drama
Irons is the worst human being
Margin Call is a bad title
Humor: Runs bits and games, poking at colleagues and his own diet.
In their words
“I dig that it's more of a horror movie than a drama.” (0:01:48)
“I just like this movie more than the big short.” (1:04:08)
Loves tidy, perfectly executed genre movies and the Rewatchables test of whether you can roll in midway. A Goldman and Stephen King devotee; hot-take prone about Kathy Bates. Can't stand slow first hours and logistical plot holes. A sucker for Knicks tangents.
Stances
Misery is a perfect thing but only a tier 2 or 3 rewatchable
Bates is the best Best Actress performance of the last 30 years
Loves hangout comedy where friends rip each other, improvised bits, and a well-timed needle drop. Sucker for sports analogies and for the stars-who-have-it argument. Wary of bloated runtimes and subplots that go nowhere.
Stances
The com-rom era (2004-2011) is a real genre shift from the 89-05 rom-com boom
Knocked Up is too long and should be about 1:40
The fantasy-baseball cheating subplot and the labor sequence are the weak links
Heigl and Lohan are the decade's two lost superstars
Humor: Dry, list-and-stat-driven riffs and sports comparisons, plus teasing his producer.
In their words
“I just think her and Lohan are the 2 lost superstars from this decade.” (0:25:19)
“That's got to be the best comedy producing run anyone's had.” (0:10:54)
“It is 7.5 minutes that you could cut so easily.” (0:54:05)
Loves 80s excess, star-power movies, Eddie Murphy, Simpson-Bruckheimer productions, and magazine research on set chaos. Cannot stand Axel being asexual again and plot holes like Jan. A sucker for action-comedy, theme songs, and sports analogies.
Stances
Cop II is more rewatchable than Cop I, though not better
Eddie Murphy is on his all-time favorites short list
The movie should have been 10-15 minutes longer
Villains are overstuffed (five villains)
Humor: Delivers deadpan 80s-coke-era jokes and sports analogies, and riffs on producer Don Simpson excess.
In their words
“So, yeah, the 80s are the fucking best.” (0:17:59)
“I don't think it's a better movie, but I actually think it's a more rewatchable movie because it's sleeker.” (0:21:30)
Loves early-90s LA-mystique movies, cameo spotting, and rewatching favorite sequences. Admits Altman's Popeye turned him off as a kid and he loves Striking Distance and Sarah Jessica Parker. Can't connect with Greta Scacchi's character and says Scacchi is not that good here.
Stances
The Player is where meta-Hollywood storytelling starts
Greta Scacchi's character is underwritten and he doesn't get her
Randall Batinkoff deserved a career
Hollywood execs are always the bad guys in these stories
Humor: Runs bits (Striking Distance week, rookie cards, Total Dunk) and plays the straight man to the others' riffs.
In their words
“I remember seeing presumed innocent in the theater with my buddy Bysch.” (1:05:50)
Loves movies of his own youth, the 1990s theatrical-era blockbusters and John McClane's mix of comedy and action. Cannot stand the Die Hard-as-Christmas-movie take and finds the plane crash a conflicted, joyless moment. A sucker for NBA metaphors, Regarding Henry as a cult comedy, and bad-movie tangents.
Stances
Die Hard and Die Hard 2 are not Christmas movies
the plane crash is memorable, not rewatchable
Regarding Henry is now a hilarious comedy
the plot and getaway plan do not make sense
Humor: Rapid-fire running bits, sports analogies, self-deprecating dad jokes and stubborn contrarian takes.
In their words
“In my heart of hearts, it's not a Christmas movie.” (1:16:22)
“I wouldn't call it rewatchable, more like memorable” (0:30:15)
Loves rewatchable ensemble thrillers, box-office and calendar context, and sports analogies; delights in bad-guy-as-star casting what-ifs. Can't stand Contact. A sucker for production trivia and record-setting script sales.
Stances
Contact is an awful movie
Fincher's movies are rewatchable and date-movie friendly
Panic Room is a well-made B movie elevated by its director
Loves adult 90s movies, period detail on set walls (Planet of the Apes, Doors, Nixon posters), Sigourney Weaver and Joan Allen, and any chance to rank things. Can't stand water beds, Elijah Wood's one move, or an unearned plot beat. A sucker for nostalgia, sports analogies, and the key party as a gimmick.
Stances
Ice Storm has almost no standalone rewatchable scenes beyond the key party
Joan Allen deserved an Oscar nomination
The film needs the mid-90s to make sense
Humor: Turns everything into sports analogies and running bits like premature-ejaculation jokes.
In their words
“There's really almost no rewatchable scenes other than, um, other than the key party.” (0:03:10)
“What was fun about a water bed?” (0:55:34)
“I love bong scenes in movies, just I'm always in bong scenes.” (0:51:14)
Loves sports movies, speeches, and tight dramatizations of events he lived through; remembers 1980 in detail. Cannot stand wet-blanket wives and sports movies that run long. A sucker for Remember the Titans and memorabilia.
Stances
Third period of the USSR game is most rewatchable
The wife character is one of the worst of its kind
Disney sports movies run 20 minutes too long
Pacino in Any Given Sunday is the top sports speech
Humor: Anecdotal, self-deprecating tangents tied to his own life.
In their words
“I said this was the greatest moment of my entire childhood.” (0:01:33)
Loves Steve Martin's whole career and sentimental family movies; a sucker for dad-daughter material now that he has a 16-year-old. Cannot stand Martin Short's one-note gag, mis-cast Diane Keaton in The Godfather, and sloppy wedding logistics. Loves celebrity trivia, rating scales, and 90s nostalgia.
Stances
Father of the Bride is the default my-daughter-is-getting-married movie
Steve Martin's second-career peak starts here but his true apex was 1978-79
Annie is a bad daughter
Martin Short is overacted and one note
Teen Wolf has the worst basketball scene ever
Humor: Deadpan self-deprecating dad humor plus sports analogies (Apex to Nader, Patriots losing).
In their words
“This is the only my daughter is getting married movie that I think is the default for everybody.” (0:01:54)
“The worst, the worst basketball scene ever in a movie is in Teen Wolf.” (0:42:02)
Loves films that capture a time and place and treats the Bee Gees soundtrack as untouchable. Cares about the production mechanics and the behind-the-scenes deals (Stigwood, Paramount, the Steadicam). Can't stand weak casting and unfinished payoffs such as the dance contest and the hollow Rocky-style moment. A sucker for dance-floor takeover scenes.
Stances
Travolta wins the movie; Grease was his apex
The dance contest should have been better
Karen Lynn Gorney was miscast
The movie may be more self-aware than it looks
Staying Alive is bad but he is glad it exists
Humor: Dry deadpan on production oddities and blunt about miscasting; reads trivia like a prosecutor.
In their words
“Fuck up the legacy of Saturday.” (0:43:22)
“I'm so confused why she got cast for this movie that I actually spent like a half hour Googling it” (0:55:09)
“I think the 1st 5 minutes of it are among the 5 funniest moments minutes of the entire 80s.” (1:17:53)
Loves Newman, a rewatchable sports-movie structure, montages, and 80s style, and was a serious pool player. Wants a sports movie to show who won, and gripes about the forfeit logic. A sucker for Cruise committing to a bit.
Stances
Newman might be his favorite actor of all time
The ending's forfeit never added up
Wanted to see who won the final match
Pool deserves a TV comeback
Humor: Self-deprecating pool-hustler boasts and long running riffs like a White Lotus sequel.
In their words
“I actually think he might be my favorite actor of all time” (0:42:49)
“I hate the forfeit in the tournament.” (1:08:52)
“Did you model your game after anyone you saw in this movie?” (1:00:11)
Loves mainstream, star-driven 80s and early-90s comedies and sports-flavored framing; admires Bill Murray. Skeptical about the film's morals, raising whether Bob is a sociopath, and nitpicks plot logic. Sucker for box-office year lists and trivia.
Stances
Considers What About Bob? almost perfect yet asks 'what was the point'
Believes Murray had three career phases
Full team Bill Murray over Dreyfuss
No recasting needed because everyone is perfect
Humor: Dry, list-heavy riffs, teasing his co-hosts about their weekend habits and the crew, and sports metaphors.
In their words
“This movie kills me. I think it's almost perfect.” (0:01:41)
Loves ensemble crime movies and gets sentimental about the 1981 era; relishes procedural detail and tough-guy actors. Can't stand muddled endings but is easy on style. Sucker for Chicago movies and Running Scared.
Stances
Thief and Heat are a Mann family
Ferris Bueller best Chicago movie
Humor: Rapid-fire riffing and ad reads.
In their words
“I'm literally the number one fan of running scared.” (1:09:04)
Loves a patient procedural that sucks you in on cable, and ranks Freeman's contributions highly. Likes trivia like diner locations and casting what-ifs, and sports analogies for everything. Sucker for the last forty minutes of a great movie.
Stances
Wants to come in halfway through; the last hour is the rewatch.
Brad Pitt is good here but not top-tier; Freeman's apex is after Se7en.
Sly in Se7en would derail it.
Humor: Escalates a nitpick into a long mock-forensic bit, with sports metaphors.
In their words
“Seven lives are saved.” (0:59:59)
“How do you mail someone a severed head, Chris?” (1:14:04)
Loves 80s cable comedies that wear you down on rewatch, Lakers lore, and character-actor trivia. Defends The Saint and Val Kilmer against everyone. Can't stand misses of what a movie is trying to be; a sucker for sports detail and Mystery Science Theater.
Stances
Fletch is a stone cold classic and one of the most quotable movies of the 80s
Chevy Chase's career is a fascinating drug-era casualty arc
The Saint is underrated
Humor: Deadpan trash talk of his co-hosts and a running self-owning bit about his own obsessions.
In their words
“This is a stone cold fucking classic, and we need to put respect on Fletch's name.” (0:02:50)
Loves cars, sports analogies, and the first half of Ferris; fixated on timelines, nitpicks, and category structure. Can not stand Cameron's decision to destroy the Ferrari. A sucker for big iconic cars and 80s teenage girl nostalgia.
Stances
The first half of the movie is better than the second
Cameron should not have destroyed the car
Hughes won the movie
Parade traffic would make the timeline impossible
Humor: Mock-serious obsession with logistics and trivia, running gags like Mount Rushmores and Hall of Fame inductions.
In their words
“It's like, honestly, watching a perfect game all the way, even at the Wrigley Field, the baseball game.” (0:18:08)
“It a replica, as it turns out.” (0:40:45)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
career (career arc):
Anthony Hopkins → Hannibal.
Hannibal and Red Dragon are late-60s money grabs; Hannibal didn't work for Bill because Hopkins is much older.
“Which didn't work for me because he's so much older than he was in Silence of the Lambs, but it's a prequel.”
theme (genre copy):
Color of Night → Basic Instinct.
Bruce Willis's Color of Night was another Basic Instinct era noir with a famous full-frontal moment.
“Everyone, remember Bruce Willis did that movie where he showed his penis?”
people (same actor):
Prelude to a Kiss → Malice.
Bill calls Prelude to a Kiss, not Malice or Edge, the Baldwin performance where he finally works as a leading man.
what-if (casting what-if):
The Edge → The Fugitive.
Harrison Ford, two years after The Fugitive, was the studio's dream lead; with him it becomes a $200 million movie.
“Like, if we get Harrison Ford, there's a $200000000 movie.”
what-if (casting what-if):
Harrison Ford → Anthony Hopkins.
If Ford had the Hopkins part the film changes because you blindly root for Ford.
“if Harrison Ford was in the Hopkins spot. First of all, it is, this is a different movie because now I'm rooting for, it's just in, you're blind rooting for Harrison Ford in every movie.”
theme (trope):
The Edge → Halloween H2O.
The rule of three, that the Black guy dies when three are left, was subverted by LL Cool J in H2O and Deep Blue Sea.
unmapped (famous death):
Deep Blue Sea → Samuel L. Jackson.
Sam Jackson's shock death was a promoted star dying, in a scene Van counts among the greats.
what-if (casting what-if):
Robert De Niro → Anthony Hopkins.
De Niro went far down the road for the Hopkins part, including a table read, but kept worrying about the bear.
unmapped (bear movie):
The Edge → The Revenant.
Bart the Bear versus the Revenant's bear: The Edge is the best mainstream bear movie; The Revenant is beautiful but too brutal to rewatch.
career (career peak):
Harold Perrineau → Lost.
Harold Perrineau's run on Oz, The Best Man and Lost is called his Apex Mountain; Lost the biggest audience.
“I mean, you could argue lost as probably as Apex mine.”
programming (double feature):
The Edge → The Ghost and the Darkness.
Ghost and the Darkness, from around the same time, is another animal-stalking pairing.
“You could also talk me to Ghost in the Darkness because this came right around this time or they're chasing the killer lions.”
unmapped (dramatization):
The Edge → What Just Happened.
Barry Levinson's 2008 film, drawn from Art Linson's book, fictionalizes the making of The Edge, including the beard fight and De Niro.
“They made a movie based on Art Linson's book, and a lot of it is about making this stupid movie and a big part about him not shaving the beard”
theme (genre):
Margin Call → Michael Clayton.
Simmons groups Margin Call with Michael Clayton, Shattered Glass and Moneyball as modern office thrillers.
industry (industry):
Margin Call → Contagion.
Simmons lists 2011 movies like Margin Call, Moneyball, Limitless, Contagion as the end of the pre-streaming era; today they'd be pitched as TV.
“this was kind of the end of the pre-streaming era.”
industry (industry):
Margin Call → The Big Short.
Simmons says Big Short hurt Margin Call by swallowing its oxygen, making it less rewatchable on cable.
“Big Short kind of swallowed up a little bit of the oxygen around this story.”
craft (craft):
Robert De Niro → Midnight Run.
Simmons calls De Niro the Michael Jordan of cigarette-smoking, citing Jimmy Conway and Jack Walsh in Midnight Run.
programming (programming):
Misery → The Silence of the Lambs.
Annie Wilkes and Hannibal Lecter came back to back, two great thriller characters in 12 months.
“Annie Wilkes and Hannibal Lecter, back to back ears.”
lineage (lineage):
Knocked Up → When Harry Met Sally.
Bill dates the rom-com boom as starting with When Harry Met Sally and running to the mid 2000s, with Knocked Up on the other side of the shift.
lineage (lineage):
Mean Girls → Knocked Up.
Bill thinks Mean Girls may have been the first to figure out 'more funny than romantic, but also having the romance'.
“I feel like mean girls might have been the 1st one that figured out.”
programming (programming):
Knocked Up → Mean Girls.
Bill groups Knocked Up with Mean Girls, 40-Year-Old Virgin, Wedding Crashers, Sarah Marshall and Bridesmaids as the 'com-rom' cycle.
“Mean girls, 40 year old virgin, wedding crashers, knocked up, Sarah Marshall, EZA bridesmaids.”
lineage (lineage):
Starting Over → Knocked Up.
Bill offers Starting Over (Burt Reynolds, a love triangle in Boston) as an early prototype of Apatow movies.
“It's got, it feels like a very early prototype of these Apatow movies.”
fun, about
Jay Barrishell:
Daily Beast interview: Jay said he and Jonah didn't get along and found Jonah's compliment scene exhausting, then loved the rough cut.
fun, about
Rihanna:
Slapped Michael Cera for real; Cera asked if he could slap her butt and she said only if she could hit back; multiple takes left him lying down.
“he asked Rihanna if he could actually slap her butt and she said, if I can hit you back.”
fun, about
Alec Baldwin:
On set Baldwin refused to shave his beard, so Bill Pullman was lined up to replace him; he then shaved but stopped talking to the director for the shoot.
“And then won't talk to the director for the rest of the shoot.”
fun, about
David Mamet:
Art Linson's book: in the pitch an executive objected that nobody roots for a rich guy, so Mamet added the affair and the cuckold angle.
fun, about
Bart the Bear:
Bart's filmography: Legends of the Fall, The Great Outdoors, 12 Monkeys, Grizzly Adams, presented at the 1998 Academy Awards.
“He was a presenter at the Academy Awards in 1998”
fun, about
Paul Bettany:
Balcony speech: fear of falling is really fear that you might jump; then the money-left-after-taxes run with 76,520 on hookers.
fun, about
Margin Call:
Casting what-ifs: Irons role first offered to Ben Kingsley, Tim Robbins and Billy Crudup passed, Carla Gugino was to play Demi Moore's part.
“The Jeremy Ions ions world was originally offered too.”
fun, about
Misery:
Goldman wanted the job because of King's foot-chopping scene; George Roy Hill could not direct it, and Reiner and Scheinman softened it to the ankle-breaking hobbling.
“The lapping scene was gone now forever replaced by the ankle breaking scene.”
fun, about
Judd Apatow:
Bill reads the Rudd character as a stand-in for Judd, with Apatow's own wife and kids on screen: 'Judd's really going through something'.
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
A Premiere magazine piece says the script was rewritten dozens of times, finalized three weeks before production, with a 10-week shoot stretching to 20.
“Cop 2 ate up the energy of 2 executive producers, 2 producers, one director, 6 writers, and various productive production executives of personnel at Paramount.”
fun, about
Brigitte Nielsen:
Most rewatchable scene pick: the jewelry-store robbery with the robber calling out elapsed time and time left.
“If a movie features a scene where there is a robbery and the robber is calling out the amount of time that they've been in there and how much time they have left, probably going to be a rewatchable at some point.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Murphy's original pitch was a Testarossa and a Beverly Hills gun club; the studio first considered England/Scotland Yard and a TV series, but Murphy refused both.
“Murphy's ideas was that that Folish should have a testeras, Rosa Ferrari, and that there should be something at the Beverly Hills gun club.”
fun, about
Tony Scott:
Scott flew to New Jersey to meet Murphy, shot pool, then Murphy vanished mid-rematch and sent his boys to say Scott was fine with him.
“Scott recalls shooting some pool with Murphy. who won the 1st game, then disappeared in the middle of a rematch.”
fun, about
Eddie Murphy:
Murphy arrived with a huge trailer and an entourage including his Uncle Ray, brother Charlie, cousin Ray Jr., Fruity, and a 21-year-old valet, and was late all the time, then ad-libbed.
“he was late all the time, according to one of the crew.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Eddie Murphy himself called it the most successful mediocre picture in history, a half-assed rehash that was less spontaneous. Both hosts disagree and say they love it.
“Beverly Hills cop 2 was probably the most successful mediocre picture in history.”
fun, about
Eddie Murphy:
Murphy bought a $65,000 Porsche at lunch when depressed, and fought producers to keep the Ferrari from the movie; the producers' spokesman denied they ever gave him one.
“Eddie may have bought a red Ferrari, but Don and Jerry never gave him one.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Most rewatchable scene: Axel at the gun club pleading for his daughters Monique and Unique; Simmons calls it a fucking classic.
“I'd like to see my kids, Monique and Unique again, fucking classic.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Best quote candidate: the Gerald Ford lookalike in the strip club; Simmons says he still doesn't know why it's funny after all these years.
fun, about
Tony Scott:
On the armored-truck city deposit robbery: Scott takes off his shirt, rubs body butter on his arms and does action-sequence curls for three minutes.
“Tony's like, takes off his shirt, rubs his arms with body butter, and just fucking does some curls for us for about 3 minutes.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Ages the best: the opening song 'Shakedown' by Bob Seger; Simmons wants more theme songs thematically drawn from the movie, like running away from crime in the city.
“We just don't have, we used to do things in this country.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Ages the best: Producer Craig plays the Faltermeyer opening and Simmons says it makes him want to rob a jewelry store; they plan to end pods with a 45-second Craig song.
fun, about
Hugh Hefner:
First movie ever filmed at the Playboy Mansion; Hefner had said no film, then supposedly found a film reflecting his values. Paul Reiser also reads Playboy Sisters in three scenes.
“Reiser, he's reading Playboy Sisters, 112 pages of Sexy Siblings.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Casting what-if: Simmons wants Geena Davis in the thin role of Bogomil's daughter Jan, and Ryan wants Lisa Bonet as a strip-club character killed to fuel Axel's revenge, an 11-minute sidetrack.
“It's just 2 phone calls and then she's like, I've solved where this guy's visa came from?”