Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
career (career arc):
Anthony Hopkins → Hannibal.
Hannibal and Red Dragon are late-60s money grabs; Hannibal didn't work for Bill because Hopkins is much older.
“Which didn't work for me because he's so much older than he was in Silence of the Lambs, but it's a prequel.”
theme (genre copy):
Color of Night → Basic Instinct.
Bruce Willis's Color of Night was another Basic Instinct era noir with a famous full-frontal moment.
“Everyone, remember Bruce Willis did that movie where he showed his penis?”
people (same actor):
Prelude to a Kiss → Malice.
Bill calls Prelude to a Kiss, not Malice or Edge, the Baldwin performance where he finally works as a leading man.
what-if (casting what-if):
The Edge → The Fugitive.
Harrison Ford, two years after The Fugitive, was the studio's dream lead; with him it becomes a $200 million movie.
“Like, if we get Harrison Ford, there's a $200000000 movie.”
what-if (casting what-if):
Harrison Ford → Anthony Hopkins.
If Ford had the Hopkins part the film changes because you blindly root for Ford.
“if Harrison Ford was in the Hopkins spot. First of all, it is, this is a different movie because now I'm rooting for, it's just in, you're blind rooting for Harrison Ford in every movie.”
theme (trope):
The Edge → Halloween H2O.
The rule of three, that the Black guy dies when three are left, was subverted by LL Cool J in H2O and Deep Blue Sea.
unmapped (famous death):
Deep Blue Sea → Samuel L. Jackson.
Sam Jackson's shock death was a promoted star dying, in a scene Van counts among the greats.
what-if (casting what-if):
Robert De Niro → Anthony Hopkins.
De Niro went far down the road for the Hopkins part, including a table read, but kept worrying about the bear.
unmapped (bear movie):
The Edge → The Revenant.
Bart the Bear versus the Revenant's bear: The Edge is the best mainstream bear movie; The Revenant is beautiful but too brutal to rewatch.
career (career peak):
Harold Perrineau → Lost.
Harold Perrineau's run on Oz, The Best Man and Lost is called his Apex Mountain; Lost the biggest audience.
“I mean, you could argue lost as probably as Apex mine.”
programming (double feature):
The Edge → The Ghost and the Darkness.
Ghost and the Darkness, from around the same time, is another animal-stalking pairing.
“You could also talk me to Ghost in the Darkness because this came right around this time or they're chasing the killer lions.”
unmapped (dramatization):
The Edge → What Just Happened.
Barry Levinson's 2008 film, drawn from Art Linson's book, fictionalizes the making of The Edge, including the beard fight and De Niro.
“They made a movie based on Art Linson's book, and a lot of it is about making this stupid movie and a big part about him not shaving the beard”
theme (genre):
Margin Call → Michael Clayton.
Simmons groups Margin Call with Michael Clayton, Shattered Glass and Moneyball as modern office thrillers.
industry (industry):
Margin Call → Contagion.
Simmons lists 2011 movies like Margin Call, Moneyball, Limitless, Contagion as the end of the pre-streaming era; today they'd be pitched as TV.
“this was kind of the end of the pre-streaming era.”
industry (industry):
Margin Call → The Big Short.
Simmons says Big Short hurt Margin Call by swallowing its oxygen, making it less rewatchable on cable.
“Big Short kind of swallowed up a little bit of the oxygen around this story.”
craft (craft):
Robert De Niro → Midnight Run.
Simmons calls De Niro the Michael Jordan of cigarette-smoking, citing Jimmy Conway and Jack Walsh in Midnight Run.
programming (programming):
Misery → The Silence of the Lambs.
Annie Wilkes and Hannibal Lecter came back to back, two great thriller characters in 12 months.
“Annie Wilkes and Hannibal Lecter, back to back ears.”
lineage (lineage):
Knocked Up → When Harry Met Sally.
Bill dates the rom-com boom as starting with When Harry Met Sally and running to the mid 2000s, with Knocked Up on the other side of the shift.
lineage (lineage):
Mean Girls → Knocked Up.
Bill thinks Mean Girls may have been the first to figure out 'more funny than romantic, but also having the romance'.
“I feel like mean girls might have been the 1st one that figured out.”
programming (programming):
Knocked Up → Mean Girls.
Bill groups Knocked Up with Mean Girls, 40-Year-Old Virgin, Wedding Crashers, Sarah Marshall and Bridesmaids as the 'com-rom' cycle.
“Mean girls, 40 year old virgin, wedding crashers, knocked up, Sarah Marshall, EZA bridesmaids.”
lineage (lineage):
Starting Over → Knocked Up.
Bill offers Starting Over (Burt Reynolds, a love triangle in Boston) as an early prototype of Apatow movies.
“It's got, it feels like a very early prototype of these Apatow movies.”
fun, about
Fletch (cut scenes):
Original posters showed Fletch as a hockey player; a cut fantasy had him pitching in the World Series until Lasorda pulls him, explaining his later grudge against Lasorda.
“There's another fantasy moment that was cut where he pitches in the World Series and Lasorda pulls him from the game.”
fun, about
Fletch (Apex Mountain):
Apex Mountain: Chevy's apex is SNL or the 85-86 comeback; Harold Faltermeyer's is Beverly Hills Cop into this into Top Gun; Kareem's is 1980 or 1985.
fun, about
Fletch:
Lakers jersey, the Magic-Bird poster in the apartment, and the faded purple; Fletch jersey became a thing people wore; Chick Hearn's street named maybe because of Fletch.
fun, about
Matthew Broderick:
Casting what-ifs: first choice for Alex P. Keaton, cast then dropped out of The Flamingo Kid (Matt Dillon's breakout), turned down Johnny Utah in Point Break. Hosts say he is not a quarterback.
“He turned down the role of Johnny Utah, point break.”
fun, about
Ferris Bueller's Day Off:
Bill's 2009 mailbag timeline test: fit the whole day (Sears Tower, exchange, art museum, Chez Louis, Wrigley, parade, car repair) into under 8 hours. He challenged readers to reenact it; no one did.
“I challenged everyone in 2009 to to, I was like, all right, 3 high school or college people, just try to reenact this and see if you can do this in 8 hours.”
fun, about
Ferris Bueller's Day Off:
Most Rewatchable Scene nominees: the they bought it monologue, Cameron deciding to leave, Ferris picking up Sloane, the Abe Froman call, the Star Wars Ferrari joyride, the art museum, Cameron destroying the car, and Ferris sprinting home.
“My winner for this is I'm going to break rewatchables tradition for the 1st time in 110 episodes”
fun, about
Ferris Bueller's Day Off:
Bill's pick: the parking attendants' joyride in the Ferrari set to Star Wars music, one of the hardest he has ever laughed.
“It probably made me laugh top 4 hardest ever in a movie”
fun, about
Robert Smith (The Cure):
The art museum scene bombed with Robert Smith's original music; they swapped in an instrumental of a Smiths song and it worked.
“they even said in the test screening for this, they use different music and it just didn't work.”
fun, about
Mia Sara:
Mount Rushmore of mid-80s teen girls: Bill inducts Mia Sara alongside Kelly Preston, Joyce Hyser, and Elizabeth Shue; Chris is accused of taking it too far.
“I do want to induct her into the mid 80s Mount Rushmore with Kelly Preston, Joyce Heiser, and Elizabeth Shu.”
fun, about
Richard Edson:
Joey Pants Award (best that guy): both parking attendants. Edson's filmography is notable, including Stranger Than Paradise, Platoon, Do the Right Thing.
“Edson is in more important movies than almost any actor in the 80s.”
fun, about
Charlie Sheen:
Dion Waiters Award (small role, big impact): Charlie Sheen in the police station. Reportedly stayed up over two days for the look.
fun, about
Ferris Bueller's Day Off:
Deleted scene: Ferris takes a bond bought at his birth from his dad's closet and cashes it, funding the day. Cut because it made him look like a thief.
“It was removed because it made him seem like a thief.”
fun, about
Matthew Broderick:
Broderick hurt his knee in the running scene, which was shot before Twist and Shout, so he could not do much choreography; a blessing because the scene would have run longer.
“thank God, because then that scene would have been longer.”
fun, about
Ferris Bueller's Day Off:
The post-credits bus scene was supposed to be in the film; Hughes loved it and threw it at the end, so the school bus of kids coming home at 6 makes no sense.
“I think John his is just like, fuck it, I'm putting it in.”
fun, about
Ferris Bueller's Day Off:
Hosts say the car in the movie is a replica; maker Modena Design was sued by Ferrari and went bankrupt. A real 1961 250 GT California sold for around $18 million.
“Ferrari ended up suing them and they went bankrupt because of this movie.”
fun, about
John Hughes:
Cameron wears a Red Wings jersey, not Blackhawks, because Hughes grew up in Michigan and idolized Gordie Howe, which still bothers Bill.
“John Hughes grew up 1st 12 years of his life in Michigan, loved the local hockey team, the Red Wings.”
fun, about
John Hughes:
Who won the movie: Hughes first, Broderick second, Cameron third. Bill argues Hughes is the most-seen, most-loved director since 1980 and had no rival in his lane.
“I think you could make the case that since 1980, he is the director who more people have a serious relationship to his movies than any other person”
fun, about
Once Upon a Time in Hollywood:
Tarantino's 10-film plan and the idea of 300 minutes of Bounty Law: he has threatened to make five episodes of it, possibly on Netflix, though Leo may not agree.
“he's been threatening doing 5 episodes of bounty law. like for real.”
fun, about
Eddie Murphy:
On Letterman after this film, Eddie came on in a Michael Jackson suit and behaved differently; after buying Bubble Hill, the speaker says, a mansion every night is death for comedy.
“He was one of the biggest stars in the world and he had reached a point where there was no way to have normal interactions with anybody.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop:
Eddie was hired about two weeks before shooting on a script that had been kicking around since the 70s, and he improvised large swaths of it. Brest said every time they hit a jam he asked Eddie for something.
“every time we got into a jam, I turn to Eddie and say, can you come up with something?”
fun, about
John Ashton:
In the super cop scene, Ashton looks pained but is actually trying not to laugh, Carol Burnett Show style. Ronny Cox can be seen fighting it off too.
fun, about
Eddie Murphy:
Axel's checking-in-at-the-Beverly-Palms bit: a Rolling Stone writer doing a Michael Jackson cover story, crying racism without saying it, and getting a room at half price. Watch his wordless take when he hears the price.
“he gets like one of the all-time, like, wordless takes where they give him the price of a single room.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop:
The banana-in-the-tailpipe line became a playground catchphrase, used at Little League, then revived when Tiger Woods arrived in 1997.
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop:
Mumford Phys Ed t-shirts were a mid-80s thing and a high school got flooded with requests; Cop 2's lion jacket was intentionally merchandised.
“The Mumford Phiz ed t-shirts were really a thing in the mid 80s.”
fun, about
Mickey Rourke:
Don Simpson reportedly tore a picture of Mickey Rourke out of a magazine and said 'isn't he great?'; Rourke then signed a $400,000 holding deal and left the project.
“Mr. Simpson tore it out, held it up and said, isn't he great?”
fun, about
Martin Scorsese:
Scorsese was offered the directing job while trying to get The Last Temptation of Christ made, and was reportedly bewildered by the script.
“According to the research, Scorsese was, quote, bewildered by the script.”
fun, about
Michael Eisner:
Eisner says the idea came from a 1975 speeding ticket: stopped in a beater, he decided he needed a Mercedes. Simpson claimed he had the idea in 1977 and the two argued until Simpson died.
“But they've, they argued about it until Don Simpson died about who came up with that idea.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop:
CBS made a pilot for a Beverly Hills Cop TV show from the creator of The Shield, with Brandon T. Jackson as Axel Foley's son. It didn't work.
fun, about
Lisa Eilbacher:
Apex Mountain pick: Lisa Eilbacher 'one hundred thousand percent'; she is also named most aged-well and the winner of the movie.
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop:
The movie never lets Axel have a love scene, and the guys read Axel and Mikey as the love story. 'Is Axel Foley gay?' is described as a long-running Reddit conspiracy theory.
“And the axe is Axel gay is like a long term, that's like a Reddit board conspiracy theory thing that's been going on for years.”
fun, about
Reservoir Dogs:
Ewing Theory Award for best theory: Madonna, Madsen's Ladera Heights joke, the finger-cutting theory, or Buscemi's tipping. Chris picks the tipping.
fun, about
Reservoir Dogs:
The 2006 video game used only one actor's likeness, Madsen, who 'needed the paycheck'; GameSpot called it an out and out failure.
“GameSpot called it, quote, an out and out failure.”
fun, about
Reservoir Dogs:
Budget trivia: actors wore their own clothes, Chris Penn used his own car, and the soundtrack budget went to 'Stuck in the Middle with You.'
“the entire soundtrack budget was spent on securing, stuck in the middle with you.”
fun, about
Tarantino:
Pulp Fiction was to follow the Vega Brothers: Vic Vega is Vincent Vega's brother; a prequel 'Double V Vega' never happened because the actors aged.
“And then Tarantino said he always wanted to do a prequel called Double V Vega.”
fun, about
Reservoir Dogs:
Origin of the title: at Video Archives he recommended Au revoir les enfants and a customer mockingly said he did not want to see no reservoir dogs.
fun, about
Reservoir Dogs:
Best quote: Bill leaves it blank because the whole movie is the best quote; Chris's pick is 'let's get a taco' after the finger speech.
fun, about
Mean Girls:
Most rewatchable scene picks: the talent show (Jingle Bell Rock), the sabotage montage, the four-way phone call, the lunch scene, the burn book blowup, Tim Meadows in the gym; Simmons picks the burn book blowup into the gym.
fun, about
Jonathan Bennett:
Aaron Samuels' IMDb is aged worst; running gag that Juliet will be trained by Aaron Samuels and a Mark Ruffalo road-trip indie.
fun, about
Mean Girls:
The reverse Vivian Award for worst clothes: wide-waistband mini skirts, kitten heels, blue eyeshadow, the party dress; the Henley top and short skirt also hated.
fun, about
Regina George:
Lohan originally wanted to play Regina but the director insisted Katie (Cady) was the heroine; the irony is she really was Regina.
“So I had a war with the director and he said, no, Katie is the heroine and that's who you are.”
fun, about
Lindsay Lohan:
Lohan has repeatedly pitched and treated a Mean Girls sequel; direct-to-TV Mean Girls 2 aired on ABC Family January 23, 2011.
fun, about
Lindsay Lohan:
Apex Mountain: Lohan's 2004 is the highest peak anyone has reached, unanimous; Tina Fey, McAdams, Seyfried, Chabert and Poehler also considered.
“It's the highest peak anyone may have ever reached on their apex mountain.”
fun, about
The Natural:
Bill's 1997 website list of the 30 greatest sports movies graded each film on whether it had a chill scene; The Natural's fireworks home run is the best.
“This movie has, I think, the best chill scene of any sports movie, which is the home run with the fireworks”
fun, about
The Natural:
The film maps onto Greek myth: Max Mercy as Vulcan in red and brown, Pop as Zeus with uniform number one, the Judge as Hades, Memo as Calypso, Gus as the cyclops, Iris as Penelope.
“Max Mercy is the Vulcan god of fire who could make or break you.”
fun, about
The Natural:
Bill's 2001 Page 2 piece estimating Roy Hobbs's stats; hosts redo it by freezing newspaper dates, landing near 70 games and 28 homers.
“This one, I just tried to figure out his stats and people loved it.”