Loves the rewatchable ones that snuck up on him and the last half hour of courtroom movies; is a sucker for stat-style trivia and Oscar conspiracies. Dislikes lazy car endings only mildly; mostly he cannot resist digging up oral-history detail.
Stances
Believes the frozen-envelope Oscar theory over Jack Palance
Pesci was the most improbable A-list star of his lifetime
Humor: Dry, sports-metaphor-heavy riffs and relentless trivia.
In their words
“I believe the David Stern thing, the frozen envelope way more than the Jack Palance.” (0:17:18)
“The most improbable A-list movie star I think we've had in my lifetime.” (0:25:57)
Loves ensemble comedies and a great one-line movie pitch, and believes in the McBride gospel. Can't stand Hitler-adjacent hand-wringing and sequels that disappoint (Fletch 2). A sucker for sports analogies (Dion Waiters, Stephen A.) and Kenny Powers bloopers.
Stances
Danny McBride is the funniest since Ferrell
Rogen and Goldberg did the right thing by not making sequels
Release the Hitler cut
Humor: Drops sports-radio-style asides and rapid callbacks to running Rewatchables gags.
In their words
“I said he was the he's the funniest guy since Ferrell.” (0:26:30)
Loves survival and wilderness movies, bears, and plot-heavy 90s star vehicles, and has read Art Linson's book on the making of the film. Won't rewatch The Revenant and dislikes bad casting. Sucker for nitpicks like the watch engraver and for sports analogies.
Stances
The Edge is the best mainstream bear movie
Bart the Bear won the movie
A real actress should have played Mickey
Baldwin is a prick on set but a good actor
Always in on survival movies
Humor: Rapid sports analogies, deadpan nitpicks, and elaborate hypothetical bits.
In their words
“Bart the Bear won the movie.” (1:34:04)
“Sadly, it's Elle McPherson's acting, for sure.” (1:02:43)
Loves ensemble casts throwing 98 miles an hour, office thrillers, and A-listers used from the bullpen. Dislikes weak links and weak titles. A sucker for a good rewatch category.
Stances
Margin Call is better than The Big Short
Margin Call is a horror movie more than a drama
Irons is the worst human being
Margin Call is a bad title
Humor: Runs bits and games, poking at colleagues and his own diet.
In their words
“I dig that it's more of a horror movie than a drama.” (0:01:48)
“I just like this movie more than the big short.” (1:04:08)
Loves tidy, perfectly executed genre movies and the Rewatchables test of whether you can roll in midway. A Goldman and Stephen King devotee; hot-take prone about Kathy Bates. Can't stand slow first hours and logistical plot holes. A sucker for Knicks tangents.
Stances
Misery is a perfect thing but only a tier 2 or 3 rewatchable
Bates is the best Best Actress performance of the last 30 years
Loves hangout comedy where friends rip each other, improvised bits, and a well-timed needle drop. Sucker for sports analogies and for the stars-who-have-it argument. Wary of bloated runtimes and subplots that go nowhere.
Stances
The com-rom era (2004-2011) is a real genre shift from the 89-05 rom-com boom
Knocked Up is too long and should be about 1:40
The fantasy-baseball cheating subplot and the labor sequence are the weak links
Heigl and Lohan are the decade's two lost superstars
Humor: Dry, list-and-stat-driven riffs and sports comparisons, plus teasing his producer.
In their words
“I just think her and Lohan are the 2 lost superstars from this decade.” (0:25:19)
“That's got to be the best comedy producing run anyone's had.” (0:10:54)
“It is 7.5 minutes that you could cut so easily.” (0:54:05)
Loves 80s excess, star-power movies, Eddie Murphy, Simpson-Bruckheimer productions, and magazine research on set chaos. Cannot stand Axel being asexual again and plot holes like Jan. A sucker for action-comedy, theme songs, and sports analogies.
Stances
Cop II is more rewatchable than Cop I, though not better
Eddie Murphy is on his all-time favorites short list
The movie should have been 10-15 minutes longer
Villains are overstuffed (five villains)
Humor: Delivers deadpan 80s-coke-era jokes and sports analogies, and riffs on producer Don Simpson excess.
In their words
“So, yeah, the 80s are the fucking best.” (0:17:59)
“I don't think it's a better movie, but I actually think it's a more rewatchable movie because it's sleeker.” (0:21:30)
Loves early-90s LA-mystique movies, cameo spotting, and rewatching favorite sequences. Admits Altman's Popeye turned him off as a kid and he loves Striking Distance and Sarah Jessica Parker. Can't connect with Greta Scacchi's character and says Scacchi is not that good here.
Stances
The Player is where meta-Hollywood storytelling starts
Greta Scacchi's character is underwritten and he doesn't get her
Randall Batinkoff deserved a career
Hollywood execs are always the bad guys in these stories
Humor: Runs bits (Striking Distance week, rookie cards, Total Dunk) and plays the straight man to the others' riffs.
In their words
“I remember seeing presumed innocent in the theater with my buddy Bysch.” (1:05:50)
Loves movies of his own youth, the 1990s theatrical-era blockbusters and John McClane's mix of comedy and action. Cannot stand the Die Hard-as-Christmas-movie take and finds the plane crash a conflicted, joyless moment. A sucker for NBA metaphors, Regarding Henry as a cult comedy, and bad-movie tangents.
Stances
Die Hard and Die Hard 2 are not Christmas movies
the plane crash is memorable, not rewatchable
Regarding Henry is now a hilarious comedy
the plot and getaway plan do not make sense
Humor: Rapid-fire running bits, sports analogies, self-deprecating dad jokes and stubborn contrarian takes.
In their words
“In my heart of hearts, it's not a Christmas movie.” (1:16:22)
“I wouldn't call it rewatchable, more like memorable” (0:30:15)
Loves rewatchable ensemble thrillers, box-office and calendar context, and sports analogies; delights in bad-guy-as-star casting what-ifs. Can't stand Contact. A sucker for production trivia and record-setting script sales.
Stances
Contact is an awful movie
Fincher's movies are rewatchable and date-movie friendly
Panic Room is a well-made B movie elevated by its director
Loves adult 90s movies, period detail on set walls (Planet of the Apes, Doors, Nixon posters), Sigourney Weaver and Joan Allen, and any chance to rank things. Can't stand water beds, Elijah Wood's one move, or an unearned plot beat. A sucker for nostalgia, sports analogies, and the key party as a gimmick.
Stances
Ice Storm has almost no standalone rewatchable scenes beyond the key party
Joan Allen deserved an Oscar nomination
The film needs the mid-90s to make sense
Humor: Turns everything into sports analogies and running bits like premature-ejaculation jokes.
In their words
“There's really almost no rewatchable scenes other than, um, other than the key party.” (0:03:10)
“What was fun about a water bed?” (0:55:34)
“I love bong scenes in movies, just I'm always in bong scenes.” (0:51:14)
Loves sports movies, speeches, and tight dramatizations of events he lived through; remembers 1980 in detail. Cannot stand wet-blanket wives and sports movies that run long. A sucker for Remember the Titans and memorabilia.
Stances
Third period of the USSR game is most rewatchable
The wife character is one of the worst of its kind
Disney sports movies run 20 minutes too long
Pacino in Any Given Sunday is the top sports speech
Humor: Anecdotal, self-deprecating tangents tied to his own life.
In their words
“I said this was the greatest moment of my entire childhood.” (0:01:33)
Loves Steve Martin's whole career and sentimental family movies; a sucker for dad-daughter material now that he has a 16-year-old. Cannot stand Martin Short's one-note gag, mis-cast Diane Keaton in The Godfather, and sloppy wedding logistics. Loves celebrity trivia, rating scales, and 90s nostalgia.
Stances
Father of the Bride is the default my-daughter-is-getting-married movie
Steve Martin's second-career peak starts here but his true apex was 1978-79
Annie is a bad daughter
Martin Short is overacted and one note
Teen Wolf has the worst basketball scene ever
Humor: Deadpan self-deprecating dad humor plus sports analogies (Apex to Nader, Patriots losing).
In their words
“This is the only my daughter is getting married movie that I think is the default for everybody.” (0:01:54)
“The worst, the worst basketball scene ever in a movie is in Teen Wolf.” (0:42:02)
Loves films that capture a time and place and treats the Bee Gees soundtrack as untouchable. Cares about the production mechanics and the behind-the-scenes deals (Stigwood, Paramount, the Steadicam). Can't stand weak casting and unfinished payoffs such as the dance contest and the hollow Rocky-style moment. A sucker for dance-floor takeover scenes.
Stances
Travolta wins the movie; Grease was his apex
The dance contest should have been better
Karen Lynn Gorney was miscast
The movie may be more self-aware than it looks
Staying Alive is bad but he is glad it exists
Humor: Dry deadpan on production oddities and blunt about miscasting; reads trivia like a prosecutor.
In their words
“Fuck up the legacy of Saturday.” (0:43:22)
“I'm so confused why she got cast for this movie that I actually spent like a half hour Googling it” (0:55:09)
“I think the 1st 5 minutes of it are among the 5 funniest moments minutes of the entire 80s.” (1:17:53)
Loves Newman, a rewatchable sports-movie structure, montages, and 80s style, and was a serious pool player. Wants a sports movie to show who won, and gripes about the forfeit logic. A sucker for Cruise committing to a bit.
Stances
Newman might be his favorite actor of all time
The ending's forfeit never added up
Wanted to see who won the final match
Pool deserves a TV comeback
Humor: Self-deprecating pool-hustler boasts and long running riffs like a White Lotus sequel.
In their words
“I actually think he might be my favorite actor of all time” (0:42:49)
“I hate the forfeit in the tournament.” (1:08:52)
“Did you model your game after anyone you saw in this movie?” (1:00:11)
Loves mainstream, star-driven 80s and early-90s comedies and sports-flavored framing; admires Bill Murray. Skeptical about the film's morals, raising whether Bob is a sociopath, and nitpicks plot logic. Sucker for box-office year lists and trivia.
Stances
Considers What About Bob? almost perfect yet asks 'what was the point'
Believes Murray had three career phases
Full team Bill Murray over Dreyfuss
No recasting needed because everyone is perfect
Humor: Dry, list-heavy riffs, teasing his co-hosts about their weekend habits and the crew, and sports metaphors.
In their words
“This movie kills me. I think it's almost perfect.” (0:01:41)
Loves ensemble crime movies and gets sentimental about the 1981 era; relishes procedural detail and tough-guy actors. Can't stand muddled endings but is easy on style. Sucker for Chicago movies and Running Scared.
Stances
Thief and Heat are a Mann family
Ferris Bueller best Chicago movie
Humor: Rapid-fire riffing and ad reads.
In their words
“I'm literally the number one fan of running scared.” (1:09:04)
Loves a patient procedural that sucks you in on cable, and ranks Freeman's contributions highly. Likes trivia like diner locations and casting what-ifs, and sports analogies for everything. Sucker for the last forty minutes of a great movie.
Stances
Wants to come in halfway through; the last hour is the rewatch.
Brad Pitt is good here but not top-tier; Freeman's apex is after Se7en.
Sly in Se7en would derail it.
Humor: Escalates a nitpick into a long mock-forensic bit, with sports metaphors.
In their words
“Seven lives are saved.” (0:59:59)
“How do you mail someone a severed head, Chris?” (1:14:04)
Loves 80s cable comedies that wear you down on rewatch, Lakers lore, and character-actor trivia. Defends The Saint and Val Kilmer against everyone. Can't stand misses of what a movie is trying to be; a sucker for sports detail and Mystery Science Theater.
Stances
Fletch is a stone cold classic and one of the most quotable movies of the 80s
Chevy Chase's career is a fascinating drug-era casualty arc
The Saint is underrated
Humor: Deadpan trash talk of his co-hosts and a running self-owning bit about his own obsessions.
In their words
“This is a stone cold fucking classic, and we need to put respect on Fletch's name.” (0:02:50)
Loves cars, sports analogies, and the first half of Ferris; fixated on timelines, nitpicks, and category structure. Can not stand Cameron's decision to destroy the Ferrari. A sucker for big iconic cars and 80s teenage girl nostalgia.
Stances
The first half of the movie is better than the second
Cameron should not have destroyed the car
Hughes won the movie
Parade traffic would make the timeline impossible
Humor: Mock-serious obsession with logistics and trivia, running gags like Mount Rushmores and Hall of Fame inductions.
In their words
“It's like, honestly, watching a perfect game all the way, even at the Wrigley Field, the baseball game.” (0:18:08)
“It a replica, as it turns out.” (0:40:45)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
Their claims
Showing 601–700 of 1,295 claims.
craft (craft):
Wedding Crashers → Knocked Up.
Bill says Wedding Crashers and Mean Girls became genuinely funny, which is what Apatow figured out.
“I think the thing Appatau figured out on wedding crashers and Mean Girls and some of these other things was, they became genuinely funny.”
contrast (contrast):
When Harry Met Sally → My Best Friend's Wedding.
Bill says Harry Met Sally is genuinely funny, unlike Pretty Woman or the Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks movies; My Best Friend's Wedding is funny but not hilarious.
“My best friend's wedding is funny, but it's not like, it's not like hilarious.”
craft (craft):
Judd Apatow → The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
Bill says Apatow put idiot 22-year-old men into a rom-com, a trick he also used in 40-Year-Old Virgin.
“Judd figured out how to like put them in a rom-com and make it work.”
contrast (contrast):
Knocked Up → The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
Bill says the first half is idiots hanging out and the second half is more rom-com, less funny and more heartwarming; he notes 40-Year-Old Virgin was already covered.
“He did it in 40-year-old version too, which we've already done”
industry (industry):
Judd Apatow → Adam McKay.
Bill says McKay and Ferrell were doing the same improvise-and-keep-rolling thing at the same time as Apatow.
“Adam McKay and Will Ferrell and those guys are kind of doing the same thing at the same time.”
career (career):
Katherine Heigl → Grey's Anatomy (TV).
Bill says Heigl got more attention from Grey's Anatomy and was good in Knocked Up, laying seeds of a major star.
career (career):
Katherine Heigl → Julia Roberts.
Bill lines up Heigl with Reese Witherspoon, young Sandra Bullock and Julia Roberts as someone you can tell 'has it'.
career (career):
Martin Starr → Silicon Valley (TV).
Bill says Martin Starr is the same guy in everything, like in Silicon Valley, but figured out his lane.
programming (programming):
Knocked Up → Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy.
The pee-break category is named after the Anchorman flute scene; Bill uses it to mark Knocked Up's 7.5-minute labor stretch.
“The anchorman flute. P-break Award for best time to go go pee”
what-if (what-if):
Anne Hathaway → Knocked Up.
Bill raises Anne Hathaway as originally cast as Alison and dropping out over how the birth footage would be used.
what-if (what-if):
Kate Bosworth → Knocked Up.
Bill reports alleged auditions by Jennifer Love Hewitt (transcribed 'La Feud'), Kate Bosworth and Christina Aguilera.
“Allegedly, Jennifer La Feud and Kate Bosworth auditioned.”
what-if (what-if):
Mila Kunis → Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Bill says Mila Kunis auditioned for Alison, didn't get it, but Apatow remembered her for Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
“We know Mila Kunis auditioned and didn't get it, but Jed Appatau remembered her and put her around forgetting Sarah Marshall.”
industry (industry):
Michael Cera → Knocked Up.
Bill describes a DVD special feature where Michael Cera is 'fired' and Bennett Miller co-directs, a wrestling-style work.
“Do you know about this special feature on the DVD where Michael Sarah gets fired from the film”
programming (programming):
Knocked Up → The League (TV).
Bill says Knocked Up may be the most high-profile fantasy moment in a movie, since The League is a TV show.
“It might be the most high profile fantasy moment.”
theme (theme):
Knocked Up → Big Daddy.
Bill compares Ben's money-from-nowhere set-up to Sonny in Big Daddy: it doesn't have to work because he has all the money.
“Sonny get run over by, uh, like a cab in Big Daddy.”
contrast (contrast):
Knocked Up → Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Imagining Alison's life after the movie, Bill says she might meet a better guy than Rogen and it becomes a Forgetting Sarah Marshall situation.
“and it becomes a forgetting Sarah Marshall situation where.”
unmapped (fish out of water vs showcase):
Beverly Hills Cop → Beverly Hills Cop II.
The first film has a coherent story and fish-out-of-water appeal; the sequel is a showcase of Eddie doing bits.
“The 1st movie has like a much more coherent story.”
lineage (sequel scarcity):
Beverly Hills Cop II → Police Academy 4.
Cop II was the only sequel in the 1987 domestic top 20-25; the next was Police Academy 4 at 44th.
“This is the only sequel in the top 20, top 25, where it's not until Police Academy 4, which was the 44th biggest movie that year.”
career (career decline):
Eddie Murphy → The Distinguished Gentleman.
The set indulgence of 1987 Eddie leads eventually to the wheels coming off by The Distinguished Gentleman.
“at some point that leads to, you know, you're doing the distinguished gentlemen and the wheels have just gone, the wheels have come up.”
unmapped (Eddie Murphy run):
Beverly Hills Cop II → 48 Hrs..
The Rewatchables has covered 48 Hrs., Cop I, Cop II, Coming to America; only Trading Places is left; Simmons prefers 48 Hrs. personally.
unmapped (rewatchability):
Beverly Hills Cop II → Beverly Hills Cop.
Not better, but more rewatchable than the first because sleeker with no dead spots or open questions.
“I don't think it's a better movie, but I actually think it's a more rewatchable movie because it's sleeker.”
unmapped (critic grudge):
Roger Ebert → Spies Like Us.
Ebert had trashed Spies Like Us on the Tonight Show with Chevy Chase sitting next to him, showing his salt toward these comedies.
“he was on the Tonight Show with Chevy Chase and he reamed the Spies like Us movie right in front of him.”
verdict (all-time favorites):
Eddie Murphy → David Letterman.
Simmons ranks Murphy on his short list alongside Letterman and Larry Bird.
“I don't know whether he's where he ranks against Letterman and Larry Bird and, you know, the Alzheimer's for me, but he's right. He's on the short list.”
unmapped (TV appearance):
Eddie Murphy → Joe Piscopo.
Murphy appeared on a Piscopo comedy special doing a Miami Vice parody during his scarce public years.
“He was Joe Piscopo, had a comedy special that was great. where Eddie went on that and they did a Miami Vice parody.”
unmapped (modern equivalent):
Eddie Murphy → Dave Chappelle.
A modern equivalent would require combining a piece of Chappelle with five other peak performers.
“It's like a piece of Chappelle, and then you'd have to take 5 other people who are at the peak of their powers and combine them.”
unmapped (top-20 neighbors):
Beverly Hills Cop II → Dirty Dancing.
The 1987 top 20 includes Fatal Attraction, Lethal Weapon, RoboCop, Predator and others, putting Cop II as the third biggest.
“Three Men and a Baby, Fatal Attraction, Beverly Hills Cop 2.”
unmapped (Black stardom in 1987):
Eddie Murphy → Bill Cosby.
Murphy was the only Black star in the 1987 top 20 and, with Cosby, carried outsized importance.
unmapped (racetrack crosscutting):
Tony Scott → Beverly Hills Cop II.
Scott's signature crosscutting with running horses defines the racetrack robbery.
“Nobody loved crosscutting with running horses more than Tony Scott.”
unmapped (romance):
Brigitte Nielsen → Tony Scott.
Nielsen cheated on Stallone with Tony Scott during this filming, per what Simmons read, and also had a romance with Schwarzenegger.
“Mary Stallone, cheated on Stallone with Tony Scott, which broke up his marriage during this filming”
what-if (career what-if):
Brigitte Nielsen → Steven Seagal.
Nielsen should have landed in a Seagal movie like Above the Law or Marked for Death, or been the bad guy in Under Siege 3.
“I think she could have been an above the law or marked for death, any of those.”
craft (score echo):
Harold Faltermeyer → Escape from New York.
The Faltermeyer opening has hints of 48 Hrs., Escape from New York, Miami Vice, and Fletch.
people (producer power):
Don Simpson → The Presidio.
Simpson was powerful enough to have Paramount pull writer Larry Ferguson off The Presidio mid-script.
“Simpson is so powerful at this point that he had Paramount remove a writer named Larry Ferguson from the Presidio to come help with this film.”
unmapped (easter egg):
Beverly Hills Cop II → Cobra.
Rosewood has a Cobra poster in his apartment, which is funny given Scott and Nielsen's off-screen story.
“He's got the Cobra poster in his room, and meanwhile, Tony Scott is...”
career (career arc):
Judge Reinhold → Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Reinhold's rise runs from Fast Times (1982) through Ruthless People; Vice Versa was his solo breakout attempt that failed.
“Vice versa was his big chance to break out on his own. Didn't work, and then the wheels kind of came off after that.”
people (sequel adds cast):
Beverly Hills Cop II → Lethal Weapon.
By the mid-90s sequels learned to add stars (Pesci in Lethal Weapon, Jackson in Die Hard 3); Cop sequels just ran it back.
“You have to have Joe Pesci join Lethal Weapon, and you have to try to bring in Chris Rock. You get Sam Jackson in Die Hard 3.”
lineage (lineage):
The Player → The Larry Sanders Show.
Bill asks whether The Player is ground zero for the meta-Hollywood strain that runs through Larry Sanders and Curb.
“Larry Sanders and Curb your enthusiasm and all these different things we've had over the 30 years.”
lineage (lineage):
Robert Altman → Paul Thomas Anderson.
Bill says Altman's legacy is the filmmakers he influenced, and Boogie Nights is PTA trying to do The Player and Altman.
“He's just basically trying to do the player, right?”
lineage (lineage):
Robert Altman → Adam McKay.
Altman was one of the first directors to encourage ad-libbing, a trend followed by McKay, Apatow and PTA.
“there is this whole generation directors that follows Adam McKay, Apatow, Paul Thomas Anderson”
verdict (verdict):
The Player → The Bonfire of the Vanities.
The quoted review calls The Player the movie Bonfire of the Vanities wanted to be, and the hosts agree; Wesley followed the Bonfire saga before seeing it.
career (career):
Brion James → Striking Distance.
Bill remembers him from cable as Bruce Willis's nemesis in Striking Distance, which spins into a Rowdy Herrington week idea.
“In my house growing up, he was Bruce Willis's like arch nemesis in striking distance.”
programming (programming):
Striking Distance → Road House.
Bill pitches a Rowdy Herrington week for the show covering Road House and Striking Distance.
theme (theme):
The Player → Pretty Woman.
The recurring pitch-as-mashup joke (Out of Africa meets Pretty Woman) and the running Julia Roberts and Bruce Willis casting gag.
“How Julia Roberts and Bruce Willis get suggested for every movie is just a funny running bit.”
career (career):
Tim Robbins → The Shawshank Redemption.
The Player is a step in Robbins's run from Bull Durham to Shawshank, and two years from Dead Man Walking.
“I think Robin needed this for his Bull Durham, to the player, to Shawshank”
career (career):
Tim Robbins → Dead Man Walking.
Robbins directed Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking; the hosts trace the Scacchi/D'Onofrio/Leila George/Sean Penn six degrees.
“Tim Robbins directed Sean Penn in the movie Dead Man Walking.”
what-if (what-if):
Robert De Niro → The Player.
Bill proposes De Niro in the Fred Ward part, overqualified, as the right-era move after Goodfellas and Cape Fear.
“Could he have just played the Fred Ward part for like 4 scenes.”
what-if (what-if):
Jennifer Jason Lee → The Player.
Bill says the Bonnie part, instead of Cynthia Stevenson, has Jennifer Jason Lee written all over it; the others disagree.
“it just has Jennifer Jason Lee crying all over it.”
people (people):
The Player → Presumed Innocent.
Bill's memory of falling for Greta Scacchi in Presumed Innocent frames why he finds her Player character underwritten; Scacchi refused nudity after Presumed Innocent.
“Skocky's like, I fucking went to town on Harrison Ford and presumed innocent.”
fun, about
Craig Kilborn:
Kilborn appears in both aged-the-best and aged-the-worst: a thrill to see him, but visibly terrified, reading lines like Daily Show jokes; he gets the Al Martino (worst actor) award.
“He's in 2 scenes, and then he crashes in the closing credits.”
fun, about
Old School:
Whole-soundtrack rundown: Papered Up, Dust in the Wind, Hungry Like the Wolf, Sound of Silence, Total Eclipse of the Heart, Metallica; Whitesnake's 'Here I Go Again' is played four times.
fun, about
Old School 2 (unmade sequel script):
A 2006 sequel script, 'Old School Dose', about an aging frat on spring break, was written by Scott Armstrong and refused by Ferrell and Vaughn as too repetitive; Luke Wilson said in 2016 he would do it.
“Luke Wilson was game saying, I, of course, would do it at the drop of a hat.”
fun, about
Will Ferrell:
Ferrell really ran naked in the streaking sequence, horrifying locals at a 24-hour gym; the second part filmed during the Snoop performance and he needed a drink first.
“In the streaking sequence, Will Ferrell ran naked for real.”
fun, about
Patrick Cranshaw:
Blue was played by Patrick Cranshaw, a 50-year working actor who was the sheriff in all the Air Bud movies and died about four years after the film.
“although I will say he played the sheriff in all the Airbud movies.”
fun, about
Old School:
Half-ass internet research: the frat house is a real Pasadena house on Bushnell Avenue, also used in Back to the Future, Back to the Future Part II, and Teen Wolf. Bill stumps the others with a quiz.
fun, about
Luke Wilson:
Chris Ryan's hot take that Luke Wilson was in the Harrison Ford zone and could have been an action star becomes a running bit; the others call it among the worst takes ever and joke about a Luke Wilson Fugitive.
fun, about
Patrick Fischler:
Joey Pants Award: the Mad Men guy, Piven's henchman, is Patrick Fischler; they mention Patrick Adams, star of Suits, playing guitar during Dust in the Wind as an alternate.
“That's how you win the Joey Pants Award, and I have no idea what your name is.”
fun, about
Old School:
Bill's wedding-toast tangent: he wants a TV show or YouTube channel of brutal best-man speeches and tells of watching a wedding from a Torrey Pines hotel balcony with a bottle of wine.
fun, about
Old School:
Unanswerable question: who is the 2019 Craig Kilborn? Suggestions include Logan Paul, Joe Buck, Gus Johnson, Jim Nantz, Jeff Van Gundy, Trevor Noah, and Jalen Rose.
fun, about
Tombstone:
Most rewatchable scene candidates: the 'Hell's coming with me' scene and killing montage, the creek shootout, and Kilmer vs Biehn.
“That scene, followed by a montage of just them killing people.”
fun, about
George P. Cosmatos:
Running joke after the ghost-director story: someone claims credit for the role swap between Biehn and Rooker now that Cosmatos is dead.
“But I was the one who told him to switch roles with Michael Riffle, Michael Bean.”
fun, about
Taken:
Simmons's dad, a school superintendent near Boston, called action movies a 5 o'clocker: the 5 o'clock showing he caught on the way home to turn his brain off. Taken is called the quintessential 5 o'clocker.
“I would say taken is the quintessential 5 o'clocker.”
fun, about
Taken:
Simmons remembers the trailer, which was nearly the whole phone speech, airing between the second and third quarter of a Texans-Pats game. He asked: what is this, where can I see this.
“you're like what? What is this? Where can I see this?”
fun, about
Liam Neeson:
Pre-Taken Neeson was Schindler, Kinsey, Michael Collins, Woody Allen and Scorsese movies, so no one expected karate in Paris. His 6'4" frame matters more than you notice because films usually make everyone look the same size.
“This was not somebody we expected to see like doing karate in Paris.”
fun, about
Taken:
The perfect 5 o'clocker can be described in five words or less: Liam Neeson, daughter gets taken. Neeson's later films do the same: wilderness wolves, airplane, train conspiracy.
“I love action movies where you can describe the plot in 5 words or less.”
fun, about
Taken:
The movie's biggest lesson, per the hosts: don't let your daughter go to Europe unless you're there, and don't sit behind a desk or you'll forget the weight of a gun.
“And the biggest lesson of this movie is you get soft behind a desk.”
fun, about
Taken:
Aged worst: every non-American foreigner is a kidnapper, and two teenage girls lying to their parents to follow U2 around Europe in 2008, when the band was in their late 50s. Simmons's wife's counter: every young white woman loves U2.
fun, about
Taken:
Nitpick: every other kidnapped woman is a heroin zombie, but Kim is out of it only a little, then bounces back in two weeks, cheery, with no emotional distress, ready for a pop-star singing lesson.
fun, about
Liam Neeson:
Neeson expected Taken to go straight to video and spent four months in Paris learning karate. Neeson also says American parents thanked him and he tells them the danger was exaggerated and to travel more.
“Liam Neeson expected this movie to go straight to video.”
fun, about
Famke Janssen:
Trivia from internet research: Janssen, who played the incompetent ex-wife, now serves as a Goodwill Ambassador for the UN office on drugs and crime, inspired by Taken.
“She now serves as the Goodwill Ambassador for the United Nations office on drugs and crime.”
fun, about
Bill Simmons:
Simmons's worst parenting moment: while watching Kevin Durant at Texas, his toddler Zoe walked out the open front door at night, and a stranger in a stopped car brought her back.
“I'm like, I can't, but Kevin Durant has given it to AC.”
fun, about
Maggie Grace:
Reportedly trained by running coach Alberto Salazar to run like a younger girl. Both hosts note she runs like a toddler and acts nine at seventeen, though she was older than the role.
“she very clearly runs like a toddler in the movie.”
fun, about
Taken:
Body count debate: Brian kills 31 people, or 35. Apex Mountain goes to Neeson for becoming an action star in his mid-50s, and to Maggie Grace, for whom it never got better than this.
“You became an action movie and your action movie star in your mid-50s.”
fun, about
Taken:
Wrong-day question: the pop-star assassin picked the one night Brian guarded her, but the sheik, who just bought the wrong daughter, had the worst luck of all.
fun, about
Taken:
Nitpicks: Jean-Claude carries an unwrapped baguette; the kidnappers left the destroyed phone behind but locked the door; Neeson recognizes Marco's voice from two words, good luck.
“Can you really recognize a specific Albanian's voice just by having them repeat the words good luck?”
fun, about
Taken:
Best quotes besides the speech: it's a flesh wound; now's not the time for dick measuring, Stuart; and the line about forgetting the weight in the hand of a gun. The stepdad Stuart did nothing but supply the jet.
“Now's not the time for dick measuring, Stuart. Classic.”
fun, about
Taken:
The elaborate auction with red buttons probably does not exist as portrayed; Simmons jokes about a sex-slave auction draft guide. Movie auctions are always downstairs, as in Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom's dinosaur auction.
fun, about
Taken:
Who won the movie: Neeson, and the 5 o'clocker itself, which streaming services will now make and own, producing many more Taken-style movies, like Braven.
“That's that's way more of an insightful thing than I was expecting to happen on this taken podcast.”
fun, about
The Departed:
Casting what-ifs: Pitt (producer) was Damon's part, Liotta then Leary for Dignam, Pacino for Costello, De Niro for Sheen's part, Gibson for Baldwin's.
“Brad Pitt was supposed to be Damon's part dropped out, ended up producing the movie.”
fun, about
The Departed:
Worst-aged plot point winner: Damon texting a long message from inside his pocket on a flip phone, the triple crown of texting.
fun, about
Mark Boone Junior:
That Guy Award: Boggs from Shawshank, who led the sisters, plays Delahunt here; Simmons backs Kevin Corrigan as Costigan's cousin.
“Boggs from Shawshank has a key role in this movie.”
fun, about
Jack Nicholson:
Half-assed research: Nicholson reportedly refused to wear a Red Sox hat and banned Celtics gear on the set, and he and Ray Winstone did not get along.
“Nicholson refused to wear a Red Sox hat during the filming and banned all Celtic Cats on the set.”
fun, about
Martin Sheen:
Idea: keep Sheen's hangdog acting but cut to reaction shots when he talks and dub in the accent coach, as supposedly done on Ozark.
“I almost think they should have done this from Martin Sheen.”
fun, about
The Departed:
The film's biggest ridiculous plot points: Leo's roof plan, the invented Boston State House apartment view, the rat on the balcony.
“Why didn't anyone talk Scorsese out of the rat on the balcony at the tail end?”
fun, about
The Departed:
Best lines: cranberry juice, 'Maybe, maybe not', 'We all are. Let's act accordingly', and 'The world needs plenty of bartenders. 2 weeks with pay.'
“And then uh, the world needs plenty of bartenders.”
fun, about
Mark Wahlberg:
Rule of A-Listers: when someone gets punched, it evens out later. Damon punched Wahlberg, who got payback by shooting him at the end.
“the rule of A-Listers is that if somebody gets punched, you get to punt, there's it always ends even.”
fun, about
Saving Private Ryan:
Bill saw it in a full theater in Boston; people were shaking when the barrage calmed down, like witnessing a car crash.