Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
Their claims
Showing 1,101–1,200 of 1,295 claims.
what-if (what-if):
Robert Forster → Reservoir Dogs.
Forster auditioned for Joe Cabot, then played Jackie Brown; Bill thinks he would have beaten Tierney.
“I never thought Robert Foster was that great, but he would have been better than Lawrence Kierney.”
what-if (what-if):
Reservoir Dogs → Hans Zimmer.
Imagining Tony Scott's version, a host wonders if it would have had a Hans Zimmer score in place of the 70s songs.
“Would it have been like a Hans Zimmer score instead of the 70s songs?”
craft (craft):
Reservoir Dogs → Stealers Wheel.
A host reports Tarantino said the whole soundtrack budget went to securing 'Stuck in the Middle with You'.
“Tarantino said in 14 that the entire soundtrack budget was spent on securing, stuck in the middle with you.”
lineage (lineage):
Reservoir Dogs → Pulp Fiction.
Vic Vega and Vincent Vega are brothers; Tarantino wanted a prequel before Madsen and Travolta aged out.
“Vic Vega and Vincent Vega from Pulp Fictions were brothers.”
programming (programming):
Reservoir Dogs → Inglourious Basterds.
The Inglourious Basterds spelling is a Tarantino flourish; Reservoir Dogs' title is also odd.
lineage (lineage):
Mean Girls → Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Simmons proposes a championship-belt lineage of smart teen movies starting with Fast Times and running through Mean Girls.
“I feel like Fast Times at Ridgemont High was the 1st one.”
theme (genre commentary):
Mean Girls → Cruel Intentions.
Cruel Intentions is argued to be a smart teen movie because it comments on the genre; Simmons says it is an adult movie using teens, coming on Rewatchables 99.
“That's actually an adult movie that's using teens, which is what makes it so weird and uncomfortable.”
unmapped (overqualified lead):
Mean Girls → Easy A.
Emma Stone in Easy A is the other candidate for an actress overqualified for a teen movie, alongside Lohan.
“Emma Stone would be the other candidate for just, Completely overqualified to be in one of these movies.”
people (performance):
Lindsay Lohan → The Parent Trap.
Lohan is jarringly awesome playing two characters in The Parent Trap, which Simmons' daughter watched for a year.
career (career projection):
Lindsay Lohan → Jodie Foster.
After Freaky Friday, Ebert's comparison made it seem Lohan would be the next Jodie Foster, doing teen movies then winning Oscars.
“So at this point, we're like, this is the next Jody Foster.”
career (career run):
Mean Girls → Freaky Friday.
Freaky Friday made $92 million; Lohan's run went Freaky Friday, Confessions, Mean Girls, then the wheels came off.
“Uh, did confessions of a teenage drama queen, then it goes well on that mean girls.”
what-if (what-if career):
Lindsay Lohan → River Phoenix.
Another talented actor whose career is a what-if; Simmons compares to athletes lost to injury or drugs.
“River Phoenix, who I think is another one where it's, there's a lot of what ifs that go with him”
people (same producer):
Mean Girls → Wayne's World.
Wayne's World, Mean Girls and Tommy Boy are the nominees for best Lorne Michaels movie; Mean Girls wins as he lets talent paint the canvas.
unmapped (rare teen star):
Lindsay Lohan → Alicia Silverstone.
No teen star like Lohan or Silverstone has appeared since; both show how hard young-woman fame is.
theme (trope):
Secret Admirer → Mean Girls.
The trope that the guy does not notice his hot friend until late recurs in Secret Admirer and Dawson's Creek.
“Secret admirer has Lori Laughlin, C. Thomas Howes, in love with Kelly Preston”
career (career run):
Rachel McAdams → The Notebook.
2004 brought Mean Girls then The Notebook then Wedding Crashers, the 'trilogy' that gave McAdams career power.
craft (soundtrack/dating):
Lindsay Lohan → Samantha Ronson.
The soundtrack song 'Built This Way' is by Samantha Ronson, whom Lohan later dated, which throws a viewer off.
“Katie starts dating the person who did the song a year later.”
industry (awards crossover):
Mean Girls → Pretty Woman.
The Vivian Award for best clothes started at the Pretty Woman rewatchables; here it is reversed for worst clothes.
“We had the Vivian Award for best clothes in a movie that we started during the Pretty Women rewatchables”
what-if (casting what-if):
Lindsay Lohan → Pretty Woman.
Asked whether Lohan could have starred in Pretty Woman at 23; they say no, her power was suburban edge, not hard exterior and soft center.
“Could she have done Pretty Woman if Pretty Woman was 20 years later?”
what-if (role swap what-if):
Lindsay Lohan → Rachel McAdams.
They were originally cast in opposite roles; McAdams would have been too old to be believable as homeschooled Cady.
people (casting context):
Mean Girls → Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen.
Lohan said she had just played Confessions and Freaky Friday, not the cool girl, which is why she wanted Regina.
“I just played in Confessions of a teenager drama queen in Freaky Friday, not the cool girl in school.”
verdict (Apex Mountain comparison):
Mean Girls → Wedding Crashers.
Debating McAdams' Apex Mountain, they weigh Wedding Crashers as the third of her trilogy with career power.
“So at the end, by the end of the trilogy of this notebook wedding crashers, she has so much career power at that point”
industry (MTV Movie Awards moment):
Rachel McAdams → Ryan Gosling.
The Notebook pair's MTV Movie Awards stage appearance was a landmark for college women.
theme (generational comparison):
Lindsay Lohan → Elizabeth Taylor.
People thought Lohan was this generation's Elizabeth Taylor, then the bad parts happened without the good.
craft (craft):
Tim Robbins → Bull Durham.
Tim Robbins's throwing motion is called insurmountable for a phenom pitcher; Mallory counters that it is part of the lore.
“You can't have the greatest baseball movie of all time when you have this phenom pitcher, and he throws like he has a broken arm.”
what-if (what-if):
The Natural → Field of Dreams.
A 2015 remake would stay faithful to the dark book, since we now expect the worst of baseball heroes.
“if we made this movie in like 2015, I actually think they would have stayed faithful to the book”
lineage (lineage):
The Natural → Shoeless Joe Jackson.
The book's ending, with a boy saying it ain't true, Roy, is a clear Shoeless Joe Jackson rip-off.
“which is a clear shoeless Joe Jackson, rip off thing.”
lineage (lineage):
The Natural → The Odyssey (Homer).
The movie maps onto Homer: Roy is Odysseus, Harriet and Memo play siren/Calypso figures, Iris is Penelope.
industry (industry):
The Bad News Bears → Bad News Bears (remake).
The 70s original was politically incorrect like the era; the remake had to be made politically correct, which defeated the purpose.
“When they rebate it, it was a disaster because they had to make a political correct version of it”
lineage (lineage):
The Natural → Major League.
The 80s baseball movies (The Natural, Field of Dreams, Major League) follow the old-school rags-to-riches arc, Rocky as a baseball team.
“the natural field of dreams, major league with the old school kind of start to finish, rags to riches, rocky as a baseball team”
industry (industry):
For Love of the Game → Moneyball.
Baseball movies progressed from straight sports to merging genres (For Love of the Game) to a movement story that happens to be about baseball (Moneyball).
“now it's like this is about a movement that happened in a sport and it just happens to be about baseball”
contrast (contrast):
The Natural → The Sandlot.
For Bill's young son, the Natural is way too slow, while Sandlot, Major League and Bad News Bears work.
“The lightning, the lightning scene is more realistic and has better, more state of the art special effects than a scene where everyone's flying around in 2001.”
verdict (verdict):
The Natural → Rocky.
The Natural's walk-off homer is the greatest chill scene of any sports movie, except maybe Rocky going down and getting up in the 14th round.
“Except for maybe Rocky getting knocked down in the 14th round of Rocky one”
what-if (what-if):
The Natural → Zach Cram.
Roy's modern value would be a three-true-outcomes player, like Zach Cram, with only homers, strikeouts and walks.
craft (craft):
The Natural → Field of Dreams.
Roy Hobbs's son and the Field of Dreams catcher are the worst throwing motions; the speaker names Tim Robbins's Bull Durham motion as worse-but-excused.
“I just can't excuse the Field of Dreams catcher.”
career (career):
Robert Redford → All the President's Men.
Redford's apex mountain was All the President's Men, when he had the juice to make and produce it.
“We did the other President's Men rewatchables and decided that actually was his Apex Mountain”
what-if (what-if):
The Natural → Hypothetical basketball series.
As a 10-episode series it would be better as basketball, set in the 60s, to keep the identity mystery plausible.
career (career):
Winona Ryder → The Godfather Part III.
Ryder's run of odd choices included falling out of Godfather 3, leading to the Sofia Coppola casting.
“And then from that point, she falls out of Godfather 3.”
industry (industry):
Reality Bites → Friends (TV).
Friends season one captured the mid-90s roommate money tension that Reality Bites does.
“That's why I defend season one of Friends, because I thought it did a nice job of, in these weird ways of, uh, what it was like to have a roommate in the mid 90s.”
industry (industry):
Reality Bites → Melrose Place (TV).
The Melrose Place AIDS scene lampoons the TV treatment of the issue while the film makes AIDS a character.
“this movie, out of any movie I've seen from this era, does the best job of just kind of making that a character.”
fun, about
Friday the 13th:
Bill's mother and stepfather-to-be saw it in a Stamford theater; when Jason rose from the lake a man screamed 'get the fuck out' and ran up the aisle.
“this guy in front of them, stood up, screamed, get the fuck out, and started running out of the theater.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Dinner scene shoot: John Dugan refused to redo 5-hour grandpa makeup, so they shot it all in 30 hours, 100 degrees, rotting food, blackout curtains, cast puking outside. Edwin Neal called it worse than Vietnam.
“filming that scene was the worst time of my life, and I had been in Vietnam with people trying to kill me.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Hot take from Bill: the hitchhiker is scarier than Leatherface, because everyone has met someone fully gone in a bar who wants to show them a knife.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Most 1974 thing: the hitchhiker's Polaroid with flashbulb, 'chain saw' as two words, 'old lady' for a girlfriend, and hitchhikers themselves.
“And then, uh, I think the winner is just hitchhikers.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
The We Slaughter Barbecue sign and the gas station aged best; the real gas station is now a horror-themed barbecue restaurant and motel in Texas.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Facts: 83 minutes, 868 edits, one chainsaw, one outfit, a $60,000 shoot (later $125K budget with promotion); it made $31 million; Ebert gave it 2 stars.
“There are 868 edits and an 83 minute movie, which apparently is a lot.”
fun, about
Franklin:
Bill's 'who we hate' pick: nobody is a worse hang than Franklin; Texas Monthly called him one of the most despicable handicapped people in film, the only one who almost deserves his death.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Only one chainsaw death in the whole movie (Franklin), prompting the joke that it should be Texas Hammer Massacre.
“I mean, in some ways, Texas Hammer Massacre didn't go really the same.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Bill's hottest take: Leatherface was the victim, just defending his property in his own house with a hobby of taxidermy.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Craig's life lesson: the real lesson is don't pick up hitchhikers and always have a full tank; Bill notes the lesson from Miyagi is get gas when you need it.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Casting what-ifs: Bill's 1974 big-cast version has Jeff Bridges, Rob Reiner (wheelchair), Ron Howard, Penny Marshall and Goldie Hawn as the final girl. The real unknown actors are what makes it work. Cruise or Hanks gag in the van.
“Jeff Bridges, Rob Reiner and Ron Howard, maybe Rob Reiners in the wheelchair.”
fun, about
Gunnar Hansen:
Hansen admitted in his book Chainsaw Confidential that after failed attempts he secretly removed the protective tape from the knife and cut Burns's finger for real; Bill calls it an OSHA violation.
“he secretly removed the protected tape from the knife and cut Marilyn Burns's finger for real.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Money story: financed by mob-linked money (the Deep Throat producers), cast kept signing away shares, company went bankrupt, New Line bought the stuff and belatedly paid; nobody went on to a career.
“They ended up getting financing from basically the mob.”
fun, about
Gunnar Hansen:
Body Odor Award to Leatherface: he had one dyed shirt for four weeks and by the end of the shoot no one would stand near him.
“by the end of the shoot, no one would stand near him.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Who won the movie: Tobe Hooper, who got the best career out of it, at the Universal lot with Spielberg, directing Poltergeist.
fun, about
Domestic Disturbance:
Ebert quote: the audience critics saw the wrong last reel. He had to watch the movie twice in a week.
“the final confrontation so badly choreographed that I was not the least bit surprised when the studio called to say the Chicago critics had, quote, seen the wrong last reel.”
fun, about
Anti-apex:
Anti-apex list of listener's: Travolta in Look Who's Talking, Mike Myers in Love Guru, Brando in Dr. Moreau, Cliffhanger for a rock-climbing date.
“Cliffhanger as anti-apex for a rock climbing date.”
fun, about
Sicario:
Craig suggests Alejandro killed the cartel leader too fast; listener jokes he is a future true crime subject.
“I'd like to suggest the Bangkok Coralback tip off award for is Craig actually a serial killer who will one day have his own Netflix true crime documentary?”
fun, about
Hall of Fame:
Hall of Fame will have plaques and a special pod.
“I think we should just make, we should actually really put more time into this and then like announce it on some special pod and have like plaques and stuff.”
fun, about
Kelly LeBrock:
LeBrock described her Weird Science role as Mary Poppins with breasts, from a Hughes documentary; she is the best part because the character is made to improve the boys.
“she plays Mary Poppins with Brest, which I thought was a good way to describe the character.”
fun, about
Bill Paxton:
Paxton showed up in the party scene in sunglasses and a trench coat just to be around the set; cast calls him the nicest person.
“Apparently he dresses up in his sunglasses in a trench coat, trench coat, and he's in the party scene.”
fun, about
Species:
Meta category: Michael Madsen is the reason this film was picked after his death; Bill wanted Donnie Brasco, but Chris said Species.
“Michael Matson passed away and we had to do a Michael Matson movie.”
fun, about
Species:
Read before the Ebert review: a $35 million budget and a gross garbled in the transcript as $13.3 million (later someone says it made over $100 million).
fun, about
Species:
The Hollywood Hills guy, Robbie, looks like Nick Wright; the club murder and the Long Island iced tea section is Bill's favorite part.
fun, about
Griffin Dunn / After Hours:
Scorsese told Dunn not to have sex for the first 8 weeks to keep desire in Paul Hackett's eyes. Dunn lasted until the massage scene weekend, had an 'accident', and Scorsese stopped the take and guessed instantly.
fun, about
Catherine O'Hara and John Heard:
Best-aged detail: a glimpse of the future Home Alone parents through a window, before they were movie parents.
“soon they will be 2 of the most famous parents in movie history.”
fun, about
Linda Fiorentino:
Bill's long riff: why wasn't she ever on The Sopranos; he proposes a one-episode arc where she messes with Tony and he kills her.
“She could have done a one episode arc where she's just fucking with Tony and then Tony kills her.”
fun, about
Linda Fiorentino / Anthony Pellicano:
Sean's research: Fiorentino dated a former FBI agent who pulled files for Pellicano's case, and he pleaded guilty; Bill: that's a movie.
fun, about
Samuel L. Jackson:
Casting what-if: 1980s crazy Sam Jackson for two minutes as a barfly or vigilante mob member; 'Jules Winfield would be great.'
fun, about
Kevin Spacey:
New award invented: Kevin Spacey doing cocaine and harassing Tess in the limo wins craziest foreshadowing of a real-life event.
fun, about
Sylvester Stallone:
He sold the script to ABC; Henry Winkler had to get it back, and Stallone insisted on writing and starring for far less money.