Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
career (career arc):
Anthony Hopkins → Hannibal.
Hannibal and Red Dragon are late-60s money grabs; Hannibal didn't work for Bill because Hopkins is much older.
“Which didn't work for me because he's so much older than he was in Silence of the Lambs, but it's a prequel.”
theme (genre copy):
Color of Night → Basic Instinct.
Bruce Willis's Color of Night was another Basic Instinct era noir with a famous full-frontal moment.
“Everyone, remember Bruce Willis did that movie where he showed his penis?”
people (same actor):
Prelude to a Kiss → Malice.
Bill calls Prelude to a Kiss, not Malice or Edge, the Baldwin performance where he finally works as a leading man.
what-if (casting what-if):
The Edge → The Fugitive.
Harrison Ford, two years after The Fugitive, was the studio's dream lead; with him it becomes a $200 million movie.
“Like, if we get Harrison Ford, there's a $200000000 movie.”
what-if (casting what-if):
Harrison Ford → Anthony Hopkins.
If Ford had the Hopkins part the film changes because you blindly root for Ford.
“if Harrison Ford was in the Hopkins spot. First of all, it is, this is a different movie because now I'm rooting for, it's just in, you're blind rooting for Harrison Ford in every movie.”
theme (trope):
The Edge → Halloween H2O.
The rule of three, that the Black guy dies when three are left, was subverted by LL Cool J in H2O and Deep Blue Sea.
unmapped (famous death):
Deep Blue Sea → Samuel L. Jackson.
Sam Jackson's shock death was a promoted star dying, in a scene Van counts among the greats.
what-if (casting what-if):
Robert De Niro → Anthony Hopkins.
De Niro went far down the road for the Hopkins part, including a table read, but kept worrying about the bear.
unmapped (bear movie):
The Edge → The Revenant.
Bart the Bear versus the Revenant's bear: The Edge is the best mainstream bear movie; The Revenant is beautiful but too brutal to rewatch.
career (career peak):
Harold Perrineau → Lost.
Harold Perrineau's run on Oz, The Best Man and Lost is called his Apex Mountain; Lost the biggest audience.
“I mean, you could argue lost as probably as Apex mine.”
programming (double feature):
The Edge → The Ghost and the Darkness.
Ghost and the Darkness, from around the same time, is another animal-stalking pairing.
“You could also talk me to Ghost in the Darkness because this came right around this time or they're chasing the killer lions.”
unmapped (dramatization):
The Edge → What Just Happened.
Barry Levinson's 2008 film, drawn from Art Linson's book, fictionalizes the making of The Edge, including the beard fight and De Niro.
“They made a movie based on Art Linson's book, and a lot of it is about making this stupid movie and a big part about him not shaving the beard”
theme (genre):
Margin Call → Michael Clayton.
Simmons groups Margin Call with Michael Clayton, Shattered Glass and Moneyball as modern office thrillers.
industry (industry):
Margin Call → Contagion.
Simmons lists 2011 movies like Margin Call, Moneyball, Limitless, Contagion as the end of the pre-streaming era; today they'd be pitched as TV.
“this was kind of the end of the pre-streaming era.”
industry (industry):
Margin Call → The Big Short.
Simmons says Big Short hurt Margin Call by swallowing its oxygen, making it less rewatchable on cable.
“Big Short kind of swallowed up a little bit of the oxygen around this story.”
craft (craft):
Robert De Niro → Midnight Run.
Simmons calls De Niro the Michael Jordan of cigarette-smoking, citing Jimmy Conway and Jack Walsh in Midnight Run.
programming (programming):
Misery → The Silence of the Lambs.
Annie Wilkes and Hannibal Lecter came back to back, two great thriller characters in 12 months.
“Annie Wilkes and Hannibal Lecter, back to back ears.”
lineage (lineage):
Knocked Up → When Harry Met Sally.
Bill dates the rom-com boom as starting with When Harry Met Sally and running to the mid 2000s, with Knocked Up on the other side of the shift.
lineage (lineage):
Mean Girls → Knocked Up.
Bill thinks Mean Girls may have been the first to figure out 'more funny than romantic, but also having the romance'.
“I feel like mean girls might have been the 1st one that figured out.”
programming (programming):
Knocked Up → Mean Girls.
Bill groups Knocked Up with Mean Girls, 40-Year-Old Virgin, Wedding Crashers, Sarah Marshall and Bridesmaids as the 'com-rom' cycle.
“Mean girls, 40 year old virgin, wedding crashers, knocked up, Sarah Marshall, EZA bridesmaids.”
lineage (lineage):
Starting Over → Knocked Up.
Bill offers Starting Over (Burt Reynolds, a love triangle in Boston) as an early prototype of Apatow movies.
“It's got, it feels like a very early prototype of these Apatow movies.”
fun, about
Friday the 13th:
Bill's mother and stepfather-to-be saw it in a Stamford theater; when Jason rose from the lake a man screamed 'get the fuck out' and ran up the aisle.
“this guy in front of them, stood up, screamed, get the fuck out, and started running out of the theater.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Dinner scene shoot: John Dugan refused to redo 5-hour grandpa makeup, so they shot it all in 30 hours, 100 degrees, rotting food, blackout curtains, cast puking outside. Edwin Neal called it worse than Vietnam.
“filming that scene was the worst time of my life, and I had been in Vietnam with people trying to kill me.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Hot take from Bill: the hitchhiker is scarier than Leatherface, because everyone has met someone fully gone in a bar who wants to show them a knife.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Most 1974 thing: the hitchhiker's Polaroid with flashbulb, 'chain saw' as two words, 'old lady' for a girlfriend, and hitchhikers themselves.
“And then, uh, I think the winner is just hitchhikers.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
The We Slaughter Barbecue sign and the gas station aged best; the real gas station is now a horror-themed barbecue restaurant and motel in Texas.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Facts: 83 minutes, 868 edits, one chainsaw, one outfit, a $60,000 shoot (later $125K budget with promotion); it made $31 million; Ebert gave it 2 stars.
“There are 868 edits and an 83 minute movie, which apparently is a lot.”
fun, about
Franklin:
Bill's 'who we hate' pick: nobody is a worse hang than Franklin; Texas Monthly called him one of the most despicable handicapped people in film, the only one who almost deserves his death.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Only one chainsaw death in the whole movie (Franklin), prompting the joke that it should be Texas Hammer Massacre.
“I mean, in some ways, Texas Hammer Massacre didn't go really the same.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Bill's hottest take: Leatherface was the victim, just defending his property in his own house with a hobby of taxidermy.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Craig's life lesson: the real lesson is don't pick up hitchhikers and always have a full tank; Bill notes the lesson from Miyagi is get gas when you need it.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Casting what-ifs: Bill's 1974 big-cast version has Jeff Bridges, Rob Reiner (wheelchair), Ron Howard, Penny Marshall and Goldie Hawn as the final girl. The real unknown actors are what makes it work. Cruise or Hanks gag in the van.
“Jeff Bridges, Rob Reiner and Ron Howard, maybe Rob Reiners in the wheelchair.”
fun, about
Gunnar Hansen:
Hansen admitted in his book Chainsaw Confidential that after failed attempts he secretly removed the protective tape from the knife and cut Burns's finger for real; Bill calls it an OSHA violation.
“he secretly removed the protected tape from the knife and cut Marilyn Burns's finger for real.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Money story: financed by mob-linked money (the Deep Throat producers), cast kept signing away shares, company went bankrupt, New Line bought the stuff and belatedly paid; nobody went on to a career.
“They ended up getting financing from basically the mob.”
fun, about
Gunnar Hansen:
Body Odor Award to Leatherface: he had one dyed shirt for four weeks and by the end of the shoot no one would stand near him.
“by the end of the shoot, no one would stand near him.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Who won the movie: Tobe Hooper, who got the best career out of it, at the Universal lot with Spielberg, directing Poltergeist.
fun, about
Domestic Disturbance:
Ebert quote: the audience critics saw the wrong last reel. He had to watch the movie twice in a week.
“the final confrontation so badly choreographed that I was not the least bit surprised when the studio called to say the Chicago critics had, quote, seen the wrong last reel.”
fun, about
Anti-apex:
Anti-apex list of listener's: Travolta in Look Who's Talking, Mike Myers in Love Guru, Brando in Dr. Moreau, Cliffhanger for a rock-climbing date.
“Cliffhanger as anti-apex for a rock climbing date.”
fun, about
Sicario:
Craig suggests Alejandro killed the cartel leader too fast; listener jokes he is a future true crime subject.
“I'd like to suggest the Bangkok Coralback tip off award for is Craig actually a serial killer who will one day have his own Netflix true crime documentary?”
fun, about
Hall of Fame:
Hall of Fame will have plaques and a special pod.
“I think we should just make, we should actually really put more time into this and then like announce it on some special pod and have like plaques and stuff.”
fun, about
Kelly LeBrock:
LeBrock described her Weird Science role as Mary Poppins with breasts, from a Hughes documentary; she is the best part because the character is made to improve the boys.
“she plays Mary Poppins with Brest, which I thought was a good way to describe the character.”
fun, about
Bill Paxton:
Paxton showed up in the party scene in sunglasses and a trench coat just to be around the set; cast calls him the nicest person.
“Apparently he dresses up in his sunglasses in a trench coat, trench coat, and he's in the party scene.”
fun, about
Species:
Meta category: Michael Madsen is the reason this film was picked after his death; Bill wanted Donnie Brasco, but Chris said Species.
“Michael Matson passed away and we had to do a Michael Matson movie.”
fun, about
Species:
Read before the Ebert review: a $35 million budget and a gross garbled in the transcript as $13.3 million (later someone says it made over $100 million).
fun, about
Species:
The Hollywood Hills guy, Robbie, looks like Nick Wright; the club murder and the Long Island iced tea section is Bill's favorite part.
fun, about
Griffin Dunn / After Hours:
Scorsese told Dunn not to have sex for the first 8 weeks to keep desire in Paul Hackett's eyes. Dunn lasted until the massage scene weekend, had an 'accident', and Scorsese stopped the take and guessed instantly.
fun, about
Catherine O'Hara and John Heard:
Best-aged detail: a glimpse of the future Home Alone parents through a window, before they were movie parents.
“soon they will be 2 of the most famous parents in movie history.”
fun, about
Linda Fiorentino:
Bill's long riff: why wasn't she ever on The Sopranos; he proposes a one-episode arc where she messes with Tony and he kills her.
“She could have done a one episode arc where she's just fucking with Tony and then Tony kills her.”
fun, about
Linda Fiorentino / Anthony Pellicano:
Sean's research: Fiorentino dated a former FBI agent who pulled files for Pellicano's case, and he pleaded guilty; Bill: that's a movie.
fun, about
Samuel L. Jackson:
Casting what-if: 1980s crazy Sam Jackson for two minutes as a barfly or vigilante mob member; 'Jules Winfield would be great.'
fun, about
Kevin Spacey:
New award invented: Kevin Spacey doing cocaine and harassing Tess in the limo wins craziest foreshadowing of a real-life event.
fun, about
Sylvester Stallone:
He sold the script to ABC; Henry Winkler had to get it back, and Stallone insisted on writing and starring for far less money.