Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
Their claims
Showing 201–300 of 1,295 claims.
theme (behind-the-scenes anecdote parallel):
Seagal's Out for Justice → After Hours.
Dunn's accidental ruined massage take is compared to the Seagal on-set story, which Bill ranks slightly higher.
“Not as good as Stevens Gaw shitting on himself as he's being choked out on the set about for justice, but really good.”
programming (double feature):
After Hours → Pee-wee's Big Adventure.
Tim Burton left After Hours the same year he made Pee-wee; both are about a manchild in a strange world finding salvation going home.
“about a manchild, thrust into a world he doesn't understand, seeking something he can't get, and eventually finding salvation by going back home.”
what-if (casting what-if):
Griffin Dunn → Tom Hanks.
Bill offers 1985 Tom Hanks, fresh off Splash, as a better lead for the comic timing and awkward horniness.
“I think this would have been a really good Tom Hanks movie.”
career (career peak):
Linda Fiorentino → The Last Seduction.
Her peak (Apex Mountain) is The Last Seduction or Men in Black; she lost Oscar eligibility because it aired on HBO first.
“Linda Firentino, last seduction 1994, which she should have gotten nominated for an Oscar, but they had released it on HBO first.”
verdict (late-night NYC ranking):
After Hours → The Warriors.
Bill ranks The Warriors above After Hours among late-night New York movies since it covers more ground.
career (career):
Harrison Ford → Raiders of the Lost Ark.
It may have been a big deal that Indiana Jones was doing a romantic comedy; this is his first rom-com.
“I wonder if it was a big deal that Indiana Jones was doing sort of like a romantic comedy.”
career (career):
Sigourney Weaver → Gorillas in the Mist.
Her mid-80s run: Ghostbusters, Aliens, Gorillas in the Mist, Working Girl, Ghostbusters II, all in a row.
“Ghostbusters, aliens, gorillas in the mist, working girl, Ghostbusters, two, basically all in a row.”
career (career):
Harrison Ford → Blade Runner.
Ford's 80s run: two Raiders movies, two Star Wars, Blade Runner, Witness, Mosquito Coast, Frantic, then this.
career (career):
Mike Nichols → Silkwood.
His 83-89 run: Silkwood, Heartburn, Biloxi Blues, Working Girl, Postcards from the Edge, then Regarding Henry.
“his run in the 80s, just from 83 to 89 was Sokwood, Harburn, Bilaxi Blues, working girl, postcards from the Edge, and then regarding Henry 91”
verdict (verdict):
Roger Ebert → Working Girl.
Ebert gave Working Girl four stars and praised its clockwork craftsmanship.
“The plot of working girl is put together like clockwork, carries you along while you're watching it, but reconstruct it later and you'll see the craftsmanship.”
verdict (verdict):
Roger Ebert → Biloxi Blues.
Ebert said Working Girl was Nichols returning to the top of his form; the panel notes they did not like Biloxi Blues much.
“Working girl is Nichols returning to the top of his form.”
what-if (what-if):
Geena Davis → The Accidental Tourist.
Rudin said if Griffith tested for The Accidental Tourist she was out of Working Girl; Davis won the Oscar for it.
“Scott Ruden says, if she tests for another movie, she's out for working girl.”
lineage (lineage):
Rocky → The Karate Kid.
Rocky is eight years before Karate Kid, which is called the 2.0 version of the same underdog story but a completely different movie in every respect.
“We're 8 years away from karate kid, which is the next, the 2.0 version of this movie.”
career (career):
Sylvester Stallone → Quentin Tarantino.
Stallone's self-made breakout is likened to Tarantino crossed with acting, and Tarantino was the runner-up for who won the movie.
contrast (contrast):
Rocky → The Bad News Bears.
Rocky and Bad News Bears were the two movies that year that flipped the sports-movie expectation of winning.
industry (industry):
Rocky → Taxi Driver.
Taxi Driver may be more cinematically important in movie history, but All the President's Men is the perfect Oscar movie and Scorsese should have won director.
“I would go, all the president's been for a movie, and I would go Scorsese for best director.”
what-if (what-if):
Rocky → Robert Redford.
United Artists wanted a well-established star, with Redford, Ryan O'Neal, Burt Reynolds and James Caan floated.
programming (programming):
Friday Night Lights (TV series) → Cheers.
A franchise concept like Cheers could have been run back in another city; so could Friday Night Lights.
“Just take cheers, move it into a different city and go.”
lineage (lineage):
Friday Night Lights (2004 film) → Varsity Blues.
Both took viewers into the Texas football world; Friday Night Lights nailed it and the TV series went further.
craft (craft):
Peter Berg → Friday Night Lights (2004 film).
Berg reread the rejected scripts and the book and realized the story is about what football means to the community.
“Peterburg read all of them and reread the book and he was like, what did they get wrong?”
industry (industry):
Friday Night Lights (2004 film) → Tin Cup.
Tin Cup (1996) belongs to the 3.0 era of sports movies that preceded Friday Night Lights.
“And Friday Night Lights is moving us toward this kind of next iteration of whatever that was, and it's leading to stuff like money ball and win-win and like dramas that also happen to be about sports.”
verdict (verdict):
Friday Night Lights (2004 film) → Rocky.
Other than Rocky, Friday Night Lights is probably the best film where the good guys do not win.
“That's probably the other than Rocky, probably the best one.”
career (career):
Coach Gaines → Tommy Norris.
The two Billy Bob roles share the problem-solving calm amid chaos, though Tommy is more overt and darker.
“It's the same kind of thing where there's chaos going all around him.”
fun, about
Gazzo's driver:
Best that guy award goes to Gazzo's driver, who also gets the 'take her to the zoo' line; Bill and his dad used the license plate joke for 20 years.
fun, about
Friday Night Lights (2004 film):
Coach Gaines lying that Boobie will be fine, never getting an MRI: the hottest take is that he is a bad coach.
fun, about
Joe's dad (the opening scene):
The panel invents a new category blaming Joe's dad: a cheap lock on the storm shelter door, and he should have just let go.
fun, about
Twister (most 1996 thing):
A one-off category inspired by the 1999 episode: options include no internet, the Dodge Ram, no Oklahoma City Thunder references, and Helen Hunt's hair.
fun, about
Aunt Meg's kitchen scene:
Chris's favorite scene: steak and eggs, gravy and Aunt Meg, setting her up so the crew later saves her; Bill singles out the gravy and 8 coffees to go.
fun, about
Philip Seymour Hoffman:
In an early lawn-chair scene Hoffman lifts his leg laughing and a split second of exposure was edited from later DVD and VHS releases.
“you can see his genitals for a split 2nd that they had to edit out of future DH DVD and VHS releases.”
fun, about
Wakita, Oklahoma:
The real town was used; houses were bought and demolished; there is a Twister Museum there that Paxton helped stock with memorabilia.
fun, about
Luke Wilson:
Craig's hot take from a prior episode, that Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford, now has the hottest-take award renamed after him.
“So the CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford, hottest take award.”
fun, about
The War of the Roses:
Deleted scenes on YouTube include the indoor garden before he saws off her heels, and a heater scene explaining why everyone is sweaty.
fun, about
Richard Gere:
Gere's best performance, with An Officer and a Gentleman; he is shown as a villain who is still charismatic enough to root for.
“I think this is his best performance in a movie.”
fun, about
Billy Baldwin:
The comeback-to-flop arc is told with an NFL analogy: Hollywood gave him a four-year window like Kenny Pickett on the Steelers.
fun, about
Roger Ebert:
The running Ebert bit: no review found, but At the Movies with Siskel, where both loved it and Ebert called it a movie about personalities.
fun, about
Richard Gere:
The taco-stand scene wins the new Rick Dalton Award for best acting; the line is 'I'm married, you're married, we're married.'
“I would like to introduce a new award to the rewatchables.”
fun, about
Tova Arocus:
A hot take: Tova, the wife, is the real villain because she prompts the killing of her husband's parents, sleeps with Peck, then pays Peck to kill her husband.
fun, about
Al Pacino:
Pacino is in three late-90s dances with over-the-top; his Any Given Sunday inch-by-inch speech is called all time in a terrible movie, carrying it like LeBron.
“The Inch's speech is all time for me and that movie's terrible and he's carrying it like LeBron carried the 2007 caps.”
fun, about
The Insider:
The golf range scene: a henchman stares Wigand down after each swing until he grabs the 5 iron; the hosts rate the henchman a 9.5 swinger and Crowe a 4.
fun, about
Bruce McGill:
Bruce McGill's courtroom outburst, 'Wipe that smirk off your face,' wins the Dion Waiters award and is a triple-crown candidate.
“This is not North Carolina, not South Carolina, nor Kentucky.”
fun, about
The Insider:
Title brainstorm: a better title might have been The Whistleblower or Cigarette Burns; Thank You for Smoking is cited as a title that tells you the subject.
“It just needed to have an element of danger to it.”
fun, about
The Insider:
The Knicks 'semifinals' line in the car scene draws a long riff on how nobody says semifinals; conference finals, since the Knicks were in the NBA finals that year.
fun, about
The Insider:
Apex Mountain: the golfing henchman, Bruce McGill and Plummer; Plummer's is probably The Sound of Music; Mann's apex may be getting this movie made 34 years after Heat.
fun, about
The Big Chill:
JoBeth Williams: for the Costner scene they rented a big house in Atlanta and installed bead curtains, rock posters, incense and 1968 Life magazines.
“they rented a big house in Atlanta and installed bead curtains, rock posters, incense, and 1968 life magazines”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Lillo Brancato Jr.:
The film's big line about wasted talent became Brancato's real life: found out of thousands of kids, he was doing drugs while shooting, later jailed after a robbery in which an off-duty cop died; the New York Post headline said 'wasted talent'.
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Chazz Palminteri:
Palminteri refused to sell his one-man show unless he played Sonny, the Stallone-Rocky bet on himself. He was 40; De Niro offered to direct and play Lorenzo. He still tours the one-man show every year.
“Yeah, this was also a famous Hollywood success story where Chaz Palmentari. There's a one-man show.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
The door test: Sonny's rule that if a girl does not reach over and unlock your car door, dump her fast. It now fails because there are no pull-up knobs, and the hosts also debate the Mario test.
“The door test is now defunct because we don't have buttons that you pull up and down?”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Lessons from the movie, the show's rare lessons segment: better to be feared than loved (Machiavelli in prison), trouble is a cancer, nobody cares, a rat is the lowest thing, and three great women. 'Nobody cares' voted best.
“I would say the best, greatest lesson from this movie is probably the nobody cares.”
fun, about
Bill Simmons / TV channels:
Simmons pitches a prison-movie channel called Bars (B-A-R-Z) running Shawshank, Escape from Alcatraz, Oz and Orange Is the New Black; a gambling-movie channel is also pitched for FanDuel TV.
“I always wanted an all-jail movie channel called Bars, B-A-R-Z.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Best quote: 'The saddest thing in life is wasted talent', delivered by Coach Finstock-style line; it also resurfaces as the 'best quote' of the episode.
“Best quote, saddest thing in life is wasted talent.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale casting:
Casting what-ifs: Kathrine Narducci brought her nine-year-old to audition for Calogero; Frank Vincent was to play a boss but the scene was cut; Philip Garbarino lost the C role to Brancato and played Sonny's killer.
“And he lost out to our guy Lola Broncado Jr. for the role.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Eddie Mush:
They could not find anyone to play Eddie Mush, so they cast the real Eddie Mush, Eddie Montenero; on the first day it rained and they could not film. Mush is now gambling slang ('he's gonna mush me').
“they ended up finding the real Eddie Mush, and his name is Eddie Montenero.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / De Niro:
Trivia: De Niro got a Class B commercial driver's license for the role; he tried in Boston and they would not let him. Hosts also note people think Rob Schneider is in the biker fight.
“And then De Niro did get his commercial driver's license, Class B, and he tried to get it in Boston and they wouldn't let him.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Apex Mountain:
Apex Mountain calls: crap scenes, bus drivers (this or Speed), racists burned alive (this or Django Unchained), Palminteri (this or Usual Suspects), Broncado yes, Pesci no, and Kathrine Narducci no.
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Satan's Messenger scene:
Biker bar fight: would out-of-shape Italians really beat a biker gang? Ryan says gangsters have the fighting equivalent of dad strength; proposed sequel is Hell's Angels vs. the Mafia Battle Royale.
“I feel like gangsters have the fighting equivalent of dad strength”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Is this movie better: Bill adds Frank Vincent to the candidates list (Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Catherine Keener, Steve Buscemi, Sam Jackson, J.T. Walsh, Philip Baker Hall).
fun, about
My Cousin Vinny:
Film's famous breakdown: the real difference between Jack Palance and the frozen envelope conspiracies in Tomei's Oscar win.
“I believe the David Stern thing, the frozen envelope way more than the Jack Palance.”
fun, about
Austin Pendleton:
Said in 2022 he regrets playing the stuttering lawyer after letters from the stuttering community; hosts say the device was low.