Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
Their claims
Showing 701–800 of 1,295 claims.
career (career):
Whoopi Goldberg → Sister Act.
Whoopi's 1992 peak: Ghost the year before, Sister Act the same year.
contrast (contrast):
The Player → Super Pumped.
Bill jokes a ten-episode Netflix Player would be Super Pumped; the others say the mystery element makes binging work.
lineage (real-world inspiration):
Die Hard 2 → Manuel Noriega.
The writer admitted the script grabbed smoke from Iran-Contra and Manuel Noriega.
“there's definitely some Iran Contra, kind of, they're just grabbing smoke from that whole scandal and shoehorning into this with Manuel Noriega in real life.”
theme (critic comparison):
Die Hard 2 → Indiana Jones series.
The critic grouped it with Indiana Jones as thrillers that leave your arm black and blue.
“this is one of those thrillers, like the Indiana Jones series that I categorized as bruised for our movies”
craft (joke re-edit):
Die Hard 2 → Pulp Fiction.
Riffing on a re-edit channel, they joke Pulp Fiction could be cut down to Bruce going to get his watch.
unmapped (shared fictional country):
Die Hard 2 → Commando.
Esperanza is a general of Val Verde, the fictional country from Commando; Commando is the true Val Verde Apex Mountain.
“Esperanza is actually a general in the country of Valverde, which is the same country used the fictional South American country used in commando.”
unmapped (airport movie):
Die Hard 2 → Airplane!.
Set-in-an-airport Apex Mountain is either Die Hard 2 or Airplane, with Airport and Planes Trains aged or insufficient.
unmapped (nude Tai Chi):
Die Hard 2 → Road House.
They propose a debate whether Sadler's fully nude Tai Chi beats Swayze's half-nude Tai Chi in Road House.
“whether Sadler's fully nude Tai Chi, tops Swayze's half nude Tai Chi in Roadhouse.”
unmapped (villain charisma):
Die Hard 2 → Die Hard with a Vengeance.
Simmons asks if Die Hard 2 is worse because Esperanza lacks the charisma of Rickman or Jeremy Irons.
“it doesn't have an evil guy as a villain as charismatic as Rickman or John Jeremy Irons?”
unmapped (Christmas movie test):
Die Hard 2 → National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
Simmons says a real Christmas movie is Christmas Vacation, where Christmas is in every scene, unlike Die Hard 2.
“A Christmas movie is like National Lampoon's Christmas vacation.”
what-if (alternate ending):
Die Hard 2 → The Rock.
Ryan wants the Rock-style fix where the villain is stopped at the last second, with Ed Harris redirecting the rockets.
“when Ed Harris shoots the rockets at San Francisco and then he like redirects them at the last second.”
career (career path):
Fred Thompson → The Hunt for Red October.
Simmons asks whether Red October and Die Hard 2 made voters want Thompson as a senator.
“Hunt for October and Die Hard 2 where people just like, let's just vote this guy in.”
industry (industry):
Panic Room → The Godfather.
The Academy's anniversary shoehorning (Godfather 50th, Pulp Fiction 28th) was awkward; Pacino and De Niro barely spoke.
“The weird thing was, like, you have Pacino and De Niro out there, and they don't talk.”
contrast (contrast):
Panic Room → Fight Club.
Fincher assumed a one-location film would be easier than Fight Club's 400 scenes in 100 locations; it was harder.
“He does Fight Club and it's an insane movie to make, I think he said, Fight Club at 400 scenes in 100 locations.”
programming (programming):
Panic Room → Bird Box.
Home-invasion and people-in-peril movies are what Netflix feeds viewers; Panic Room is the well-done version.
“But I think this is the really well-done version of it.”
industry (industry):
Panic Room → Joe Eszterhas.
A record script sale, like Eszterhas's and Shane Black's, which Bill wants a Movie-Reference site for.
“didn't Joe Esterhouse have that once for basic instinct and him and Shane Black.”
programming (programming):
Panic Room → The Social Network.
Fincher movies are rewatchable and date-movie friendly, with the exception of Se7en; Social Network is the perfect date movie.
career (career):
Forest Whitaker → First Daughter.
Whitaker passed on directing Panic Room because he needed to prep First Daughter, though he wanted to act in it.
what-if (what-if):
Dwight Yoakam → Maynard.
Maynard was first choice for Raoul; Fincher had just directed his band's Judith video. Yoakam was number two.
“Fincher had just directed the video for Perfect Circles Judith, which is an awesome song and an awesome video.”
what-if (what-if):
Panic Room → Heat.
They run through the cast of Heat for Raoul: Pacino, De Niro, Rollins, Sizemore, Val Kilmer, Wes Studi, Voight; Sizemore is the answer.
“Let's just run through the entire cast of heat and decide who could play Raul.”
craft (craft):
David Fincher → Steven Soderbergh.
Soderbergh warned Fincher that his operator-less camera plan would drive him insane, and he was right.
“Soderberg was like, this is going to drive you insane if you do it this way?”
lineage (lineage):
The Ice Storm → The Brady Bunch Movie.
Simmons traces a mid-90s wave of 70s nostalgia (Brady Bunch movies, Reality Bites) that led to harder looks like Ice Storm.
“They make the Brady Bunch movie, which is a parody of the Brady Bunch.”
industry (industry):
The Ice Storm → Deep Throat.
Simmons sets the key party against eras of porn access, from Deep Throat in theaters to video stores.
craft (craft):
The Ice Storm → Brokeback Mountain.
Simmons says the two films share a vibe: sparse dialogue and the way Lee advances story and sets scenery.
people (people):
Kevin Kline → Sigourney Weaver.
They played the president and first lady four years earlier (in Dave) and here are a 70s adultery couple.
“who played the president and the 1st lady 4 years earlier”
career (career):
Katie Holmes → Dawson's Creek (TV).
Holmes went from her first film role here to Dawson's Creek, Disturbing Behavior, and Teaching Mrs. Tingle.
contrast (contrast):
The Ice Storm → Presumed Innocent.
Simmons notes Harrison Ford sex scenes (Presumed Innocent, Witness, Frantic) are stressed-out sex.
“it's a lot of like, I'm really stressed out sex.”
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Trivia: the license plate 2GAT123 is apparently the license-plate equivalent of the 555 phone number, appearing in other LA stories.
“is apparently the license plate equivalent of the 555 phone number.”
fun, about
Brigitte Nielsen:
Nielsen, who had affairs with Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Tony Scott, Mark Gastineau and Flavor Flav, is called a rainbow of romances.
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Double-feature style pitch: Axel is brought to LA as a consultant on a cop movie and discovers it is laundering drug money. Simmons adds Don Simpson with a giant pile of cocaine.
“Then we could have just had Don Simpson in the movie with a giant pile of cocaine.”
fun, about
Robert Altman:
Studio offered full financing if Altman got a bigger star than Tim Robbins; he told them off and self-financed, hence Spelling Entertainment in the credits.
“Altman was offered full studio financing of the player if he had a bigger star than Tim Robbins, and Altman said, fuck you”
fun, about
The Player cameos:
Altman got 65 celebrities to do cameos by saying only that it was about an executive who murders a screenwriter and gets away with it.
“I only told them, I'm making a film about a studio executive who murders the screenwriter and get away, gets away with it, and they all wanted to be in it.”
fun, about
The Player opening shot:
The 7:47 opening tracking shot took 15 takes and they used the 10th; it holds the Buck Henry Graduate II pitch and the meta quiet-on-the-set start.
“The opening scene, 7 minutes, 47 seconds, 15 takes were required.”
fun, about
Habeas Corpus (inside The Player):
The pitch is no stars, an unknown cast and a depressing ending; a year later it stars Julia Roberts and Bruce Willis with a happy ending.
fun, about
Sydney Pollack:
Sydney Pollack in suspenders and no shirt in Eyes Wide Shut is the text-thread photo and the energy Bill says he strives for.
fun, about
Vincent D'Onofrio and Greta Scacchi:
Six degrees: their daughter Leila George married Sean Penn, whom Tim Robbins directed in Dead Man Walking.
“They have a daughter named Leila George, who's married to Sean Penn.”
fun, about
Greta Scacchi:
Scacchi refused nudity after Presumed Innocent, so the sex scene is shot from the neck up; Cynthia Stevenson's nude hot tub scene is the counterpoint.
“Skocky said no nudity. So that was why they filmed the sex scene from the neck up.”
fun, about
Die Hard 2:
Most rewatchable scene: McClane fights two guys in a restricted baggage area, a cluttered multi-room fight setup nobody does anymore.
“John fights 2 guys in a security restricted baggage area.”
fun, about
Die Hard 2:
Most rewatchable: Carmine Lorenzo meets McClane and is unimpressed by the Nakatomi hero; the hosts joke about the Sully equivalent.
“Yeah, we're not at the Nakatomi building anymore, McQueen.”
fun, about
Die Hard 2:
The plane crash is the craziest, most horrifying scene in action movies and why the hosts hadn't done the movie; memorable, not rewatchable.
“I wouldn't call it rewatchable, more like memorable”
fun, about
Die Hard 2:
Christmas movie debate: Simmons holds firm that Die Hard and Die Hard 2 are not Christmas movies; the others say this captures holiday travel anxiety.
“In my heart of hearts, it's not a Christmas movie.”
fun, about
Will Smith:
On the Oscars: Bill says the first 2.5 hours were boring but the slap was the most must-see TV in five years; Kimmel compared it to Tyson biting Holyfield's ear.
“as soon as that happened, that was the most must see TV thing that has happened in, what, 5 years?”
fun, about
David Fincher:
Fincher's lessons from Panic Room: don't shoot 100 days in one place; he ended up two years in thinking nothing was worth it.
fun, about
Jodie Foster:
The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane (1976) is one of the five craziest movies you could ever rewatch; there's a dead person in the basement.
“which is one of the 5 craziest movies you could ever rewatch.”
fun, about
Panic Room:
Nicole Kidman was first cast as Meg, hurt her knee, and Foster replaced her on a week's notice because her Flora Plum shut down; then Foster got pregnant and production stopped again, which is why it took two years.
fun, about
Panic Room:
Bill reads Roger Ebert's three-star review (Fincher a visual virtuoso, Foster spellbinding) and asks why not 3.5; the Ebert running gag.
fun, about
Panic Room:
Most rewatchable scene candidates: robbers show up, Jody finds out they're in the house, Jody gets her phone (slow-mo), Leto screws up the safe talk, the switcheroo, the propane-tank sequence.
fun, about
Panic Room:
Bearer bonds explainer: bill Googles it; bonds are owned by whoever holds them, so they're 'the original Bitcoin' and a lazy heist-movie staple.
fun, about
Forest Whitaker:
Bill calls him 'the Jeff Green of actors' because of his baffling career: Oscar winner who is also in Taken 3, ER, and a Fast Times linebacker.
fun, about
Forest Whitaker:
He passed on directing Panic Room, wanting to act in it; he was prepping First Daughter, starring Katie Holmes, which he directed.
“He also directed 1st daughter starring Katie Holmes.”
fun, about
Dwight Yoakam:
Casting what-if: Maynard from Tool was first choice for Raoul, the greatest what-if in Rewatchables history; Yoakam was number two.
fun, about
Panic Room:
Kristen Stewart grew more than three inches during shooting, towering over Foster; Bill wants a database of child actors who grew mid-production.
“Kristen Stewart grew more than 3 inches during the filming.”
fun, about
Panic Room:
Craig asks about SOS flashlight signaling; leads to Kitty Genovese and the bystander effect and the Halloween neighbor who won't help Jamie Lee.
fun, about
Miracle:
Simmons listened to the Sweden game on a clock radio; the broadcast was tape delayed and he overheard the score in a grocery store.
“I swear to God, in my room, in Brooklyn, Massachusetts, I listened to us tie the Sweden game on my clock radio.”
fun, about
Al Michaels:
Michaels re-recorded his narration so the third act is narrated by him; his real last ten seconds call is higher and more excited.
fun, about
Bill Simmons:
Simmons's 2004 ESPN The Magazine column was rewritten by editors because Disney owned both; the new ending was 'by the way, I'm seeing it on Friday.'
“You can't, like, trash the idea of the movie in your column.”
fun, about
Father of the Bride (most rewatchable scene):
Annie announces she is getting married at the first family dinner. It sets up all the dynamics, and Steve Martin's expressions and Diane Keaton's welling-up are the payoff.
“it's got to be that 1st family dinner scene because it sets up all of the dynamics of the movie and everybody's very funny in it.”
fun, about
Kieran Culkin:
Best 'what ages the best': a child Kieran Culkin in the dinner scene whose face already looks like Roman Roy. Simmons and wife waited for the 8-year-old equivalent of a dick pic scene.
“It is so fucking hilarious to watch this and think that kid's going to be Roman Roy.”
fun, about
San Marino:
Both hosts give San Marino, the film's suburb, a best-aged vote; Simmons says it is a secret like Fight Club, with old-school drugstores with ice cream sundaes. The house exteriors are actually in Pasadena.
fun, about
Father of the Bride (basketball scene):
The kid montage into the father-daughter basketball scene set to a Darlene Love song. Simmons grades it an eight against Teen Wolf's one, and notes dads do not play one-on-one with a 5-foot-2 daughter.
“So if that's a one, this is like an eight, I would say.”
fun, about
Phoebe Cates:
Casting what-if: Phoebe Cates was offered Annie Banks but was pregnant. Simmons says she and Demi Moore would have split the Demi Moore parts.
“Phoebe Cates. Offered the role of Annie Banks. had to turn it down because she was pregnant.”
fun, about
George Newbern:
Best That Guy (Joey Pants Award) debate: Brian the son-in-law is George Newbern, who has hundreds of credits and over 350 audiobook credits on Audible as of September 2020. Simmons gives him the award over B.D. Wong.
“As of September 2020, over 350 credits on Audible.”
fun, about
George Clooney:
Recast-and-catch: George Clooney as the son-in-law, in 1991 Facts of Life mode, which Simmons says would make him a bit more of a threat and make a fun wrinkle.
“I can't believe George Clooney was the son-in-law, just would have been a fun wrinkle.”
fun, about
Tom Irish:
Trivia: an actor debuted in the 1950 Father of the Bride and made his last film appearance in the 1991 remake, playing Ben Banks in both.
fun, about
Father of the Bride (the house):
The house exterior is in Pasadena and the rest is sets or another house; the reception house sold for $1.998 million in August 2016. Fans take photos like at the Michael Myers house.
“It's like the like the Michael Myers house and a bunch of other ones.”