Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
Their claims
Showing 801–900 of 1,295 claims.
theme (era):
Miracle → Remember the Titans.
Both belong to the one-star-on-the-poster era of sports movies from 97 to 05.
“this is from 97 to basically 05, premise, get one big star.”
lineage (remake):
Father of the Bride → Father of the Bride.
The 1991 film remakes the Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor original, and the duo argue the remake anxiety has faded with time.
“there is obviously the original with Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor, but fine.”
contrast (tonal opposite):
Father of the Bride → Rachel Getting Married.
Rachel Getting Married is the dysfunctional, intense wedding movie; Father of the Bride is the gentle one where everyone ends up loving each other.
“the bizarre version of this is Rachel's getting married.”
people (dad performance):
Father of the Bride → Rachel Getting Married.
The dad in Rachel Getting Married, and the kitchen meltdown scene, is amazing but intense in the opposite way.
unmapped (aged-comedy peers):
The Jerk → Airplane!.
The Jerk is grouped with Airplane and Blues Brothers as all-time bangers that faded as years passed.
“like airplane, Blues Brothers, some of those where they were just like, all kind, all time bangers, and then as the years passed, they've kind of faded”
unmapped (same actress, sexiness as a trait):
The Man with Two Brains → Body Heat.
Kathleen Turner's sexiness is exploited as a trait in both films, an all-time hot performance.
“between that and body heat, all time hot performance by an actress where it's just like the sexiness of the actress is actually a trait they're exploiting in the movie.”
career (career turn):
Baby Boom → Diane Keaton.
Baby Boom was the first time Keaton moved away from Annie Hall and Woody Allen and the Godfather to lead a movie herself.
“it was the 1st time she moved away from Annie Hall, Woody Allen's 70s, Kate Corleone, and it's like, can she actually lead a movie herself and she did?”
unmapped (marriage and directing team):
Nancy Meyers → Charles Shyer.
Husband and wife team who did Baby Boom and both Father of the Bride films, then divorced and she went on to direct Parent Trap and others.
“they were like a husband and wife directing team, and they did Baby Boom, they did Father-Bride, Father-Bride part 2, and then they flip, and she directs Parent trap.”
lineage (remake-distance analogy):
Father of the Bride → Risky Business.
Remaking a film starring the biggest stars of 1982-83 would still have them hanging over it, as Elizabeth Taylor hung over the 1991 remake.
“if you remade risky business, Tom Cruise would hang over that movie.”
unmapped (narration that works):
Father of the Bride → Goodfellas.
Narration is usually a crutch, but it works in Goodfellas and here because the monologue is good and the narration lets George say what he cannot say.
“Narration is usually a crutch and you really, like Goodfellas is a good example of like, narration totally worked.”
unmapped (basketball scene scale):
Father of the Bride → Teen Wolf.
Teen Wolf has the worst basketball scene ever; Father of the Bride's father-daughter scene rates about an eight against its one.
“The worst, the worst basketball scene ever in a movie is in Teen Wolf.”
what-if (casting what-if):
George Clooney → Father of the Bride.
Recasting Brian with 1991 Facts of Life-era Clooney would have made him more of a threat and pulled the focus.
“I'm thinking Moet, Facts of Life, George Clooney, where it's like, he's still boyish.”
people (bookend casting):
Tom Irish → Father of the Bride.
He debuted in the 1950 film and made his last appearance in the 1991 remake, playing Ben Banks in both.
“made his film debut in the father of the bride in 1950, and his last film appearance in this movie, and he played the same character in both Ben Banks.”
theme (character basis):
Martin Short → Kevin Lee.
Short's wedding planner is based on Kevin Lee of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills who helped with Pitt and Aniston's wedding.
“Martin Short portrayed the wedding planner. is the portrayal is based on somebody named Kevin Lee.”
contrast (tonal opposite):
Father of the Bride → Rachel Getting Married.
Apex pick: Father of the Bride is the happy wedding movie, not the one with complete dysfunction.
“not Rachel's getting married where it's just complete dysfunction and people fucking in the basement.”
people (wedding movie exclusion / actor redemption):
Father of the Bride → The Godfather.
Simmons does not count The Godfather as a wedding movie, and says Keaton's performance here makes up for Kay Corleone.
“I don't count the godfather as a wedding movie, even though the wedding is important.”
verdict (best-Martin-movie rival):
Roxanne → Father of the Bride.
Roxanne was a massive movie that people feared he could not pull off, but this is still his best.
“Roxanne was a massive movie. And was a movie that people were not were worried that he was going to pull it off and they did, and it's really good.”
verdict (best-Martin-movie rival):
Parenthood → Father of the Bride.
Some would pick Parenthood as his best because it tried this type of movie first and spun off into a TV show.
“Some people might say parenthood actually, because it's the 1st type of movie that tried to do the stuff they did.”
industry (industry):
Saturday Night Fever → Jaws.
Jaws, Rocky, Star Wars and this film mark the 70s run where pop culture and the business changed direction.
“75, we have Jaws, which creates the summer blockbuster.”
theme (theme):
Saturday Night Fever → Mean Streets.
70s and 80s films tried to capture a city or group; Scorsese did it in Mean Streets with people who are not great either.
“like, you know, mean streets, Scorsese does that.”
contrast (contrast):
Saturday Night Fever → The Sopranos.
Simmons wonders whether the producers knew these men were bad guys, unlike David Chase on The Sopranos.
“I know for the Sopranos, for instance, you know that David Chase knows that these are bad guys”
industry (industry):
Saturday Night Fever → Equus.
Best Actor field that year included Richard Burton in Equus, which Kimmel says is unfair for plays adapted to film.
industry (industry):
Saturday Night Fever → The Goodbye Girl.
Richard Dreyfuss won the Best Actor Oscar over Travolta for The Goodbye Girl; Simmons calls it a do-over.
“And then our winner, Richard Dreyfus and the Goodbye Girl.”
lineage (lineage):
Saturday Night Fever → Mean Streets.
Ebert, read aloud, ties the film to Little Italy as Scorsese saw it in Mean Streets: characters with few aims and no way out.
“it reminds him of New York's Little Italy, as Martin Scorsese saw it”
verdict (verdict):
Saturday Night Fever → Chinatown.
Simmons ranks the dance floor takeover among the five most iconic scenes of the 70s next to Chinatown and The Godfather.
“I actually think this is one of the 5 most iconic scenes of the 70s.”
craft (craft):
Saturday Night Fever → The Warriors.
The Barracudas fight should have been better compared with The Warriors and other great 70s fight scenes.
“if you're comparing it to movies like the Warriors and some of the great 70s fight scene movies.”
industry (industry):
Saturday Night Fever → Midnight Run.
Network edits of R-rated films were painful; Midnight Run was the worst with 200 swears to remove.
“Midnight Run's the worst one because Bendet Run has like 200 swears in it”
craft (craft):
Saturday Night Fever → Stevie Wonder.
Scenes were shot to Stevie Wonder and Boz Scaggs, not the Bee Gees; the Bee Gees songs came after.
“It was Stevie Wonder and Boz Skaggs, which was what he was dancing.”
theme (theme):
Saturday Night Fever → Goodfellas.
Italian family dinners recur in mafia movies; Goodfellas has the visit to mother after the body scene.
lineage (lineage):
Saturday Night Fever → Staying Alive.
The sequel; the hosts agree it is a bad one but Simmons is glad it exists and thinks it did not ruin the original.
fun, about
Gazzo's driver:
Best that guy award goes to Gazzo's driver, who also gets the 'take her to the zoo' line; Bill and his dad used the license plate joke for 20 years.
fun, about
Friday Night Lights (2004 film):
Coach Gaines lying that Boobie will be fine, never getting an MRI: the hottest take is that he is a bad coach.
fun, about
Joe's dad (the opening scene):
The panel invents a new category blaming Joe's dad: a cheap lock on the storm shelter door, and he should have just let go.
fun, about
Twister (most 1996 thing):
A one-off category inspired by the 1999 episode: options include no internet, the Dodge Ram, no Oklahoma City Thunder references, and Helen Hunt's hair.
fun, about
Aunt Meg's kitchen scene:
Chris's favorite scene: steak and eggs, gravy and Aunt Meg, setting her up so the crew later saves her; Bill singles out the gravy and 8 coffees to go.
fun, about
Philip Seymour Hoffman:
In an early lawn-chair scene Hoffman lifts his leg laughing and a split second of exposure was edited from later DVD and VHS releases.
“you can see his genitals for a split 2nd that they had to edit out of future DH DVD and VHS releases.”
fun, about
Wakita, Oklahoma:
The real town was used; houses were bought and demolished; there is a Twister Museum there that Paxton helped stock with memorabilia.
fun, about
Luke Wilson:
Craig's hot take from a prior episode, that Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford, now has the hottest-take award renamed after him.
“So the CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford, hottest take award.”
fun, about
The War of the Roses:
Deleted scenes on YouTube include the indoor garden before he saws off her heels, and a heater scene explaining why everyone is sweaty.
fun, about
Richard Gere:
Gere's best performance, with An Officer and a Gentleman; he is shown as a villain who is still charismatic enough to root for.
“I think this is his best performance in a movie.”
fun, about
Billy Baldwin:
The comeback-to-flop arc is told with an NFL analogy: Hollywood gave him a four-year window like Kenny Pickett on the Steelers.
fun, about
Roger Ebert:
The running Ebert bit: no review found, but At the Movies with Siskel, where both loved it and Ebert called it a movie about personalities.
fun, about
Richard Gere:
The taco-stand scene wins the new Rick Dalton Award for best acting; the line is 'I'm married, you're married, we're married.'
“I would like to introduce a new award to the rewatchables.”
fun, about
Tova Arocus:
A hot take: Tova, the wife, is the real villain because she prompts the killing of her husband's parents, sleeps with Peck, then pays Peck to kill her husband.
fun, about
Al Pacino:
Pacino is in three late-90s dances with over-the-top; his Any Given Sunday inch-by-inch speech is called all time in a terrible movie, carrying it like LeBron.
“The Inch's speech is all time for me and that movie's terrible and he's carrying it like LeBron carried the 2007 caps.”
fun, about
The Insider:
The golf range scene: a henchman stares Wigand down after each swing until he grabs the 5 iron; the hosts rate the henchman a 9.5 swinger and Crowe a 4.
fun, about
Bruce McGill:
Bruce McGill's courtroom outburst, 'Wipe that smirk off your face,' wins the Dion Waiters award and is a triple-crown candidate.
“This is not North Carolina, not South Carolina, nor Kentucky.”
fun, about
The Insider:
Title brainstorm: a better title might have been The Whistleblower or Cigarette Burns; Thank You for Smoking is cited as a title that tells you the subject.
“It just needed to have an element of danger to it.”
fun, about
The Insider:
The Knicks 'semifinals' line in the car scene draws a long riff on how nobody says semifinals; conference finals, since the Knicks were in the NBA finals that year.
fun, about
The Insider:
Apex Mountain: the golfing henchman, Bruce McGill and Plummer; Plummer's is probably The Sound of Music; Mann's apex may be getting this movie made 34 years after Heat.
fun, about
The Big Chill:
JoBeth Williams: for the Costner scene they rented a big house in Atlanta and installed bead curtains, rock posters, incense and 1968 Life magazines.
“they rented a big house in Atlanta and installed bead curtains, rock posters, incense, and 1968 life magazines”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Lillo Brancato Jr.:
The film's big line about wasted talent became Brancato's real life: found out of thousands of kids, he was doing drugs while shooting, later jailed after a robbery in which an off-duty cop died; the New York Post headline said 'wasted talent'.
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Chazz Palminteri:
Palminteri refused to sell his one-man show unless he played Sonny, the Stallone-Rocky bet on himself. He was 40; De Niro offered to direct and play Lorenzo. He still tours the one-man show every year.
“Yeah, this was also a famous Hollywood success story where Chaz Palmentari. There's a one-man show.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
The door test: Sonny's rule that if a girl does not reach over and unlock your car door, dump her fast. It now fails because there are no pull-up knobs, and the hosts also debate the Mario test.
“The door test is now defunct because we don't have buttons that you pull up and down?”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Lessons from the movie, the show's rare lessons segment: better to be feared than loved (Machiavelli in prison), trouble is a cancer, nobody cares, a rat is the lowest thing, and three great women. 'Nobody cares' voted best.
“I would say the best, greatest lesson from this movie is probably the nobody cares.”
fun, about
Bill Simmons / TV channels:
Simmons pitches a prison-movie channel called Bars (B-A-R-Z) running Shawshank, Escape from Alcatraz, Oz and Orange Is the New Black; a gambling-movie channel is also pitched for FanDuel TV.
“I always wanted an all-jail movie channel called Bars, B-A-R-Z.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Best quote: 'The saddest thing in life is wasted talent', delivered by Coach Finstock-style line; it also resurfaces as the 'best quote' of the episode.
“Best quote, saddest thing in life is wasted talent.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale casting:
Casting what-ifs: Kathrine Narducci brought her nine-year-old to audition for Calogero; Frank Vincent was to play a boss but the scene was cut; Philip Garbarino lost the C role to Brancato and played Sonny's killer.
“And he lost out to our guy Lola Broncado Jr. for the role.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Eddie Mush:
They could not find anyone to play Eddie Mush, so they cast the real Eddie Mush, Eddie Montenero; on the first day it rained and they could not film. Mush is now gambling slang ('he's gonna mush me').
“they ended up finding the real Eddie Mush, and his name is Eddie Montenero.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / De Niro:
Trivia: De Niro got a Class B commercial driver's license for the role; he tried in Boston and they would not let him. Hosts also note people think Rob Schneider is in the biker fight.
“And then De Niro did get his commercial driver's license, Class B, and he tried to get it in Boston and they wouldn't let him.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Apex Mountain:
Apex Mountain calls: crap scenes, bus drivers (this or Speed), racists burned alive (this or Django Unchained), Palminteri (this or Usual Suspects), Broncado yes, Pesci no, and Kathrine Narducci no.
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Satan's Messenger scene:
Biker bar fight: would out-of-shape Italians really beat a biker gang? Ryan says gangsters have the fighting equivalent of dad strength; proposed sequel is Hell's Angels vs. the Mafia Battle Royale.
“I feel like gangsters have the fighting equivalent of dad strength”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Is this movie better: Bill adds Frank Vincent to the candidates list (Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Catherine Keener, Steve Buscemi, Sam Jackson, J.T. Walsh, Philip Baker Hall).
fun, about
My Cousin Vinny:
Film's famous breakdown: the real difference between Jack Palance and the frozen envelope conspiracies in Tomei's Oscar win.
“I believe the David Stern thing, the frozen envelope way more than the Jack Palance.”
fun, about
Austin Pendleton:
Said in 2022 he regrets playing the stuttering lawyer after letters from the stuttering community; hosts say the device was low.