Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
Their claims
Showing 1,201–1,295 of 1,295 claims.
industry (industry):
Reality Bites → Beautiful Girls.
Stiller could not clear Kiss's Beth; two years later Beautiful Girls got it.
“And what's weird is 2 years later, beautiful girls got the rights to the sun.”
lineage (genre lineage):
Old School → Animal House.
Old School is the latest in a frat-movie cycle that returns every 10 to 15 years, starting with Animal House.
“It is in keeping with the kind of every 10 to 15 years frat movie that we now get.”
craft (shared structural flaw):
Old School → Back to School.
The late competition-element plot is a flaw borrowed from Back to School and also seen in Stripes' war.
“when it starts to become too much like back to school, you know, where there's like a competition element to it.”
lineage (genre lineage):
Animal House → Old School.
Animal House started the habit of a winnable conflict set-piece that comedies copied for ten years, and Old School revived it.
“I think Animal House started it and then the next 10 years of comedy is ripped off”
theme (location reuse):
Old School → Back to the Future.
The house used as the frat house in Pasadena also appeared in Back to the Future, Back to the Future Part II, and Teen Wolf.
theme (repeated persona):
Luke Wilson → Bottle Rocket.
His doe-eyed innocent persona in Bottle Rocket recurs in Charlie's Angels, Legally Blonde, and Old School.
“He's very good in bottle rocket because he plays this kind of doe eye, innocent type”
unmapped (shared line):
Old School → The Godfather.
Old School features the characters calling Luke Wilson 'Godfather'; the host also notes the Godfather timeline.
lineage (mentor-style lineage):
Todd Phillips → Ivan Reitman.
Phillips' skill of picking people at the right time is something Bill says he learned from Reitman.
“clearly he learned that from Ivan Reitman, who was amazing at that in the 70s, 80s, and 90s.”
people (casting against type):
Taken → First Blood.
Both worked because the actor had not done this kind of role before, so it felt like a genuine surprise.
“I think with Liam Neeson, it's the same thing. Where it's just like, he's, this was a guy who was in like Woody Allen movies.”
theme (five-word plot):
The Grey → Taken.
Neeson's later action films each fit the five-words-or-less 5 o'clocker test: The Grey, Non-Stop, The Commuter.
unmapped (surprising detail):
Taken → Beverly Hills Cop.
Taken's line about forgetting the weight of a gun is the kind of never-seen-before detail, like Beverly Hills Cop's gum wrapper trick.
“Remember in Beverly Hills cop when they break in the house and he uses the gum wrapper to like disarm the center on the window.”
career (career retrofit):
Liam Neeson → Love Actually.
Neeson's pre-Taken IMDb all got retrofit, even his Love Actually character reads as Brian Mills.
people (writer blamed):
Luc Besson → Taken.
U2 as the band that two teenagers would lie for is blamed on the writers, Besson and someone else, who had no feel for kids.
“It was written by Luke Bassan and somebody else, who clearly didn't have a feel for what little kids like.”
lineage (sequel quality):
Taken 2 → John Wick: Chapter 2.
Simmons says Taken 2 is not the case where the sequel is arguably better than the first, as John Wick 2 is.
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.”
what-if (casting what-if):
Jeff Bridges → Liam Neeson.
Jeff Bridges was the first choice for Brian but dropped out because it was too physical, paving the way for Neeson.
unmapped (overacting):
Alive → Taken.
Simmons's overacting category is nearly named after a guy in Alive, prompted by the sex club manager's performance in Taken.
“there's an overacting guy in that, that was like the quintessential. I almost want to name the category after him.”
industry (streaming revival):
Taken → To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
Netflix revives mid-budget genres theaters stopped making, such as rom-coms, and could do the same for Taken-style action.
“what if we get a string of taken style movies on Netflix?”
unmapped (kidnapping untapped):
Kidnap → Ransom.
Simmons asks about Ransom as another kidnapping movie streamers could remake; Serrano is out on Mel Gibson.
industry (same studio campaign):
Leonardo DiCaprio → Blood Diamond.
Leo was campaigned for Blood Diamond instead of The Departed because one studio made both.
“Leo got nominated for Blood Diamond because the same studio did Blood Diamond and the Departed.”
unmapped (star clash):
The Departed → Heat.
The Nicholson-DiCaprio scene echoes the Pacino-De Niro anticipation of their Heat scene, though with less weight.
“it was like this anticipation of Pacino and De Niro finally being in a scene together.”
people (third collaboration):
Martin Scorsese → Leonardo DiCaprio.
Leo took the movie seriously partly because this was his third film with Scorsese and his chops were not yet proven.
“Martin Scorsese directed me for the 3rd time, and I'm having a good career, but I haven't really proven my chops yet.”
what-if (casting what-if):
Jack Nicholson → Al Pacino.
Pacino was first choice for Costello and Simmons thinks he would have been better, though over the top.
unmapped (passed the part):
Brad Pitt → Matt Damon.
Pitt dropped out of the Damon role and produced; Damon later passed Manchester by the Sea to Casey Affleck in a similar gesture.
“Matt Damon later paying it forward in that same way, giving Casey Affleck, Manchester.”
unmapped (repeated song):
The Departed → Casino.
Scorsese used Gimme Shelter a third time here after Goodfellas and Casino, which they find funny and a sign of his Stones fetish.
contrast (contrast):
The Departed → Robbie Robertson.
A host says that for the fee a name like Robertson commands, the Departed soundtrack should beat classic-radio picks like Gimme Shelter.
“you could do better than every classic radio station in America”
unmapped (signature obsessions):
Martin Scorsese → Robert De Niro.
Simmons sums up Scorsese as loving De Niro, the Stones, and people getting hit over the head with a glass in a bar.
“He loved Bob De Niro, called him Bob, the stones, and people getting hit over the head in a bar with a glass.”
people (that guy):
Mark Boone Junior → The Shawshank Redemption.
Delahunt is played by Boggs from Shawshank, who led the sisters and became forever known for that role.
“Boggs from Shawshank has a key role in this movie.”
unmapped (dropped out for):
Leonardo DiCaprio → The Good Shepherd.
Leo left The Good Shepherd to do The Departed, and De Niro turned down Sheen's part to do it.
“Leo dropped out of the Good Shepherd to do the departed.”
unmapped (Boston geography):
The Departed → Blown Away.
Blown Away has its own violations of Boston geography, like a downhill chase for fifteen blocks and a Four Seasons view that does not exist.
“Blown away with Jeff Bridges, which has its own just severe violations of Boston.”
unmapped (Hannibal Lecter part):
Jack Nicholson → A Few Good Men.
A role like Costello, like Jessup or Lecter, is a home-run part that should get a supporting actor nod.
“This was like the Hannibal Lecter, that even the Jessup and Fugon man.”
unmapped (fun villain):
The Silence of the Lambs → Manhunter.
Hopkins makes Lecter delightful so Silence is rewatched more than the terrifying Manhunter, an argument Simmons uses to defend a fun Costello.
“I watch Signs of the Lambs, more than Manhunter, partially because Anthony Hopkins is like almost delightful to watch, whereas Brian Cox is just terrifying in Manhunter.”
unmapped (flaws make it rewatchable):
The Departed → Cast Away.
Simmons likes movies with questions to chew on, like Cast Away, which he can talk about for an hour.
contrast (contrast):
Steven Spielberg → Michael Mann.
Mann is fastidious and obsessed; Spielberg is all over the place, childlike wonder one film, Oscar bait the next.
“And Spielberg's just kind of all over the place and it's like, oh, the wonder, the childish wonder.”
people (people):
Catch Me If You Can → This Boy's Life.
Leo in Catch Me If You Can is the most the speaker has liked him, other than maybe This Boy's Life and Titanic.
fun, about
Gazzo's driver:
Best that guy award goes to Gazzo's driver, who also gets the 'take her to the zoo' line; Bill and his dad used the license plate joke for 20 years.
fun, about
Friday Night Lights (2004 film):
Coach Gaines lying that Boobie will be fine, never getting an MRI: the hottest take is that he is a bad coach.
fun, about
Joe's dad (the opening scene):
The panel invents a new category blaming Joe's dad: a cheap lock on the storm shelter door, and he should have just let go.
fun, about
Twister (most 1996 thing):
A one-off category inspired by the 1999 episode: options include no internet, the Dodge Ram, no Oklahoma City Thunder references, and Helen Hunt's hair.
fun, about
Aunt Meg's kitchen scene:
Chris's favorite scene: steak and eggs, gravy and Aunt Meg, setting her up so the crew later saves her; Bill singles out the gravy and 8 coffees to go.
fun, about
Philip Seymour Hoffman:
In an early lawn-chair scene Hoffman lifts his leg laughing and a split second of exposure was edited from later DVD and VHS releases.
“you can see his genitals for a split 2nd that they had to edit out of future DH DVD and VHS releases.”
fun, about
Wakita, Oklahoma:
The real town was used; houses were bought and demolished; there is a Twister Museum there that Paxton helped stock with memorabilia.
fun, about
Luke Wilson:
Craig's hot take from a prior episode, that Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford, now has the hottest-take award renamed after him.
“So the CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford, hottest take award.”
fun, about
The War of the Roses:
Deleted scenes on YouTube include the indoor garden before he saws off her heels, and a heater scene explaining why everyone is sweaty.
fun, about
Richard Gere:
Gere's best performance, with An Officer and a Gentleman; he is shown as a villain who is still charismatic enough to root for.
“I think this is his best performance in a movie.”
fun, about
Billy Baldwin:
The comeback-to-flop arc is told with an NFL analogy: Hollywood gave him a four-year window like Kenny Pickett on the Steelers.
fun, about
Roger Ebert:
The running Ebert bit: no review found, but At the Movies with Siskel, where both loved it and Ebert called it a movie about personalities.
fun, about
Richard Gere:
The taco-stand scene wins the new Rick Dalton Award for best acting; the line is 'I'm married, you're married, we're married.'
“I would like to introduce a new award to the rewatchables.”
fun, about
Tova Arocus:
A hot take: Tova, the wife, is the real villain because she prompts the killing of her husband's parents, sleeps with Peck, then pays Peck to kill her husband.
fun, about
Al Pacino:
Pacino is in three late-90s dances with over-the-top; his Any Given Sunday inch-by-inch speech is called all time in a terrible movie, carrying it like LeBron.
“The Inch's speech is all time for me and that movie's terrible and he's carrying it like LeBron carried the 2007 caps.”
fun, about
The Insider:
The golf range scene: a henchman stares Wigand down after each swing until he grabs the 5 iron; the hosts rate the henchman a 9.5 swinger and Crowe a 4.
fun, about
Bruce McGill:
Bruce McGill's courtroom outburst, 'Wipe that smirk off your face,' wins the Dion Waiters award and is a triple-crown candidate.
“This is not North Carolina, not South Carolina, nor Kentucky.”
fun, about
The Insider:
Title brainstorm: a better title might have been The Whistleblower or Cigarette Burns; Thank You for Smoking is cited as a title that tells you the subject.
“It just needed to have an element of danger to it.”
fun, about
The Insider:
The Knicks 'semifinals' line in the car scene draws a long riff on how nobody says semifinals; conference finals, since the Knicks were in the NBA finals that year.
fun, about
The Insider:
Apex Mountain: the golfing henchman, Bruce McGill and Plummer; Plummer's is probably The Sound of Music; Mann's apex may be getting this movie made 34 years after Heat.
fun, about
The Big Chill:
JoBeth Williams: for the Costner scene they rented a big house in Atlanta and installed bead curtains, rock posters, incense and 1968 Life magazines.
“they rented a big house in Atlanta and installed bead curtains, rock posters, incense, and 1968 life magazines”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Lillo Brancato Jr.:
The film's big line about wasted talent became Brancato's real life: found out of thousands of kids, he was doing drugs while shooting, later jailed after a robbery in which an off-duty cop died; the New York Post headline said 'wasted talent'.
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Chazz Palminteri:
Palminteri refused to sell his one-man show unless he played Sonny, the Stallone-Rocky bet on himself. He was 40; De Niro offered to direct and play Lorenzo. He still tours the one-man show every year.
“Yeah, this was also a famous Hollywood success story where Chaz Palmentari. There's a one-man show.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
The door test: Sonny's rule that if a girl does not reach over and unlock your car door, dump her fast. It now fails because there are no pull-up knobs, and the hosts also debate the Mario test.
“The door test is now defunct because we don't have buttons that you pull up and down?”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Lessons from the movie, the show's rare lessons segment: better to be feared than loved (Machiavelli in prison), trouble is a cancer, nobody cares, a rat is the lowest thing, and three great women. 'Nobody cares' voted best.
“I would say the best, greatest lesson from this movie is probably the nobody cares.”
fun, about
Bill Simmons / TV channels:
Simmons pitches a prison-movie channel called Bars (B-A-R-Z) running Shawshank, Escape from Alcatraz, Oz and Orange Is the New Black; a gambling-movie channel is also pitched for FanDuel TV.
“I always wanted an all-jail movie channel called Bars, B-A-R-Z.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Best quote: 'The saddest thing in life is wasted talent', delivered by Coach Finstock-style line; it also resurfaces as the 'best quote' of the episode.
“Best quote, saddest thing in life is wasted talent.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale casting:
Casting what-ifs: Kathrine Narducci brought her nine-year-old to audition for Calogero; Frank Vincent was to play a boss but the scene was cut; Philip Garbarino lost the C role to Brancato and played Sonny's killer.
“And he lost out to our guy Lola Broncado Jr. for the role.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Eddie Mush:
They could not find anyone to play Eddie Mush, so they cast the real Eddie Mush, Eddie Montenero; on the first day it rained and they could not film. Mush is now gambling slang ('he's gonna mush me').
“they ended up finding the real Eddie Mush, and his name is Eddie Montenero.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / De Niro:
Trivia: De Niro got a Class B commercial driver's license for the role; he tried in Boston and they would not let him. Hosts also note people think Rob Schneider is in the biker fight.
“And then De Niro did get his commercial driver's license, Class B, and he tried to get it in Boston and they wouldn't let him.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Apex Mountain:
Apex Mountain calls: crap scenes, bus drivers (this or Speed), racists burned alive (this or Django Unchained), Palminteri (this or Usual Suspects), Broncado yes, Pesci no, and Kathrine Narducci no.
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Satan's Messenger scene:
Biker bar fight: would out-of-shape Italians really beat a biker gang? Ryan says gangsters have the fighting equivalent of dad strength; proposed sequel is Hell's Angels vs. the Mafia Battle Royale.
“I feel like gangsters have the fighting equivalent of dad strength”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Is this movie better: Bill adds Frank Vincent to the candidates list (Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Catherine Keener, Steve Buscemi, Sam Jackson, J.T. Walsh, Philip Baker Hall).
fun, about
My Cousin Vinny:
Film's famous breakdown: the real difference between Jack Palance and the frozen envelope conspiracies in Tomei's Oscar win.
“I believe the David Stern thing, the frozen envelope way more than the Jack Palance.”
fun, about
Austin Pendleton:
Said in 2022 he regrets playing the stuttering lawyer after letters from the stuttering community; hosts say the device was low.