Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
Their claims
Showing 1,201–1,295 of 1,295 claims.
industry (industry):
Reality Bites → Beautiful Girls.
Stiller could not clear Kiss's Beth; two years later Beautiful Girls got it.
“And what's weird is 2 years later, beautiful girls got the rights to the sun.”
lineage (genre lineage):
Old School → Animal House.
Old School is the latest in a frat-movie cycle that returns every 10 to 15 years, starting with Animal House.
“It is in keeping with the kind of every 10 to 15 years frat movie that we now get.”
craft (shared structural flaw):
Old School → Back to School.
The late competition-element plot is a flaw borrowed from Back to School and also seen in Stripes' war.
“when it starts to become too much like back to school, you know, where there's like a competition element to it.”
lineage (genre lineage):
Animal House → Old School.
Animal House started the habit of a winnable conflict set-piece that comedies copied for ten years, and Old School revived it.
“I think Animal House started it and then the next 10 years of comedy is ripped off”
theme (location reuse):
Old School → Back to the Future.
The house used as the frat house in Pasadena also appeared in Back to the Future, Back to the Future Part II, and Teen Wolf.
theme (repeated persona):
Luke Wilson → Bottle Rocket.
His doe-eyed innocent persona in Bottle Rocket recurs in Charlie's Angels, Legally Blonde, and Old School.
“He's very good in bottle rocket because he plays this kind of doe eye, innocent type”
unmapped (shared line):
Old School → The Godfather.
Old School features the characters calling Luke Wilson 'Godfather'; the host also notes the Godfather timeline.
lineage (mentor-style lineage):
Todd Phillips → Ivan Reitman.
Phillips' skill of picking people at the right time is something Bill says he learned from Reitman.
“clearly he learned that from Ivan Reitman, who was amazing at that in the 70s, 80s, and 90s.”
people (casting against type):
Taken → First Blood.
Both worked because the actor had not done this kind of role before, so it felt like a genuine surprise.
“I think with Liam Neeson, it's the same thing. Where it's just like, he's, this was a guy who was in like Woody Allen movies.”
theme (five-word plot):
The Grey → Taken.
Neeson's later action films each fit the five-words-or-less 5 o'clocker test: The Grey, Non-Stop, The Commuter.
unmapped (surprising detail):
Taken → Beverly Hills Cop.
Taken's line about forgetting the weight of a gun is the kind of never-seen-before detail, like Beverly Hills Cop's gum wrapper trick.
“Remember in Beverly Hills cop when they break in the house and he uses the gum wrapper to like disarm the center on the window.”
career (career retrofit):
Liam Neeson → Love Actually.
Neeson's pre-Taken IMDb all got retrofit, even his Love Actually character reads as Brian Mills.
people (writer blamed):
Luc Besson → Taken.
U2 as the band that two teenagers would lie for is blamed on the writers, Besson and someone else, who had no feel for kids.
“It was written by Luke Bassan and somebody else, who clearly didn't have a feel for what little kids like.”
lineage (sequel quality):
Taken 2 → John Wick: Chapter 2.
Simmons says Taken 2 is not the case where the sequel is arguably better than the first, as John Wick 2 is.
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.”
what-if (casting what-if):
Jeff Bridges → Liam Neeson.
Jeff Bridges was the first choice for Brian but dropped out because it was too physical, paving the way for Neeson.
unmapped (overacting):
Alive → Taken.
Simmons's overacting category is nearly named after a guy in Alive, prompted by the sex club manager's performance in Taken.
“there's an overacting guy in that, that was like the quintessential. I almost want to name the category after him.”
industry (streaming revival):
Taken → To All the Boys I've Loved Before.
Netflix revives mid-budget genres theaters stopped making, such as rom-coms, and could do the same for Taken-style action.
“what if we get a string of taken style movies on Netflix?”
unmapped (kidnapping untapped):
Kidnap → Ransom.
Simmons asks about Ransom as another kidnapping movie streamers could remake; Serrano is out on Mel Gibson.
industry (same studio campaign):
Leonardo DiCaprio → Blood Diamond.
Leo was campaigned for Blood Diamond instead of The Departed because one studio made both.
“Leo got nominated for Blood Diamond because the same studio did Blood Diamond and the Departed.”
unmapped (star clash):
The Departed → Heat.
The Nicholson-DiCaprio scene echoes the Pacino-De Niro anticipation of their Heat scene, though with less weight.
“it was like this anticipation of Pacino and De Niro finally being in a scene together.”
people (third collaboration):
Martin Scorsese → Leonardo DiCaprio.
Leo took the movie seriously partly because this was his third film with Scorsese and his chops were not yet proven.
“Martin Scorsese directed me for the 3rd time, and I'm having a good career, but I haven't really proven my chops yet.”
what-if (casting what-if):
Jack Nicholson → Al Pacino.
Pacino was first choice for Costello and Simmons thinks he would have been better, though over the top.
unmapped (passed the part):
Brad Pitt → Matt Damon.
Pitt dropped out of the Damon role and produced; Damon later passed Manchester by the Sea to Casey Affleck in a similar gesture.
“Matt Damon later paying it forward in that same way, giving Casey Affleck, Manchester.”
unmapped (repeated song):
The Departed → Casino.
Scorsese used Gimme Shelter a third time here after Goodfellas and Casino, which they find funny and a sign of his Stones fetish.
contrast (contrast):
The Departed → Robbie Robertson.
A host says that for the fee a name like Robertson commands, the Departed soundtrack should beat classic-radio picks like Gimme Shelter.
“you could do better than every classic radio station in America”
unmapped (signature obsessions):
Martin Scorsese → Robert De Niro.
Simmons sums up Scorsese as loving De Niro, the Stones, and people getting hit over the head with a glass in a bar.
“He loved Bob De Niro, called him Bob, the stones, and people getting hit over the head in a bar with a glass.”
people (that guy):
Mark Boone Junior → The Shawshank Redemption.
Delahunt is played by Boggs from Shawshank, who led the sisters and became forever known for that role.
“Boggs from Shawshank has a key role in this movie.”
unmapped (dropped out for):
Leonardo DiCaprio → The Good Shepherd.
Leo left The Good Shepherd to do The Departed, and De Niro turned down Sheen's part to do it.
“Leo dropped out of the Good Shepherd to do the departed.”
unmapped (Boston geography):
The Departed → Blown Away.
Blown Away has its own violations of Boston geography, like a downhill chase for fifteen blocks and a Four Seasons view that does not exist.
“Blown away with Jeff Bridges, which has its own just severe violations of Boston.”
unmapped (Hannibal Lecter part):
Jack Nicholson → A Few Good Men.
A role like Costello, like Jessup or Lecter, is a home-run part that should get a supporting actor nod.
“This was like the Hannibal Lecter, that even the Jessup and Fugon man.”
unmapped (fun villain):
The Silence of the Lambs → Manhunter.
Hopkins makes Lecter delightful so Silence is rewatched more than the terrifying Manhunter, an argument Simmons uses to defend a fun Costello.
“I watch Signs of the Lambs, more than Manhunter, partially because Anthony Hopkins is like almost delightful to watch, whereas Brian Cox is just terrifying in Manhunter.”
unmapped (flaws make it rewatchable):
The Departed → Cast Away.
Simmons likes movies with questions to chew on, like Cast Away, which he can talk about for an hour.
contrast (contrast):
Steven Spielberg → Michael Mann.
Mann is fastidious and obsessed; Spielberg is all over the place, childlike wonder one film, Oscar bait the next.
“And Spielberg's just kind of all over the place and it's like, oh, the wonder, the childish wonder.”
people (people):
Catch Me If You Can → This Boy's Life.
Leo in Catch Me If You Can is the most the speaker has liked him, other than maybe This Boy's Life and Titanic.
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Trivia: the license plate 2GAT123 is apparently the license-plate equivalent of the 555 phone number, appearing in other LA stories.
“is apparently the license plate equivalent of the 555 phone number.”
fun, about
Brigitte Nielsen:
Nielsen, who had affairs with Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Tony Scott, Mark Gastineau and Flavor Flav, is called a rainbow of romances.
fun, about
Beverly Hills Cop II:
Double-feature style pitch: Axel is brought to LA as a consultant on a cop movie and discovers it is laundering drug money. Simmons adds Don Simpson with a giant pile of cocaine.
“Then we could have just had Don Simpson in the movie with a giant pile of cocaine.”
fun, about
Robert Altman:
Studio offered full financing if Altman got a bigger star than Tim Robbins; he told them off and self-financed, hence Spelling Entertainment in the credits.
“Altman was offered full studio financing of the player if he had a bigger star than Tim Robbins, and Altman said, fuck you”
fun, about
The Player cameos:
Altman got 65 celebrities to do cameos by saying only that it was about an executive who murders a screenwriter and gets away with it.
“I only told them, I'm making a film about a studio executive who murders the screenwriter and get away, gets away with it, and they all wanted to be in it.”
fun, about
The Player opening shot:
The 7:47 opening tracking shot took 15 takes and they used the 10th; it holds the Buck Henry Graduate II pitch and the meta quiet-on-the-set start.
“The opening scene, 7 minutes, 47 seconds, 15 takes were required.”
fun, about
Habeas Corpus (inside The Player):
The pitch is no stars, an unknown cast and a depressing ending; a year later it stars Julia Roberts and Bruce Willis with a happy ending.
fun, about
Sydney Pollack:
Sydney Pollack in suspenders and no shirt in Eyes Wide Shut is the text-thread photo and the energy Bill says he strives for.
fun, about
Vincent D'Onofrio and Greta Scacchi:
Six degrees: their daughter Leila George married Sean Penn, whom Tim Robbins directed in Dead Man Walking.
“They have a daughter named Leila George, who's married to Sean Penn.”
fun, about
Greta Scacchi:
Scacchi refused nudity after Presumed Innocent, so the sex scene is shot from the neck up; Cynthia Stevenson's nude hot tub scene is the counterpoint.
“Skocky said no nudity. So that was why they filmed the sex scene from the neck up.”
fun, about
Die Hard 2:
Most rewatchable scene: McClane fights two guys in a restricted baggage area, a cluttered multi-room fight setup nobody does anymore.
“John fights 2 guys in a security restricted baggage area.”
fun, about
Die Hard 2:
Most rewatchable: Carmine Lorenzo meets McClane and is unimpressed by the Nakatomi hero; the hosts joke about the Sully equivalent.
“Yeah, we're not at the Nakatomi building anymore, McQueen.”
fun, about
Die Hard 2:
The plane crash is the craziest, most horrifying scene in action movies and why the hosts hadn't done the movie; memorable, not rewatchable.
“I wouldn't call it rewatchable, more like memorable”
fun, about
Die Hard 2:
Christmas movie debate: Simmons holds firm that Die Hard and Die Hard 2 are not Christmas movies; the others say this captures holiday travel anxiety.
“In my heart of hearts, it's not a Christmas movie.”
fun, about
Will Smith:
On the Oscars: Bill says the first 2.5 hours were boring but the slap was the most must-see TV in five years; Kimmel compared it to Tyson biting Holyfield's ear.
“as soon as that happened, that was the most must see TV thing that has happened in, what, 5 years?”
fun, about
David Fincher:
Fincher's lessons from Panic Room: don't shoot 100 days in one place; he ended up two years in thinking nothing was worth it.
fun, about
Jodie Foster:
The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane (1976) is one of the five craziest movies you could ever rewatch; there's a dead person in the basement.
“which is one of the 5 craziest movies you could ever rewatch.”
fun, about
Panic Room:
Nicole Kidman was first cast as Meg, hurt her knee, and Foster replaced her on a week's notice because her Flora Plum shut down; then Foster got pregnant and production stopped again, which is why it took two years.
fun, about
Panic Room:
Bill reads Roger Ebert's three-star review (Fincher a visual virtuoso, Foster spellbinding) and asks why not 3.5; the Ebert running gag.
fun, about
Panic Room:
Most rewatchable scene candidates: robbers show up, Jody finds out they're in the house, Jody gets her phone (slow-mo), Leto screws up the safe talk, the switcheroo, the propane-tank sequence.
fun, about
Panic Room:
Bearer bonds explainer: bill Googles it; bonds are owned by whoever holds them, so they're 'the original Bitcoin' and a lazy heist-movie staple.
fun, about
Forest Whitaker:
Bill calls him 'the Jeff Green of actors' because of his baffling career: Oscar winner who is also in Taken 3, ER, and a Fast Times linebacker.
fun, about
Forest Whitaker:
He passed on directing Panic Room, wanting to act in it; he was prepping First Daughter, starring Katie Holmes, which he directed.
“He also directed 1st daughter starring Katie Holmes.”
fun, about
Dwight Yoakam:
Casting what-if: Maynard from Tool was first choice for Raoul, the greatest what-if in Rewatchables history; Yoakam was number two.
fun, about
Panic Room:
Kristen Stewart grew more than three inches during shooting, towering over Foster; Bill wants a database of child actors who grew mid-production.
“Kristen Stewart grew more than 3 inches during the filming.”
fun, about
Panic Room:
Craig asks about SOS flashlight signaling; leads to Kitty Genovese and the bystander effect and the Halloween neighbor who won't help Jamie Lee.
fun, about
Miracle:
Simmons listened to the Sweden game on a clock radio; the broadcast was tape delayed and he overheard the score in a grocery store.
“I swear to God, in my room, in Brooklyn, Massachusetts, I listened to us tie the Sweden game on my clock radio.”
fun, about
Al Michaels:
Michaels re-recorded his narration so the third act is narrated by him; his real last ten seconds call is higher and more excited.
fun, about
Bill Simmons:
Simmons's 2004 ESPN The Magazine column was rewritten by editors because Disney owned both; the new ending was 'by the way, I'm seeing it on Friday.'
“You can't, like, trash the idea of the movie in your column.”
fun, about
Father of the Bride (most rewatchable scene):
Annie announces she is getting married at the first family dinner. It sets up all the dynamics, and Steve Martin's expressions and Diane Keaton's welling-up are the payoff.
“it's got to be that 1st family dinner scene because it sets up all of the dynamics of the movie and everybody's very funny in it.”
fun, about
Kieran Culkin:
Best 'what ages the best': a child Kieran Culkin in the dinner scene whose face already looks like Roman Roy. Simmons and wife waited for the 8-year-old equivalent of a dick pic scene.
“It is so fucking hilarious to watch this and think that kid's going to be Roman Roy.”
fun, about
San Marino:
Both hosts give San Marino, the film's suburb, a best-aged vote; Simmons says it is a secret like Fight Club, with old-school drugstores with ice cream sundaes. The house exteriors are actually in Pasadena.
fun, about
Father of the Bride (basketball scene):
The kid montage into the father-daughter basketball scene set to a Darlene Love song. Simmons grades it an eight against Teen Wolf's one, and notes dads do not play one-on-one with a 5-foot-2 daughter.
“So if that's a one, this is like an eight, I would say.”
fun, about
Phoebe Cates:
Casting what-if: Phoebe Cates was offered Annie Banks but was pregnant. Simmons says she and Demi Moore would have split the Demi Moore parts.
“Phoebe Cates. Offered the role of Annie Banks. had to turn it down because she was pregnant.”
fun, about
George Newbern:
Best That Guy (Joey Pants Award) debate: Brian the son-in-law is George Newbern, who has hundreds of credits and over 350 audiobook credits on Audible as of September 2020. Simmons gives him the award over B.D. Wong.
“As of September 2020, over 350 credits on Audible.”
fun, about
George Clooney:
Recast-and-catch: George Clooney as the son-in-law, in 1991 Facts of Life mode, which Simmons says would make him a bit more of a threat and make a fun wrinkle.
“I can't believe George Clooney was the son-in-law, just would have been a fun wrinkle.”
fun, about
Tom Irish:
Trivia: an actor debuted in the 1950 Father of the Bride and made his last film appearance in the 1991 remake, playing Ben Banks in both.
fun, about
Father of the Bride (the house):
The house exterior is in Pasadena and the rest is sets or another house; the reception house sold for $1.998 million in August 2016. Fans take photos like at the Michael Myers house.
“It's like the like the Michael Myers house and a bunch of other ones.”