Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
Their claims
Showing 801–900 of 1,295 claims.
theme (era):
Miracle → Remember the Titans.
Both belong to the one-star-on-the-poster era of sports movies from 97 to 05.
“this is from 97 to basically 05, premise, get one big star.”
lineage (remake):
Father of the Bride → Father of the Bride.
The 1991 film remakes the Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor original, and the duo argue the remake anxiety has faded with time.
“there is obviously the original with Spencer Tracy and Elizabeth Taylor, but fine.”
contrast (tonal opposite):
Father of the Bride → Rachel Getting Married.
Rachel Getting Married is the dysfunctional, intense wedding movie; Father of the Bride is the gentle one where everyone ends up loving each other.
“the bizarre version of this is Rachel's getting married.”
people (dad performance):
Father of the Bride → Rachel Getting Married.
The dad in Rachel Getting Married, and the kitchen meltdown scene, is amazing but intense in the opposite way.
unmapped (aged-comedy peers):
The Jerk → Airplane!.
The Jerk is grouped with Airplane and Blues Brothers as all-time bangers that faded as years passed.
“like airplane, Blues Brothers, some of those where they were just like, all kind, all time bangers, and then as the years passed, they've kind of faded”
unmapped (same actress, sexiness as a trait):
The Man with Two Brains → Body Heat.
Kathleen Turner's sexiness is exploited as a trait in both films, an all-time hot performance.
“between that and body heat, all time hot performance by an actress where it's just like the sexiness of the actress is actually a trait they're exploiting in the movie.”
career (career turn):
Baby Boom → Diane Keaton.
Baby Boom was the first time Keaton moved away from Annie Hall and Woody Allen and the Godfather to lead a movie herself.
“it was the 1st time she moved away from Annie Hall, Woody Allen's 70s, Kate Corleone, and it's like, can she actually lead a movie herself and she did?”
unmapped (marriage and directing team):
Nancy Meyers → Charles Shyer.
Husband and wife team who did Baby Boom and both Father of the Bride films, then divorced and she went on to direct Parent Trap and others.
“they were like a husband and wife directing team, and they did Baby Boom, they did Father-Bride, Father-Bride part 2, and then they flip, and she directs Parent trap.”
lineage (remake-distance analogy):
Father of the Bride → Risky Business.
Remaking a film starring the biggest stars of 1982-83 would still have them hanging over it, as Elizabeth Taylor hung over the 1991 remake.
“if you remade risky business, Tom Cruise would hang over that movie.”
unmapped (narration that works):
Father of the Bride → Goodfellas.
Narration is usually a crutch, but it works in Goodfellas and here because the monologue is good and the narration lets George say what he cannot say.
“Narration is usually a crutch and you really, like Goodfellas is a good example of like, narration totally worked.”
unmapped (basketball scene scale):
Father of the Bride → Teen Wolf.
Teen Wolf has the worst basketball scene ever; Father of the Bride's father-daughter scene rates about an eight against its one.
“The worst, the worst basketball scene ever in a movie is in Teen Wolf.”
what-if (casting what-if):
George Clooney → Father of the Bride.
Recasting Brian with 1991 Facts of Life-era Clooney would have made him more of a threat and pulled the focus.
“I'm thinking Moet, Facts of Life, George Clooney, where it's like, he's still boyish.”
people (bookend casting):
Tom Irish → Father of the Bride.
He debuted in the 1950 film and made his last appearance in the 1991 remake, playing Ben Banks in both.
“made his film debut in the father of the bride in 1950, and his last film appearance in this movie, and he played the same character in both Ben Banks.”
theme (character basis):
Martin Short → Kevin Lee.
Short's wedding planner is based on Kevin Lee of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills who helped with Pitt and Aniston's wedding.
“Martin Short portrayed the wedding planner. is the portrayal is based on somebody named Kevin Lee.”
contrast (tonal opposite):
Father of the Bride → Rachel Getting Married.
Apex pick: Father of the Bride is the happy wedding movie, not the one with complete dysfunction.
“not Rachel's getting married where it's just complete dysfunction and people fucking in the basement.”
people (wedding movie exclusion / actor redemption):
Father of the Bride → The Godfather.
Simmons does not count The Godfather as a wedding movie, and says Keaton's performance here makes up for Kay Corleone.
“I don't count the godfather as a wedding movie, even though the wedding is important.”
verdict (best-Martin-movie rival):
Roxanne → Father of the Bride.
Roxanne was a massive movie that people feared he could not pull off, but this is still his best.
“Roxanne was a massive movie. And was a movie that people were not were worried that he was going to pull it off and they did, and it's really good.”
verdict (best-Martin-movie rival):
Parenthood → Father of the Bride.
Some would pick Parenthood as his best because it tried this type of movie first and spun off into a TV show.
“Some people might say parenthood actually, because it's the 1st type of movie that tried to do the stuff they did.”
industry (industry):
Saturday Night Fever → Jaws.
Jaws, Rocky, Star Wars and this film mark the 70s run where pop culture and the business changed direction.
“75, we have Jaws, which creates the summer blockbuster.”
theme (theme):
Saturday Night Fever → Mean Streets.
70s and 80s films tried to capture a city or group; Scorsese did it in Mean Streets with people who are not great either.
“like, you know, mean streets, Scorsese does that.”
contrast (contrast):
Saturday Night Fever → The Sopranos.
Simmons wonders whether the producers knew these men were bad guys, unlike David Chase on The Sopranos.
“I know for the Sopranos, for instance, you know that David Chase knows that these are bad guys”
industry (industry):
Saturday Night Fever → Equus.
Best Actor field that year included Richard Burton in Equus, which Kimmel says is unfair for plays adapted to film.
industry (industry):
Saturday Night Fever → The Goodbye Girl.
Richard Dreyfuss won the Best Actor Oscar over Travolta for The Goodbye Girl; Simmons calls it a do-over.
“And then our winner, Richard Dreyfus and the Goodbye Girl.”
lineage (lineage):
Saturday Night Fever → Mean Streets.
Ebert, read aloud, ties the film to Little Italy as Scorsese saw it in Mean Streets: characters with few aims and no way out.
“it reminds him of New York's Little Italy, as Martin Scorsese saw it”
verdict (verdict):
Saturday Night Fever → Chinatown.
Simmons ranks the dance floor takeover among the five most iconic scenes of the 70s next to Chinatown and The Godfather.
“I actually think this is one of the 5 most iconic scenes of the 70s.”
craft (craft):
Saturday Night Fever → The Warriors.
The Barracudas fight should have been better compared with The Warriors and other great 70s fight scenes.
“if you're comparing it to movies like the Warriors and some of the great 70s fight scene movies.”
industry (industry):
Saturday Night Fever → Midnight Run.
Network edits of R-rated films were painful; Midnight Run was the worst with 200 swears to remove.
“Midnight Run's the worst one because Bendet Run has like 200 swears in it”
craft (craft):
Saturday Night Fever → Stevie Wonder.
Scenes were shot to Stevie Wonder and Boz Scaggs, not the Bee Gees; the Bee Gees songs came after.
“It was Stevie Wonder and Boz Skaggs, which was what he was dancing.”
theme (theme):
Saturday Night Fever → Goodfellas.
Italian family dinners recur in mafia movies; Goodfellas has the visit to mother after the body scene.
lineage (lineage):
Saturday Night Fever → Staying Alive.
The sequel; the hosts agree it is a bad one but Simmons is glad it exists and thinks it did not ruin the original.
fun, about
Friday the 13th:
Bill's mother and stepfather-to-be saw it in a Stamford theater; when Jason rose from the lake a man screamed 'get the fuck out' and ran up the aisle.
“this guy in front of them, stood up, screamed, get the fuck out, and started running out of the theater.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Dinner scene shoot: John Dugan refused to redo 5-hour grandpa makeup, so they shot it all in 30 hours, 100 degrees, rotting food, blackout curtains, cast puking outside. Edwin Neal called it worse than Vietnam.
“filming that scene was the worst time of my life, and I had been in Vietnam with people trying to kill me.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Hot take from Bill: the hitchhiker is scarier than Leatherface, because everyone has met someone fully gone in a bar who wants to show them a knife.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Most 1974 thing: the hitchhiker's Polaroid with flashbulb, 'chain saw' as two words, 'old lady' for a girlfriend, and hitchhikers themselves.
“And then, uh, I think the winner is just hitchhikers.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
The We Slaughter Barbecue sign and the gas station aged best; the real gas station is now a horror-themed barbecue restaurant and motel in Texas.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Facts: 83 minutes, 868 edits, one chainsaw, one outfit, a $60,000 shoot (later $125K budget with promotion); it made $31 million; Ebert gave it 2 stars.
“There are 868 edits and an 83 minute movie, which apparently is a lot.”
fun, about
Franklin:
Bill's 'who we hate' pick: nobody is a worse hang than Franklin; Texas Monthly called him one of the most despicable handicapped people in film, the only one who almost deserves his death.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Only one chainsaw death in the whole movie (Franklin), prompting the joke that it should be Texas Hammer Massacre.
“I mean, in some ways, Texas Hammer Massacre didn't go really the same.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Bill's hottest take: Leatherface was the victim, just defending his property in his own house with a hobby of taxidermy.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Craig's life lesson: the real lesson is don't pick up hitchhikers and always have a full tank; Bill notes the lesson from Miyagi is get gas when you need it.
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Casting what-ifs: Bill's 1974 big-cast version has Jeff Bridges, Rob Reiner (wheelchair), Ron Howard, Penny Marshall and Goldie Hawn as the final girl. The real unknown actors are what makes it work. Cruise or Hanks gag in the van.
“Jeff Bridges, Rob Reiner and Ron Howard, maybe Rob Reiners in the wheelchair.”
fun, about
Gunnar Hansen:
Hansen admitted in his book Chainsaw Confidential that after failed attempts he secretly removed the protective tape from the knife and cut Burns's finger for real; Bill calls it an OSHA violation.
“he secretly removed the protected tape from the knife and cut Marilyn Burns's finger for real.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Money story: financed by mob-linked money (the Deep Throat producers), cast kept signing away shares, company went bankrupt, New Line bought the stuff and belatedly paid; nobody went on to a career.
“They ended up getting financing from basically the mob.”
fun, about
Gunnar Hansen:
Body Odor Award to Leatherface: he had one dyed shirt for four weeks and by the end of the shoot no one would stand near him.
“by the end of the shoot, no one would stand near him.”
fun, about
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre:
Who won the movie: Tobe Hooper, who got the best career out of it, at the Universal lot with Spielberg, directing Poltergeist.
fun, about
Domestic Disturbance:
Ebert quote: the audience critics saw the wrong last reel. He had to watch the movie twice in a week.
“the final confrontation so badly choreographed that I was not the least bit surprised when the studio called to say the Chicago critics had, quote, seen the wrong last reel.”
fun, about
Anti-apex:
Anti-apex list of listener's: Travolta in Look Who's Talking, Mike Myers in Love Guru, Brando in Dr. Moreau, Cliffhanger for a rock-climbing date.
“Cliffhanger as anti-apex for a rock climbing date.”
fun, about
Sicario:
Craig suggests Alejandro killed the cartel leader too fast; listener jokes he is a future true crime subject.
“I'd like to suggest the Bangkok Coralback tip off award for is Craig actually a serial killer who will one day have his own Netflix true crime documentary?”
fun, about
Hall of Fame:
Hall of Fame will have plaques and a special pod.
“I think we should just make, we should actually really put more time into this and then like announce it on some special pod and have like plaques and stuff.”
fun, about
Kelly LeBrock:
LeBrock described her Weird Science role as Mary Poppins with breasts, from a Hughes documentary; she is the best part because the character is made to improve the boys.
“she plays Mary Poppins with Brest, which I thought was a good way to describe the character.”
fun, about
Bill Paxton:
Paxton showed up in the party scene in sunglasses and a trench coat just to be around the set; cast calls him the nicest person.
“Apparently he dresses up in his sunglasses in a trench coat, trench coat, and he's in the party scene.”
fun, about
Species:
Meta category: Michael Madsen is the reason this film was picked after his death; Bill wanted Donnie Brasco, but Chris said Species.
“Michael Matson passed away and we had to do a Michael Matson movie.”
fun, about
Species:
Read before the Ebert review: a $35 million budget and a gross garbled in the transcript as $13.3 million (later someone says it made over $100 million).
fun, about
Species:
The Hollywood Hills guy, Robbie, looks like Nick Wright; the club murder and the Long Island iced tea section is Bill's favorite part.
fun, about
Griffin Dunn / After Hours:
Scorsese told Dunn not to have sex for the first 8 weeks to keep desire in Paul Hackett's eyes. Dunn lasted until the massage scene weekend, had an 'accident', and Scorsese stopped the take and guessed instantly.
fun, about
Catherine O'Hara and John Heard:
Best-aged detail: a glimpse of the future Home Alone parents through a window, before they were movie parents.
“soon they will be 2 of the most famous parents in movie history.”
fun, about
Linda Fiorentino:
Bill's long riff: why wasn't she ever on The Sopranos; he proposes a one-episode arc where she messes with Tony and he kills her.
“She could have done a one episode arc where she's just fucking with Tony and then Tony kills her.”
fun, about
Linda Fiorentino / Anthony Pellicano:
Sean's research: Fiorentino dated a former FBI agent who pulled files for Pellicano's case, and he pleaded guilty; Bill: that's a movie.
fun, about
Samuel L. Jackson:
Casting what-if: 1980s crazy Sam Jackson for two minutes as a barfly or vigilante mob member; 'Jules Winfield would be great.'
fun, about
Kevin Spacey:
New award invented: Kevin Spacey doing cocaine and harassing Tess in the limo wins craziest foreshadowing of a real-life event.
fun, about
Sylvester Stallone:
He sold the script to ABC; Henry Winkler had to get it back, and Stallone insisted on writing and starring for far less money.