Loves charisma performances, movie stars at their peak, and trivia from Tarantino's circle. Champions Brad Pitt as the winner. Can't stand awards mistakes like The Artist winning, and he warns about the 'Oscars should wait five years' view. A sucker for 1960s details, driving scenes, and Boogie Nights real estate.
Stances
Brad Pitt won the movie
Oscars should be awarded five years later
Focus is underrated
Humor: Runs bits on movies he almost bought, fake research, and sports-style comparisons.
In their words
“I think Pitt won the movie.” (1:17:58)
“I think I'm the only one that likes focus.” (0:32:43)
Loves the mid-80s Eddie Murphy and the movie's cultural phenomenon, and has a clear soft spot for Lisa Eilbacher. Is a sucker for Hollywood-excess anecdotes (Simpson, cocaine, Rourke, Stallone) and for sports analogies. Has little patience for plot logic holes but loves list games and categories.
Stances
Eddie Murphy in 1984 was the biggest star in the world after Michael Jackson
Lisa Eilbacher is the Apex Mountain and the film's winner
The Eddie-Murphy-as-star what-if game (Top Gun) is a worthwhile question
Humor: Rapid-fire sports analogies (WAR, LeBron, Dion Waiters, Shawn Michaels) and mock-indignant asides.
Loves the lore of how a movie got made, the lists (casting what-ifs, recasting), and the 'unanswerable questions' category. Has little patience for Lawrence Tierney's acting or for Ebert missing on Tarantino. He remembers the 1992 Boston era of a movie that mattered and is a sucker for a heist.
Stances
Tarantino won the movie
Lawrence Tierney is bad (the 'Mike Francesa' bit)
Does not want new Reservoir Dogs content
Wants to see the heist, plays devil's advocate
Humor: Throws sports analogies, invents award names, and runs recurring bits like Roger Ebert and Felony Land.
In their words
“I love bank ice scenes.” (1:23:55)
“It's Tarantino, and I think all of those actors robbing a bank.” (1:23:22)
“Can I make the case for seeing the heist?” (1:23:18)
Loves ensemble casts and film-lineage framing, sports analogies (Dwight Gooden, Penny Hardaway), and the show's recurring awards. Wants a better soundtrack, and cannot stand the ending speech. Is a sucker for his wife and kids' opinions of the film.
Stances
Mean Girls is the best Lorne Michaels movie
Lohan's decline is like an athlete's lost career
Soundtrack and ending speech are weak
Humor: Dry, sports-and-family riffs, often teased by his co-hosts.
In their words
“that was like Dwight Gooden in 1985 on the Mets.” (0:27:59)
“I think this is the best Lauren Michaels movie.” (0:16:22)
Bill loves old-school sports myth-making, baseball nostalgia, the Natural's chill scene, and stat-nerd rabbit holes like reconstructing Roy Hobbs's season. He is picky about throwing motions and lineup logic, and is a sucker for the dugout-emptying slow-motion shot. He ranks Bull Durham/Hoosiers/Rocky near the top and finds slow hospital stretches in sports movies unbearable.
Stances
The Natural used to be the greatest sports movie but is now slower than he remembers
Every great sports movie needs a chill scene
Dislikes bad throwing motions on screen
Hospital detours in sports movies should be cut short
Roy Hobbs was a Bonds-level statistical machine, or worse
Humor: Dry, list-making sports-nerd riffs and reaching pop-culture asides (Bachelor, Harry Potter) delivered as if serious.
In their words
“My move with sports movies is like, get me out of the hospital as fast as possible.” (1:00:37)
“nothing drives me crazier than when somebody can't throw in a baseball movie.” (0:56:43)
Loves Gen X touchstones and basketball analogies; sticks up for Winona Ryder and Friends season one; mocks Troy-type guys and over-talky English majors. A sucker for half-assed internet research and awards-bit tradition.
Stances
Winona Ryder won the movie
Singles is a flawed but beloved sibling
Ben Stiller deserves credit
Humor: Rolls NBA references and mock-feuds into everything.
In their words
“I do look at her in a way, like, uh, like I look at some NBA players.” (0:32:14)
Loves sports-adjacent silliness, big broad comedy and quotable lines, and wedding toast chaos. Can't stand being wrong about movie trivia he has already litigated. A sucker for his own running categories and bits (Ebert, Joey Pants, Dion Waiters).
Stances
Roger Ebert is never to be trusted on comedies
Comedies of the era were a nice 6-7 year run
Open your movie with a wedding theory
Luke Wilson is not Harrison Ford
Humor: Deadpan rapid-fire teasing of co-hosts and mock-outrage, plus sports references.
In their words
“never to be trusted on comedies.” (0:15:17)
“This movie also nicely slots into my open your movie with a wedding theory.” (1:01:05)
Loves sports analogies, Kurt Russell and Pacino's Cruising, defends 90s movies like Fletch. Dislikes dated romance interludes like the picnic. A sucker for mustaches and Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.
Stances
Val Kilmer wins the movie
Wyatt Earp is the rival, Tombstone is more entertaining
Cruising is incredible
Cut the 12-minute theater scene
Humor: Rapid-fire sports comparisons and teasing his cohosts.
In their words
“I think this movie is the perfect microcosm of both of their careers.” (0:12:28)
“I just don't come to Tombstone for picnics” (0:29:44)
Loves old-school and 5 o'clocker action, Seagal, Stallone, Nick Cage, and movies that know exactly what they are. Can't stand over-explained worldbuilding or sequels that give the hero a known villain. A sucker for the Neeson comeback and for ranking things by era.
Stances
Taken is the perfect 5 o'clocker
Taken 2 is not better than the first
Neeson is the Apex Mountain of the movie
The first Taken works because there is no main villain
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, escalating sports analogies, and long self-deprecating dad stories.
In their words
“I just like watching movies that know exactly what they are.” (0:32:10)
“I don't think it's a John Wick 2 situation where John Wick 2 is actually somehow better than John Wick one, or we could at least have the debate.” (0:42:12)
Loves big star-driven movies and sets the show's categories; adores the Wahlberg and Baldwin scenes, Boston flavor and the crazy cast what-ifs. Can't stand Nicholson's performance here, implausible plot points and the rat. A sucker for 'that guy' actors, Goodfellas and Boston details.
Stances
The Departed is a Hall of Famer because it is flawed and fun
Leo won the movie, Nicholson loses it
Costello should have been Pacino
Damon's Boston accent beats Wahlberg's
Scorsese's Stones fetish is funny
Humor: Deadpan nitpicking, jokes about plot holes and trivia, rapid mock-outrage.
In their words
“This is a perfect rewatchable because it is a great bad movie.” (0:12:23)
Calls Spielberg the greatest director ever but is skeptical of his late period and Munich. Loves Jaws, Raiders, and E.T. through his kids, and measures movies by whether kids can stay with them. Distrusts the calculating, career-minded side of Spielberg and Spielberg's DreamWorks hedging.
Stances
Spielberg's first 15 years are the greatest career stretch ever
His recent work is solid but not special
Spielberg is 'calculating' where Mann or Coppola are obsessive
Judges movies by whether his kids can watch them
Humor: Wry and teasing; leans on sports analogies (LeBron, Popovich) and bits like 'hit by a car in 1986'.
In their words
“if you just got hit by a car at the peak of your career, how would people remember you?” (0:51:08)
“I judge everything by my kids who have, you know, 21st century ADD with pop culture.” (1:00:09)
Their shows' recurring bits
Running bits, not opinions; a critic read aloud is cited, not present.
The Big Picture
Drafts: Hosts and guests draft films in rounds; every pick is a recommendation with an argument.
Hall of Fame: A star's or director's best, ranked and argued.
Countdowns: Ranked lists, top five or top ten.
The Rewatchables
Apex Mountain: The moment a star peaks; where on the mountain a performance sits.
Who Won the Movie: The hosts name the person who came out of the film best off.
The Ebert review: Roger Ebert's original review and star rating read aloud. Ebert is cited, never on the show.
Casting what-ifs: Who was almost cast, or who should have been.
Most rewatchable scene: The scene each host would stop on while flipping channels.
Aged best / aged worst: What holds up and what does not.
Picking Nits: The little things in a film the hosts love that they don't think totally work: the nits.
Double feature: The film each host would pair it with; a programming pick.
Their claims
Showing 701–800 of 1,295 claims.
career (career):
Whoopi Goldberg → Sister Act.
Whoopi's 1992 peak: Ghost the year before, Sister Act the same year.
contrast (contrast):
The Player → Super Pumped.
Bill jokes a ten-episode Netflix Player would be Super Pumped; the others say the mystery element makes binging work.
lineage (real-world inspiration):
Die Hard 2 → Manuel Noriega.
The writer admitted the script grabbed smoke from Iran-Contra and Manuel Noriega.
“there's definitely some Iran Contra, kind of, they're just grabbing smoke from that whole scandal and shoehorning into this with Manuel Noriega in real life.”
theme (critic comparison):
Die Hard 2 → Indiana Jones series.
The critic grouped it with Indiana Jones as thrillers that leave your arm black and blue.
“this is one of those thrillers, like the Indiana Jones series that I categorized as bruised for our movies”
craft (joke re-edit):
Die Hard 2 → Pulp Fiction.
Riffing on a re-edit channel, they joke Pulp Fiction could be cut down to Bruce going to get his watch.
unmapped (shared fictional country):
Die Hard 2 → Commando.
Esperanza is a general of Val Verde, the fictional country from Commando; Commando is the true Val Verde Apex Mountain.
“Esperanza is actually a general in the country of Valverde, which is the same country used the fictional South American country used in commando.”
unmapped (airport movie):
Die Hard 2 → Airplane!.
Set-in-an-airport Apex Mountain is either Die Hard 2 or Airplane, with Airport and Planes Trains aged or insufficient.
unmapped (nude Tai Chi):
Die Hard 2 → Road House.
They propose a debate whether Sadler's fully nude Tai Chi beats Swayze's half-nude Tai Chi in Road House.
“whether Sadler's fully nude Tai Chi, tops Swayze's half nude Tai Chi in Roadhouse.”
unmapped (villain charisma):
Die Hard 2 → Die Hard with a Vengeance.
Simmons asks if Die Hard 2 is worse because Esperanza lacks the charisma of Rickman or Jeremy Irons.
“it doesn't have an evil guy as a villain as charismatic as Rickman or John Jeremy Irons?”
unmapped (Christmas movie test):
Die Hard 2 → National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.
Simmons says a real Christmas movie is Christmas Vacation, where Christmas is in every scene, unlike Die Hard 2.
“A Christmas movie is like National Lampoon's Christmas vacation.”
what-if (alternate ending):
Die Hard 2 → The Rock.
Ryan wants the Rock-style fix where the villain is stopped at the last second, with Ed Harris redirecting the rockets.
“when Ed Harris shoots the rockets at San Francisco and then he like redirects them at the last second.”
career (career path):
Fred Thompson → The Hunt for Red October.
Simmons asks whether Red October and Die Hard 2 made voters want Thompson as a senator.
“Hunt for October and Die Hard 2 where people just like, let's just vote this guy in.”
industry (industry):
Panic Room → The Godfather.
The Academy's anniversary shoehorning (Godfather 50th, Pulp Fiction 28th) was awkward; Pacino and De Niro barely spoke.
“The weird thing was, like, you have Pacino and De Niro out there, and they don't talk.”
contrast (contrast):
Panic Room → Fight Club.
Fincher assumed a one-location film would be easier than Fight Club's 400 scenes in 100 locations; it was harder.
“He does Fight Club and it's an insane movie to make, I think he said, Fight Club at 400 scenes in 100 locations.”
programming (programming):
Panic Room → Bird Box.
Home-invasion and people-in-peril movies are what Netflix feeds viewers; Panic Room is the well-done version.
“But I think this is the really well-done version of it.”
industry (industry):
Panic Room → Joe Eszterhas.
A record script sale, like Eszterhas's and Shane Black's, which Bill wants a Movie-Reference site for.
“didn't Joe Esterhouse have that once for basic instinct and him and Shane Black.”
programming (programming):
Panic Room → The Social Network.
Fincher movies are rewatchable and date-movie friendly, with the exception of Se7en; Social Network is the perfect date movie.
career (career):
Forest Whitaker → First Daughter.
Whitaker passed on directing Panic Room because he needed to prep First Daughter, though he wanted to act in it.
what-if (what-if):
Dwight Yoakam → Maynard.
Maynard was first choice for Raoul; Fincher had just directed his band's Judith video. Yoakam was number two.
“Fincher had just directed the video for Perfect Circles Judith, which is an awesome song and an awesome video.”
what-if (what-if):
Panic Room → Heat.
They run through the cast of Heat for Raoul: Pacino, De Niro, Rollins, Sizemore, Val Kilmer, Wes Studi, Voight; Sizemore is the answer.
“Let's just run through the entire cast of heat and decide who could play Raul.”
craft (craft):
David Fincher → Steven Soderbergh.
Soderbergh warned Fincher that his operator-less camera plan would drive him insane, and he was right.
“Soderberg was like, this is going to drive you insane if you do it this way?”
lineage (lineage):
The Ice Storm → The Brady Bunch Movie.
Simmons traces a mid-90s wave of 70s nostalgia (Brady Bunch movies, Reality Bites) that led to harder looks like Ice Storm.
“They make the Brady Bunch movie, which is a parody of the Brady Bunch.”
industry (industry):
The Ice Storm → Deep Throat.
Simmons sets the key party against eras of porn access, from Deep Throat in theaters to video stores.
craft (craft):
The Ice Storm → Brokeback Mountain.
Simmons says the two films share a vibe: sparse dialogue and the way Lee advances story and sets scenery.
people (people):
Kevin Kline → Sigourney Weaver.
They played the president and first lady four years earlier (in Dave) and here are a 70s adultery couple.
“who played the president and the 1st lady 4 years earlier”
career (career):
Katie Holmes → Dawson's Creek (TV).
Holmes went from her first film role here to Dawson's Creek, Disturbing Behavior, and Teaching Mrs. Tingle.
contrast (contrast):
The Ice Storm → Presumed Innocent.
Simmons notes Harrison Ford sex scenes (Presumed Innocent, Witness, Frantic) are stressed-out sex.
“it's a lot of like, I'm really stressed out sex.”
fun, about
Gazzo's driver:
Best that guy award goes to Gazzo's driver, who also gets the 'take her to the zoo' line; Bill and his dad used the license plate joke for 20 years.
fun, about
Friday Night Lights (2004 film):
Coach Gaines lying that Boobie will be fine, never getting an MRI: the hottest take is that he is a bad coach.
fun, about
Joe's dad (the opening scene):
The panel invents a new category blaming Joe's dad: a cheap lock on the storm shelter door, and he should have just let go.
fun, about
Twister (most 1996 thing):
A one-off category inspired by the 1999 episode: options include no internet, the Dodge Ram, no Oklahoma City Thunder references, and Helen Hunt's hair.
fun, about
Aunt Meg's kitchen scene:
Chris's favorite scene: steak and eggs, gravy and Aunt Meg, setting her up so the crew later saves her; Bill singles out the gravy and 8 coffees to go.
fun, about
Philip Seymour Hoffman:
In an early lawn-chair scene Hoffman lifts his leg laughing and a split second of exposure was edited from later DVD and VHS releases.
“you can see his genitals for a split 2nd that they had to edit out of future DH DVD and VHS releases.”
fun, about
Wakita, Oklahoma:
The real town was used; houses were bought and demolished; there is a Twister Museum there that Paxton helped stock with memorabilia.
fun, about
Luke Wilson:
Craig's hot take from a prior episode, that Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford, now has the hottest-take award renamed after him.
“So the CR thinks Luke Wilson could have been Harrison Ford, hottest take award.”
fun, about
The War of the Roses:
Deleted scenes on YouTube include the indoor garden before he saws off her heels, and a heater scene explaining why everyone is sweaty.
fun, about
Richard Gere:
Gere's best performance, with An Officer and a Gentleman; he is shown as a villain who is still charismatic enough to root for.
“I think this is his best performance in a movie.”
fun, about
Billy Baldwin:
The comeback-to-flop arc is told with an NFL analogy: Hollywood gave him a four-year window like Kenny Pickett on the Steelers.
fun, about
Roger Ebert:
The running Ebert bit: no review found, but At the Movies with Siskel, where both loved it and Ebert called it a movie about personalities.
fun, about
Richard Gere:
The taco-stand scene wins the new Rick Dalton Award for best acting; the line is 'I'm married, you're married, we're married.'
“I would like to introduce a new award to the rewatchables.”
fun, about
Tova Arocus:
A hot take: Tova, the wife, is the real villain because she prompts the killing of her husband's parents, sleeps with Peck, then pays Peck to kill her husband.
fun, about
Al Pacino:
Pacino is in three late-90s dances with over-the-top; his Any Given Sunday inch-by-inch speech is called all time in a terrible movie, carrying it like LeBron.
“The Inch's speech is all time for me and that movie's terrible and he's carrying it like LeBron carried the 2007 caps.”
fun, about
The Insider:
The golf range scene: a henchman stares Wigand down after each swing until he grabs the 5 iron; the hosts rate the henchman a 9.5 swinger and Crowe a 4.
fun, about
Bruce McGill:
Bruce McGill's courtroom outburst, 'Wipe that smirk off your face,' wins the Dion Waiters award and is a triple-crown candidate.
“This is not North Carolina, not South Carolina, nor Kentucky.”
fun, about
The Insider:
Title brainstorm: a better title might have been The Whistleblower or Cigarette Burns; Thank You for Smoking is cited as a title that tells you the subject.
“It just needed to have an element of danger to it.”
fun, about
The Insider:
The Knicks 'semifinals' line in the car scene draws a long riff on how nobody says semifinals; conference finals, since the Knicks were in the NBA finals that year.
fun, about
The Insider:
Apex Mountain: the golfing henchman, Bruce McGill and Plummer; Plummer's is probably The Sound of Music; Mann's apex may be getting this movie made 34 years after Heat.
fun, about
The Big Chill:
JoBeth Williams: for the Costner scene they rented a big house in Atlanta and installed bead curtains, rock posters, incense and 1968 Life magazines.
“they rented a big house in Atlanta and installed bead curtains, rock posters, incense, and 1968 life magazines”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Lillo Brancato Jr.:
The film's big line about wasted talent became Brancato's real life: found out of thousands of kids, he was doing drugs while shooting, later jailed after a robbery in which an off-duty cop died; the New York Post headline said 'wasted talent'.
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Chazz Palminteri:
Palminteri refused to sell his one-man show unless he played Sonny, the Stallone-Rocky bet on himself. He was 40; De Niro offered to direct and play Lorenzo. He still tours the one-man show every year.
“Yeah, this was also a famous Hollywood success story where Chaz Palmentari. There's a one-man show.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
The door test: Sonny's rule that if a girl does not reach over and unlock your car door, dump her fast. It now fails because there are no pull-up knobs, and the hosts also debate the Mario test.
“The door test is now defunct because we don't have buttons that you pull up and down?”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Lessons from the movie, the show's rare lessons segment: better to be feared than loved (Machiavelli in prison), trouble is a cancer, nobody cares, a rat is the lowest thing, and three great women. 'Nobody cares' voted best.
“I would say the best, greatest lesson from this movie is probably the nobody cares.”
fun, about
Bill Simmons / TV channels:
Simmons pitches a prison-movie channel called Bars (B-A-R-Z) running Shawshank, Escape from Alcatraz, Oz and Orange Is the New Black; a gambling-movie channel is also pitched for FanDuel TV.
“I always wanted an all-jail movie channel called Bars, B-A-R-Z.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Best quote: 'The saddest thing in life is wasted talent', delivered by Coach Finstock-style line; it also resurfaces as the 'best quote' of the episode.
“Best quote, saddest thing in life is wasted talent.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale casting:
Casting what-ifs: Kathrine Narducci brought her nine-year-old to audition for Calogero; Frank Vincent was to play a boss but the scene was cut; Philip Garbarino lost the C role to Brancato and played Sonny's killer.
“And he lost out to our guy Lola Broncado Jr. for the role.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Eddie Mush:
They could not find anyone to play Eddie Mush, so they cast the real Eddie Mush, Eddie Montenero; on the first day it rained and they could not film. Mush is now gambling slang ('he's gonna mush me').
“they ended up finding the real Eddie Mush, and his name is Eddie Montenero.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / De Niro:
Trivia: De Niro got a Class B commercial driver's license for the role; he tried in Boston and they would not let him. Hosts also note people think Rob Schneider is in the biker fight.
“And then De Niro did get his commercial driver's license, Class B, and he tried to get it in Boston and they wouldn't let him.”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Apex Mountain:
Apex Mountain calls: crap scenes, bus drivers (this or Speed), racists burned alive (this or Django Unchained), Palminteri (this or Usual Suspects), Broncado yes, Pesci no, and Kathrine Narducci no.
fun, about
A Bronx Tale / Satan's Messenger scene:
Biker bar fight: would out-of-shape Italians really beat a biker gang? Ryan says gangsters have the fighting equivalent of dad strength; proposed sequel is Hell's Angels vs. the Mafia Battle Royale.
“I feel like gangsters have the fighting equivalent of dad strength”
fun, about
A Bronx Tale:
Is this movie better: Bill adds Frank Vincent to the candidates list (Wayne Jenkins, Danny Trejo, Catherine Keener, Steve Buscemi, Sam Jackson, J.T. Walsh, Philip Baker Hall).
fun, about
My Cousin Vinny:
Film's famous breakdown: the real difference between Jack Palance and the frozen envelope conspiracies in Tomei's Oscar win.
“I believe the David Stern thing, the frozen envelope way more than the Jack Palance.”
fun, about
Austin Pendleton:
Said in 2022 he regrets playing the stuttering lawyer after letters from the stuttering community; hosts say the device was low.